Unexpected
by StrayElf
Summary: When the holes in the sky suddenly appeared, CJ knew she had to do something. She needed to join the Inquisition. She never could have imagined what she would find.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

 ** _She inspected the group in the distance. That must be them. Who else would be such a group wandering around the Hinterlands besides the inquisition? Shifting her pack, she quickly climbed down the tree. Now that she had found them, she just had to convince them to let her join._**

 ** _It was three hours before she caught up to them, and when she did, she saw they were in the middle of a fight. Four against fifteen was not even. Without hesitating, CJ launched herself into the battle, her knives flashing in succession as she sunk them into the back of the demon nearest her. A rift was pulsing above their heads, casting a green hue over the group. As the demon disappeared with a strangled noise, CJ reversed her hold and whipped around, catching another demon in the throat._**

 ** _Ten minutes later, the battle was done, all those left standing, panting._**

 ** _"_** ** _Close the rift." The woman said, her voice thick with a Nevarran accent. An elven man nodded and raised his left hand towards the pulsing rift. CJ was shocked as what seemed like pure energy shot from his hand into the rift. The pulsing grew more intense as energy poured out around them. Then with a crack, the rift vanished._**

 ** _CJ blinked in surprise. "That is amazing." She exclaimed, drawing the group's attention to her. "Pretty useful skill to have."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're pretty skilled yourself." The dwarf said, shouldering his rather large crossbow. "Seen demons before?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Not ones that looked like these." She answered simply, and then looked at the elf with the mark on his hand. "You're him, aren't you? The one they're calling the Herald?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Who's asking?" He replied, inspecting her with even grey eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ Archer." She stepped forward, offering her hand in greeting. "I'd like to join your group."_**

 ** _He shook it, a slightly amused look on his face._**

 ** _"_** ** _How do you know of him?" The woman asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _How many other people are running around with glowing marks on their hands?" CJ asked in response, and this got a laugh out of the dwarf. The fourth member of the group, another elf, said nothing, merely looking at CJ with a carefully blank face._**

 ** _"_** ** _I like you, CJ." The dwarf said. "My name's Varric. The stern looking one is Cassandra and the quiet one is Solas. Our esteemed leader is Talon, also known as the Herald of Andraste."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Call me Talon, please." The man said. "Why would you want to join us?"_**

 ** _CJ straightened her shoulders. "These rifts and the problems they are causing are hurting innocent people. Innocent children who can't protect themselves. I want to join you so I can stop innocent people from being hurt."_**

 ** _The group looked at her, CJ felt like they were judging her. Weighing her up to see if she was worthy of being a part of them. CJ didn't really care what they decided. If they didn't want her to join, she'd follow them anyways, annoying them until they finally caved._**

 ** _Finally a hint of a smile showed on the woman, Cassandra's, face. She looked at Talon and nodded slightly. Talon glanced at Verric and Solas, who both nodded._**

 _ **"**_ _ **Welcome to the Inquisition, CJ Archer." Talon smiled at her and CJ grinned. This was going to be fun.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_"_** ** _We're going where?!" CJ looked up from the book she 'borrowed' (more like lifted out of Cassandra's pack when she wasn't looking) at the sound of a loud voice. Blackwall, sitting a little ways down the river bank from CJ looked up as well._**

 **** ** _Cassandra did not sound happy. Of course, she hadn't been too happy ever since the whole Val Royeax situation. Not that CJ could blame her. Lord Seeker Lucius had been Cassandra's leader before she left the Seekers. And now, he had turned his back on her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Storm Coast." Talon answered. They were walking down towards where CJ and Blackwall were sitting. CJ hastily slid the book into the pack beside her. It would not do to let Cassandra see the book when she was already so annoyed. "We've received an offer of alliance from a group of mercenaries who are currently camping there."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mercenaries?" Blackwall questioned, raising an eyebrow. "We are grasping at straws, are we not?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Isn't the Grey Warden motto to accept any and everyone who wishes to join?" CJ responded. Blackwall nodded slowly while scowling slightly. She grinned at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _So, we're going to the ocean, huh?" Varric came up to the group, Sera and Solas trailing behind him. They must have been arguing again, CJ mused. Sera had a distinctly pleased air to her while Solas was more stone-faced that usual. "Excellent. I haven't been to the ocean in years!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _This is not a field trip, Varric." Cassandra rounded on him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Isn't that exactly what it is, though?" CJ cut in. "We're going out into the field, and to get there, we'll be taking a trip. Field. Trip. Field trip!"_**

 **** ** _Varric and Sera laughed._**

 **** ** _Cassandra scowled at her, but CJ just grinned. "Come on Cassandra, it will be fun!"_**

 **** ** _Two weeks later, Cassandra was looking at CJ with barely hidden amusement. "You were right, CJ! This is fun!"_**

 **** ** _It was CJ's turn to scowl now, as she looked up at the woman from her current position in a mud filled trench. The area was littered with them, and CJ had managed to find four-now five- of them. Cassandra and the rest of the group found this to be quite hilarious. CJ? Not so much, really._**

 ** _"_** ** _Next time, you're taking lead." She exclaimed as she climbed out of the trench._**

 ** _"_** ** _But you're so much quieter than I am." Cassandra grinned. "Everyone agreed last night, did they not?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I knew that was going to come back and bite me." CJ muttered._**

 **** ** _Varric offered CJ a cloth, and she used it to wipe most of the mud off. "I'll wash it and give it back to you." She said. "Thank you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No problem, CJ."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Sir!" A voice sounded out, and the group turned. "We've been waiting for you!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Scout Harding!" Talon greeted. "How is everything going? Anything I should be aware of?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _The Mercy group have been doing a very good job at keeping an eye on things." Scout Harding answered as she returned CJ's greeting with a wave. "They've stopped several attempts by bandits to interrupt the trade routes we're setting up. Good work on getting them to side with us instead of trying to kill us."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Some of my better work." Varric exclaimed, and dodged the hand Talon directed at his head._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right, all right." Varric laughed. "Maybe CJ helped some. The rest of you lot were useless!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Useless?!" Sera cried. "I'll show you useless, won't I?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Have you seen any signs of the group we were to meet?" Cassandra asked, turning her back on Sera who had just tackled Varric to the ground._**

 ** _"_** ** _Bull's Chargers, they go by." Scout Harding nodded. "I believe they're camped just down on the beach." She pointed off to the left, towards the ocean. "Their leader goes by the name Iron Bull." The smile CJ had had while watching the wrestling match dropped off like melted butter at the sound of the name._**

 ** _"_** ** _Iron Bull?" Solas asked. "What kind of name is that?"_**

 **** ** _CJ barely listened to the response. It couldn't be the same Iron Bull, right? Just a coincidence? That must be what it was. Just a coincidence._**

 ** _"_** ** _You all right?" Sera's voice cut through CJ's thoughts. "You look kind of pale."_**

 **** ** _CJ forced a smile onto her face. "Fine." She answered. "Thought I felt something crawling in my armor." Sera shrugged._**

 ** _"_** ** _We're moving out to meet this Bull and his chargers. I hope there's a looker in the group. I'm running out of options in Haven." Sera gave CJ a rakish grin and CJ shook her head. That girl was incorrigible, really._**

 _ **Just a coincidence. CJ thought as she fell into step behind Talon. Just a coincidence.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse  


Chapter 3

 ** _It was not a coincidence. Unless there were two qunari with giant horns and an eyepatch running around somewhere, this was the Iron Bull that_** _they_ ** _always talked about. The group of mercenaries who had attacked the farm CJ was staying at, slaying all the males and children, taking the women as hostage. Who scared the monsters but someone worse?_**

 ** _Or someone better who would hunt them down. CJ contemplated that. Which would this Iron Bull prove to be? Better or worse than the monsters that haunted CJ's every dream?_**

 ** _On the trek back to Haven (having spent a good two weeks wandering all over Storm Coast for some Grey Warden relics on Blackwall's request), CJ did her absolute best to avoid being too close to Iron Bull, but she couldn't stop herself from watching him. Watching him as he interacted with his chargers, drilling them, instructing them. As he laughed at a prank Sera pulled, even though he was the butt of it. As he ran into battle with such ferocity, CJ could very well see why monsters would be scared of him._**

 ** _Which was he? She just couldn't figure it out, and it irritated her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Are you all right?" Talon caught CJ as she was about to leave Haven to collect some supplies._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm fine. Why do you ask, Herald?" He flinched minutely at the name and CJ grinned as he scowled at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _I get that enough from everyone else." He exclaimed. "I don't need it from my friends."_**

 ** _CJ blinked, slightly surprised. "Are we friends, Talon?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _We've gotten drunk and serenaded Cullen together." Talon grinned at the memory. "I do believe that makes us friends. And as your friend, I'm asking, are you all right? You've been acting strange for a while now."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Strange?" CJ questioned._**

 ** _"_** ** _You usually have Cassandra, Cullen, or Solas coming to me every other day, complaining about you fighting with the mages, or the soldiers, or annoying Solas with pointless questions. But for the past couple weeks, there hasn't been any. In fact, Sera's come to me complaining that I somehow 'broke' you, as if you were her favorite toy to play with. It started when we met the Bull's Chargers. Did something happen with one of them?"_**

 ** _CJ grimaced, not realizing she had been so obvious in her actions._**

 ** _"_** ** _They've done nothing."_**

 ** _"_** ** _But their presence is still what caused this, isn't it?"_**

 ** _CJ stared at Talon, who just said he considered her a friend. Who obviously was worried about her, and came to a decision._**

 ** _"_** ** _Take a walk with me." With that, she began walking determinedly away from Haven, leaving it up to Talon whether or not he followed her._**

 ** _Once they had walked far enough where CJ was sure no one could overhear them, she sighed and leaned against a tree. Talon stood next to her, not saying anything. Just waiting._**

 ** _"_** ** _Six years ago, I was staying with a farming family out near the Frostback Mountains. One day, a mercenary group attacked and killed the men and children. They took us females as prisoners. Two of the group were qunari, who took . . . . . a special interest in me, I suppose." CJ's voice cut off as her throat tightened, memories swirling in her mind. "They wanted to break me. Break my spirit. Took turns trying. As they worked," CJ spat out the term. "They discussed other qunari. One that they spoke of, a Ben-Hassrath who used to go by the name Hissrad, but who was now Tal-Vasoth calling himself The Iron Bull. These monsters were terrified of him, and I," Her voice cut out again._**

 ** _"_** ** _And if they were so afraid of him, was it because he would hunt them down, or was he worse than them?" Talon finished what CJ couldn't say. "What sort of being would the monsters who terrorized you be afraid of?"_**

 ** _She nodded._**

 ** _"_** ** _You escaped, obviously." Talon's voice was gentle, but CJ couldn't detect any pity. For that she was thankful. "How? What happened to the other women who were taken?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Killed." Her voice grew cold. "Killed because they broke. They cried and screamed and begged for mercy, and the bastards got tired of them once they were broken. Had no use for cowardly whores, they said. Those women weren't whores! They were captives! Prisoners, who were tied up, who had men forced upon them at any time, day or night. Who didn't stand a chance at fighting back! They weren't cowards! Those monsters of men were the cowards!" CJ pushed away from the tree, pacing now. "But I avenged those women, and their families. I killed them. All of them. One of the qunari came to me in the middle of the night. He was drunk. They weren't supposed to be drunk around me, because I was a trouble-maker. Always trying to escape. But he came anyways. What he didn't know was I had gotten free of my bonds. Tore my skin ragged trying to cut the ropes with a jagged stone. And when he fumbled with his pants, I grabbed his knife and I slit his throat. The others didn't know what had happened until it was too late. I killed them all and left their bodies to rot, just like they did to the women. And their men. And children." CJ's voice shook on the last word._**

 ** _She had never spoken this aloud. Never revealed what her nightmares forced her to relive, night after night._**

 ** _"_** ** _They were monsters! And they were terrified of the Iron Bull! Is he worse than them? Or better?" The question rang out in the night only to be followed by silence, and the sound of CJ's erratic breathing as she tried to fight her emotions._**

 ** _"_** ** _What do you think?" Talon asked, after a while._**

 ** _"_** ** _What do I think?" CJ repeated. "I think he is better. I think that he has the potential to be a monster, but everyone does. I think that he would never force a woman against her will. I think he would never knowingly kill an innocent child. I think that he is an amazing and talented warrior, as well as a very capable leader. And that those monsters were right to be terrified of him." CJ shook her head._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm being stupid." She said, forcing her voice to remain even. "I will try to do better, Talon. Thank you for listening to my tantrum." She turned away from him, and was surprised when her shoulders were caught, spinning her back around._**

 ** _"_** ** _That was not a tantrum." Talon said sternly. "That was something that has been festering for six years and it needed to be let out. It is understandable to be afraid after what you've been through. Fear is not stupid. It's what keeps you alive."_**

 ** _CJ pulled away from him. "But to let it control you is stupid. It is weakness. I will not be weak. Iron Bull has done nothing to warrant my treatment of him, so I'll stop." She turned away from him again. "I'm going hunting. I'll be back in the morning."_**

 ** _This time, Talon let her go._**

 ** _When CJ stumbled into Haven the next morning, her pack was heavier, but she felt better. "Yo, fighter!" She paused at the yell and automatically looked around. Iron Bull waved to her. "Yeah, you! Come here!" Part of her wanted to run. Drop the pack and run. Leave everything behind. But CJ had decided during the night that she was done running. She was done letting fear rule her. She would treat The Iron Bull just as she treated everyone else._**

 ** _"_** ** _Need something?" She asked as she drew closer._**

 ** _He looked her up and down. CJ raised an eyebrow._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're about Krem's size. And you know how to handle your knives. Krem needs practice fighting someone who wields two knives. Almost lost his ear in our last skirmish with bandits. Care to spar?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Spar?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Figured you'd spar me first, and we'll show him some moves, then he tries with you. Sound good?"_**

 ** _When CJ decided that she wasn't going to avoid the Iron Bull any longer, she hadn't really anticipated being faced with him so soon. But she had no valid reason for denying the request._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right. But if I beat you both, you boys owe me breakfast and lunch. A meal each." No sense trying to edge in to it. CJ had never been one to ease in to something. No, she preferred the both feet at once method._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've got a deal, fighter." Iron Bull laughed. "Hear that Krem? You lose, you owe the lady a meal."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't worry about me, Chief." Krem retorted. "I can't wait to see her take you down."_**

 ** _The men bantered back and forth as the three made their way out to the training grounds. Cullen was enlisted to be the referee. CJ stowed her bag by a training dummy and briefly stretched out her muscles. She then un-holstered her knives and settled into a comfortable position._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right, The Iron Bull, ready to lose?" She grinned at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Bring it on, fighter." He stepped towards her, and the fight was on._**

 ** _Twenty minutes later, CJ had Iron Bull on the ground, tied, and was grinning like a maniac. Krem had collapsed in laughter, Cullen desperately trying to remain stoic. He was failing._**

 ** _"_** ** _You owe me a meal, Iron Bull." She crouched down to meet his eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _That was a dirty trick." He retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _The enemy won't fight fair." She answered simply. "And sides, it's not like I actually would have connected."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Your knife, very, very sharp knife by the way, was barely an inch from the most important part of my body! I practically felt the steel!" Iron Bull exclaimed. But CJ could see that beneath his false anger, he was impressed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Now you know," She shrugged. "Krem, you saw what I did, right?" She called to the man who was still laughing._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn right I did, fighter! That was brilliant! Oh, Chief, you're never living that down! You squealed!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You would too if you had a sharp knife flying towards a very sensitive part of your body!" Iron Bull retorted and CJ untied him. He climbed to his feet and then clapped his hand on CJ's shoulder. She barely stopped herself from flinching away. "Good match, fighter. Next time, you won't be so lucky. I don't fall for the same trick twice."_**

 ** _She looked up at him. "I have many more tricks than that." She answered. "Now clear out so I can take Krem down."_**

 ** _Because she was actually trying to teach Krem, CJ didn't take the man down like she had stated. Instead, she went through common moves, showing Krem where weaknesses would be, and how to defend against them._**

 ** _By the time they were done, both Krem and CJ were sweating and filthy. But they were both grinning._**

 ** _"_** ** _Now, you should be able to decently defend against a dual-weapon wielder." She said. "Just remember to practice those motions."_**

 ** _Krem nodded. "Thank you, fighter."_**

 ** _It seems fighter was to become her nickname. Not that CJ minded._**

 ** _"_** ** _I promised you lunch, fighter." Iron Bull exclaimed as CJ wiped the sweat off her face. "Care to join the Chargers?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _For lunch or for good?" She asked without hesitating, and Krem laughed._**

 ** _"_** ** _We'd be lucky to have you." Krem said, slinging his arm across her shoulders. "But you're already committed to one crazy leader. Better not make it two, right?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Like you did?" She retorted, but allowed him to lead her to where the Chargers were camped._**

 ** _"_** ** _Exactly. Then you know I'm speaking from experience. One crazy leader is enough."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Hey," Iron Bull protested from behind them. "I'm a pretty awesome leader. Firm believer in No-pants Friday!"_**

 ** _CJ raised an eyebrow at that. "No-pants Friday?" She exclaimed. "Is that a real thing?"_**

 ** _Krem groaned. "Chief tries to instate it every now and then. But Rocky doesn't wear anything beneath his pants. It was not a pretty sight, let me tell you. It was a failed experiment."_**

 ** _"_** ** _It didn't fail, Krem." Iron Bull retorted. "You're just too touchy."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Touchy?" CJ couldn't stop the question that was passing her lips. "As in sensitive, or as in wanting to touch everything?"_**

 ** _Krem stumbled and Iron Bull snorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're going to have to visit us Chargers more often, fighter." Iron Bull said, and CJ glanced at him over her shoulder. "You make things interesting."_**

 ** _"_** ** _One of my better qualities, I'm told."_**

 _ **And so, CJ had lunch with the Chargers, and actually enjoyed the time spent with them. She could do this, she thought as she glanced at Iron Bull. She could handle this.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 4

 ** _It was night now, the night before Talon intended to head to Redcliffe, to meet with the mages (much to Cullen and Cassandra's dismay). CJ had woken up from a nightmare, barely able to stop the scream in her throat before it sounded._**

 ** _Knowing sleep would no longer come, CJ gathered her bag and headed out of Haven, intending to go sit down by the frozen lake. As she sat there, she pulled out a flute she had traded for long ago. Blowing a few notes to warm it up, she started playing a soft tune, a slow melody that she knew would draw the nugs. They loved music, and would run around and play to it. CJ enjoyed watching it._**

 ** _She had been playing for maybe twenty minutes when she heard the footsteps behind her. Recognizing the tread, CJ continued playing._**

 ** _Krem sank down beside CJ and watched the nugs play._**

 ** _"_** ** _Pretty handy." He murmured as CJ finished the melody. "Gather 'em all together and kill them with ease."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't draw them to me so I can kill them." CJ answered. "I'd give them a fair chance to escape when I hunt them. Here, I like to watch them play."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Can you draw other animals to you? Wolves or bears?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Cubs are more likely to be soothed by the music and so are willing to come close. But not the adults. They're too untrusting."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Like you?" Krem questioned. "You barely trust anyone."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's not true." She denied. "I trust you and the Chargers to have my back in battle. As well as the rest of our group."_**

 ** _"_** ** _So you trust us with your life." Krem accepted. "But not your mind."_**

 ** _She looked at him, an eyebrow raised in question._**

 ** _"_** ** _Had a nightmare, didn't you? That's why you're out here?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _How do you know that?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Chief pinned you when you sparred today." Krem answered easily. "You always have nightmares the days when Chief pins you."_**

 ** _CJ blinked, shocked he had noticed that. "Have you been watching me, Krem?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I have." Krem nodded. "I expect it's because you remind me of a girl I knew back home. In Tevinter. She was a nice girl. Never treated me any different because of who I am. One day, she's gone. Turns up three weeks later. She'd been kidnapped and abused by a man with red hair. She couldn't give any more description than that. As time went on, she became more like her old self. We'd take walks and talk. Dated some. But whenever she saw a red-headed man, she'd freeze and go pale. Always needed me to comfort her after those instances. It was never the same man that took her, but the red hair was a trigger."_**

 ** _CJ was silent for a moment, and stared resolutely away from Krem._**

 ** _"_** ** _How long have you known?" She didn't bother trying to deny why she would remind him of that girl. It was obvious he knew._**

 ** _"_** ** _I was there, the night you told the Herald." Krem answered. "It was my night to scout, and I happened upon you. I listened."_**

 ** _CJ closed her eyes. "Two months. Two months you've known, and haven't said anything."_**

 ** _"_** ** _How long did they hold you captive?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Six months."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Every night?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Almost."_**

 ** _Krem swore under his breath. "Bastards."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's putting it mildly."_**

 ** _"_** ** _So when the Chief pins you, during the sparring match, it doesn't bother you any more than losing usually does. But at night, when you sleep, it brings back memories of different bodies pinning you. Because he's a qunari, and your abusers were qunari."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I know it's not fair,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't be stupid." Krem cut in. "You can't control your sub-conscious, CJ. You are not letting your nightmares or past cause you to treat Chief any differently than you treat every other male. I just wanted you to know that if you ever want to talk, I'm here." He stood up._**

 ** _"_** ** _What happened to your friend?" The question was out before CJ could stop it._**

 ** _"_** ** _The last time I saw her, she and her husband had just had their first child."_**

 ** _"_** ** _She . . . . she got over her fear?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _She found someone who helped her through her fear. And who would hold her when the fear was winning." Krem replied. "You've just got to find your someone."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't believe in love."_**

 ** _Krem snorted and ruffled CJ's hair. "And that, fighter, is an absolute lie."_**

 _ **"**_ _ **Is not." She muttered, but Krem either didn't hear or didn't bother answering. CJ looked up at the stars. She didn't believe in love, did she?**_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 5

 ** _Redcliffe was a disaster. A total unmitigated disaster. Some mage named Alexius played with something he didn't understand, and started messing with time. Because the rifts in the veil weren't enough, apparently. When Talon answered Alexius' 'invitation', they had been met with a new enemy. Templars who had consumed or been forced to consume red lyrium. Nasty stuff, red lyrium._**

 ** _Fought their way to Alexius only to have Talon and the new mage Dorian sucked into a giant rift. And spat right back out, both looking ages older. They'd been to a future where Alexuis' plan had brought back the 'elder one'. Which did not end well for the inquisition._**

 ** _Now they were on their way to the Conclave, so Talon, with the mages assistance, could seal the Breach._**

 ** _"_** ** _Nothing can possibly go wrong with this." She muttered. "Not at all."_**

 ** _A laugh caused her to look up._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're not very optimistic, are you, fighter?" Iron Bull looked at her with amusement._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh I am very optimistic. About certain things." She answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh?" He fell into step beside her. "Like what?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Well, I'm optimistic about Varric finishing his book before the year is out. I am confident that Sera is going to pull off the prank she has planned, and it is most definitely going to annoy our leaders. But it is also going to improve the moral of this march considerably."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Prank? What prank? I haven't heard anything."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ben-Hassrath skills starting to fail in your old age, Bull?" She grinned at his scowl._**

 ** _"_** ** _I am_** ** _not_** ** _old." He exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Ah, hit a sore spot, did I?" She asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _I am_** ** _NOT_** ** _old. I'm only thirty-eight! I've still got my whole life in front of me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Whatever you say," She grinned at him again. "Gramps." With that, she took off, weaving her way through the train of people and breaking out in the front. Iron Bull had tried to follow her, but she was smaller and had lighter armor, so she was able to move through the group a lot quicker than he was._**

 ** _"_** ** _Who'd you annoy this time?" Talon questioned, looking at the grinning woman walking beside him._**

 ** _"_** ** _I have no idea what you're talking about." She answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _She called The Iron Bull gramps." One of the mages commented. "He's not very happy that it's spread already."_**

 ** _CJ was surprised. That reached the front of the line almost faster than she did._**

 ** _Talon laughed in disbelief. "You called him Gramps?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _The Iron Bull's demanding a sparring match when we stop for camp tonight." Another mage said. "To restore his reputation."_**

 ** _CJ scoffed. "Because my words would damage his reputation so much?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _They actually might," Varric commented and CJ looked at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're well liked, fighter. A lot of people look up to you." He explained. "Hell, some of them have you right up next to Talon on a pedestal. A few even have you higher."_**

 ** _CJ glanced at Talon, who merely shrugged and grinned. She blinked in shock._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right. Tell Iron Bull he'll have his match." She said, knowing that the mages would pass the message back. "But I'm not going to take it easy on him just because he's getting old!"_**

 ** _Laughter followed her as CJ began running ahead, intending on taking up a scouting position for the rest of the day._**

 ** _The moment she stepped into camp that night, she was being herded through._**

 ** _"_** ** _He's waiting for you." A young mage, Sierra, grinned at CJ. "The whole camp's going to be watching."_**

 ** _CJ raised an eyebrow at that. "The whole camp?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _All but the look-outs." One of the soldiers, Markus, chimed in. "It's been all everyone's been talking about."_**

 ** _CJ was deposited into a ring that had been constructed of rolled up beds. Iron Bull was standing at the far side, arms crossed. CJ looked around at the crowd, picking out Talon, Cassandra, Cullen, Sera, Solas, Vivienne, Blackwall, Dorian, and Varric spread around, all watching with varying amounts of amusement on their faces._**

 ** _"_** ** _We appear to have an audience tonight, Bull."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Does that scare you, fighter?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Not at all." She drew her knives and settled into a fighting stance. "It's just going to be more embarrassing for you when I beat you." With that, she attacked._**

 ** _Both fighters were giving it their all, knowing more stood on the line than retribution for CJ's earlier words._**

 ** _CJ was fighting for her freedom. To prove to herself that she was stronger than those bastards who haunted her nightmares._**

 ** _CJ slashed across Iron Bull's hand while digging her thumb into his wrist, hitting a pressure point. His hold loosened just enough on his sword that CJ was able to wrench it away. She had never managed to take his weapon before, and was shocked at how heavy it actually was._**

 ** _"_** ** _This thing is huge!" She gasped, dodging away from Iron Bull, his sword clutched oddly in her arms. "And sharp!" She dumped it on the outer edge of the ring and then moved just right of it. The blade had cut her while she was carrying it. Tiny stings of pain shot through her arms, but she ignored them._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm a big guy." Iron Bull answered, slowly trying to circle around her. As he got close enough, CJ darted to the side, away from his sword, thinking he'd go in the opposite direction, to reach his weapon._**

 ** _She was wrong. Iron Bull darted straight at her, CJ tried changing directions, but her feet slipped on loose soil and she stumbled. That was all Iron Bull needed to slam in to her, pinning her face-down._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you concede?" He exclaimed as she struggled against him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Never!" She spat out, forcing back the memories that were surfacing to focus on the fight. He was much stronger than she was, and had CJ securely pinned with his knees on her legs and hands on her shoulders._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's always a good day when I get to sit on top of a beautiful woman." Iron Bull said, his voice low, flirting. "Be even better if we were naked."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What about the audience?" She retorted, straining to find a way to loosen his hold. If she could just get him to lift his knees._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't mind an audience. Never have. Unless, of course, you mind it. Then we'd go somewhere private. Have you screaming my name in pleasure."_**

 ** _CJ didn't quite understand how those words made her feel. Both terrified and exhilarated at the same time._**

 ** _"_** ** _And if I told you to stop?" The question was out before she could stop it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Then I'd stop." It was said so bluntly, so honestly, CJ fell still. He really meant that. He would stop._**

 ** _Not wanting to think about that, CJ shoved that thought away as she came up with a plan. She struggled harder, causing Iron Bull to have to put more weight on her shoulders to keep her in place. Careful movement got her shoulder where she wanted it, and CJ put all her strength into her next struggle. Iron Bull instinctively responded with the same strength and CJ's shoulder came out of place with a loud pop. Then CJ went still, as if she had passed out._**

 ** _Having experienced the pain before, CJ managed to keep all signs of it off her face as Iron Bull quickly released her with a curse._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter?!" He exclaimed. "Fighter, you all right?!" She didn't move. "Stitches! Get over h-," When he had turned away from CJ to call for the healer, CJ had opened her eyes and grabbed her knife. She now stood to his back, he was still on his knees, one knife at his throat, her dislocated arm hanging uselessly at her side._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you concede?" She questioned, fighting to keep the pain and pride out of her voice, both of which were warring inside her. He shifted slightly, and CJ pressed the knife more firmly, drawing blood. "Do you concede, The Iron Bull?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _That was a dirty trick." Iron Bull exclaimed, and CJ laughed, recalling those as the words he said after their first sparring match, three months ago._**

 ** _"_** ** _The enemy won't fight fair." She answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _I concede." Cheers erupted in the audience and CJ saw gold start exchanging hands. She stepped back and then sank to the ground, exhausted. Iron Bull turned and sat down, facing her. He brought one knee up and rested his arm on it. Both of them were filthy and bleeding from various small wounds._**

 ** _"_** ** _For what it's worth," CJ began as Dorian and Solas came up to her, no doubt intending on fixing her arm. Dorian braced her from behind while Solas held her arm securely. With no warning, he yanked it back into place, and CJ winced. That hurt. A lot. "I apologize about the Gramps comment. You have obviously lost none of your ability as you age."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Of course not." Iron Bull sniffed as Stitches began healing him. "I'm like fine wine. I get better with age."_**

 ** _Krem snorted. "You've just won me a great deal of gold, CJ." He lifted up the purse._**

 ** _"_** ** _You bet against your own leader?" CJ exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn right I did." Krem answered. "And when we get back to Haven, dinner's on me, all right?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Sounds good, Krem." CJ grinned at him, exhaustion sweeping through her._**

 ** _"_** ** _You need sleep." Solas said sternly. "Both of you do."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Sleep sounds like an excellent idea." CJ muttered, flopping backwards, arms outstretched._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're going to sleep here?" Dorian asked, appalled._**

 ** _"_** ** _Good as place as any." She answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're crazy. You know that, right?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Dorian, I've known that for years." CJ closed her eyes. "I've embraced my craziness."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fereldans are insane." He scoffed, but CJ didn't bother to reply._**

 ** _Sounds faded as people drew away, going to attend their nightly duties._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're really gonna sleep here, fighter?" Apparently Iron Bull hadn't moved away yet._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yup." She answered. "Not the worst place I've ever slept either."_**

 ** _He was silent, but all of a sudden, CJ felt a large body settle next to her. His body heat radiated out, and CJ fought the instinct to move closer._**

 ** _"_** ** _What are you doing?" She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sleeping here as well."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why not?"_**

 ** _She had no answer to that._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't you dare fart next to me." She muttered._**

 ** _Iron Bull laughed. "I would never!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll believe that when I can fly." She retorted. "Night Bull."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Night, fighter."_**

 ** _With that, CJ forced her breathing to even out, and slowly fell asleep._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ," She awoke at the sound of her name, and blinked in the early morning light, slightly confused. "Talon wants to talk to you." She nodded at the young soldier who had wakened her, and sat up. Iron Bull was still lying next to her._**

 ** _She had slept through the night. He had pinned her, but she had still slept through the night. And as fragments of her dreams floated across her mind, she felt her face warm. They had definitely not been nightmares._**

 _ **That was new.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 6

 ** _The breach was sealed, and the group was back in Haven. People celebrating, dancing and laughing. Enjoying the win._**

 ** _Lights in the distance. So many lights. Attack on Haven, red Templars and horrors._**

 ** _A demon-god, and a dragon._**

 ** _So much death. CJ tried. She tried so hard, saved Lysette and Seggrit. Adan and Minueave. Not Mindy or Jonas. Humphrey. Karl. Bessy. Tolly. Mira. Anisa. So many innocent people she failed to save. Screams. Screams of the dying. Of the injured and terrified. Children crying for parents who didn't answer. CJ not moving fast enough, a child caught in a blast of fire. The explosion threw CJ back, slamming her into the ground. His screams echoing in her soul._**

 ** _The strange boy, Cole, showing them a way out, CJ refusing to leave Talon. No way in hell was she going to let him face these monsters without her._**

 ** _Fighting, fighting so hard to reach the trebuchet, to launch one final attack. Sword wounds, dagger to the side, several hits on her helmet that left her ears ringing. CJ shook them all off. Templar grabbed her by her throat, lifting her in the air, fire appearing around his hand, burning her skin. CJ cut his hand off and then slit his throat._**

 ** _A monster. What was that monster, which used to be a man?_**

 _ **Talon telling them to run. To clear out. He'd be right behind them. CJ refusing, yelling. She would not lose him as well. Pain, a sharp pain in her head, and all was black.**_


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 7

 ** _"_** ** _How hard did you hit her, Bull?" CJ regained consciousness slowly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Not that hard!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _She's been unconscious for two days!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _To be fair, that's not all Iron Bull's doing. She had already received a couple blows to the head and was sporting a mild concussion." Solas. That was Solas. "His blow was just the one that caused it all to go downhill."_**

 ** _"_** ** _She should have just listened when Boss told us to fall back. A good soldier obeys orders."_**

 ** _A snort sounded out. Sera? "She's not a soldier though."_**

 ** _"_** ** _She'd either be a terrible or very good one." Blackwall._**

 ** _"_** ** _She's going to be very upset with you when she wakes up." Varric._**

 ** _"_** ** _The Herald has not awoken either." Cassandra. So Talon was there._**

 ** _"_** ** _Probably best that CJ did not awake before Talon found us." Dorian. "She may have killed Iron Bull for making her leave him behind."_**

 ** _"_** ** _My dears, if you'd pay attention, you'd see that the object of your conversation has awoken." Vivienne. "Open your eyes, my dear CJ. Show our colleagues that you are indeed alive."_**

 ** _Slowly, CJ did as she was bid. She was lying on a mat, Talon stretched out beside her. Their group was spread out around the tent, watching with varying degrees of relief playing on their features._**

 ** _"'_** ** _s he 'right?" Her voice croaked and she grimaced as pain tore through her._**

 ** _"_** ** _He is going to be fine. Nothing our healers could not cure him of." Cassandra answered. "Your throat is going to be sore for a while. Don't speak too much. I will report to our advisors that you have woken up."_**

 ** _As Varric and Dorian took turns, informing CJ of what had happened after Iron Bull knocked her out, CJ determinedly refused to look at the qunari. He'd made her leave, and Talon had almost died._**

 ** _"_** ** _So what do we do now?" Her voice was scratchy and raw._**

 _ **"**_ _ **We've set up a temporary camp." Solas answered. "To regroup and discuss our next move."**_


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 8

 ** _It was another day before Talon finally woke up. People were scared. They had seen their defender go up against an unspeakable evil, and fall. But he came back. They could survive this. Haven was gone, but Solas knew of a place they could go. A fortress they could make their own._**

 ** _It was a long journey, many of the more injured probably wouldn't survive, but there was nothing else they could do. And so they went, following Talon and Solas, through the mountains. To a fortress that Solas had seen in dreams in the Fade._**

 ** _As they marched, CJ focused on helping with the wounded, doing what she could to make them comfortable, or to help ease their passing._**

 ** _A child, Tommy, a boy of three years, had lost his family and one of his legs from the knee down in the attack. He became attached to CJ, wanting to be with her constantly._**

 ** _CJ didn't mind. She'd carry him with her, having fashioned a harness for him to sit in._**

 ** _One arrogant soldier had asked why CJ didn't just leave the child to die. She had silenced him with a blade to the throat, proving she could still move easily with the child secured to her torso._**

 ** _"_** ** _Enough death has been seen, hasn't it?" She asked. "If the child has fought to live this long, I will not abandon him."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter." She looked away from the soldier at the sound of her nickname. "He's not worth your time. Come with me. I have something to ask you."_**

 ** _So far, CJ had been pretty good at avoiding Iron Bull. She was still pissed at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm busy," She turned away from him, and was surprised when he caught her arm._**

 ** _"_** ** _No you're not. The kid can come too. Please."_**

 ** _She couldn't deny him now. With a sigh, she followed Iron Bull away from the main group of marchers._**

 ** _"_** ** _Look, I know you're pissed at me." He began after a moment. "And you have every right to be, but I won't apologize. Whether you like it or not, Boss is our leader. Our commander. When he gives us an order, we have to obey it. Did I want to leave him behind? Of course not! But orders are orders!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I will not blindly follow orders, like a lemming!" She retorted hotly. "What if the order came to kill an innocent man? A child?!" She indicated to Tommy, who was asleep in the harness. "I will not follow orders I do not believe in."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Boss wouldn't," Iron Bull began._**

 ** _"_** ** _Of course he wouldn't." CJ exclaimed. "But if the order came?" She demanded. "What would you do then? Or what if the order was to abandon your team to certain death? What would you do then?!"_**

 ** _The moment the question was out of her mouth, CJ was shaking her head._**

 ** _"_** ** _No, don't answer that." She said, cutting Iron Bull off. "I never should have asked that. I know you care for your team. That crossed the line. I'm sorry."_**

 ** _"_** ** _To be fair, I probably deserved it," He tried to laugh it off, but CJ shook her head again._**

 ** _"_** ** _No you didn't." She retorted. "Yes, I'm pissed at you, but I'm just as mad at myself. I had no right to say that to you. It was wrong of me. You are a good man. You've proven that very clearly."_**

 ** _He stared at her, as if something she said surprised him. "You think I'm a good man?"_**

 ** _CJ felt her face flush. She hadn't meant to blurt that out. But she wasn't about to take it back. Instead, she lifted her chin defiantly._**

 ** _"_** ** _I do."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oi, fighter!" CJ turned away from Iron Bull at the sound of Sera's call. "Come here! Need your experience!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Duty calls." She didn't look back at Iron Bull as she walked away. Instead, she focused on trying to stop blushing. By the time she reached Sera, she was reasonably sure she had succeeded._**

 ** _That night, when they stopped to camp, Solas announced that they were close. Should be reaching it the next day._**

 ** _Cheers sounded out at that. CJ helped hand out dinner. She caught sight of the boy who had warned them before the attack, Cole? He was standing outside a ring of light cast by a fire, no one was offering him any food. Grabbing a bowl, CJ made her way over to him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hungry?" She offered him the bowl._**

 ** _"_** ** _You can see me?" He sounded surprised._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah. You're Cole, right? You helped us at Haven. Thank you for that." Surprise completely covered his face. "You saved a lot of lives." He hadn't taken the bowl yet. "Go on. Eat. It's pretty decent."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You can remember me. You can see me. How? I'm not letting you see me."_**

 ** _CJ raised an eyebrow in confusion._**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't want me to see you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's not a matter of want or not want." He answered. "It just is. If I let you see me, you see me. If I don't, you don't. I'm not letting you see me, so how are you seeing me?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry, but I don't understand."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Neither do I!" He took the bowl from her. "What is this? Food?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Stew." She answered. "It's good. Warms you right up." She turned away._**

 ** _"_** ** _Will you sit with me?" The question surprised her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Let me grab some for me and Tommy, and then I will." She smiled at him._**

 ** _Five minutes later, she and Tommy were seated on the ground, Cole sitting a couple feet away from them. She watched Tommy for a minute, making sure he could handle the stew, before turning her attention to Cole._**

 ** _He looked lost, and confused. CJ wanted to help him._**

 ** _"_** ** _What's wrong?" She asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _You hate yourself." She blinked, startled. That's not what she was expecting._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You hate yourself. Because you failed them. You failed them all. You couldn't save them. You were the youngest one, the strongest, you should have been able to break free sooner. But you didn't." CJ stared at him. "You think they died horribly, scared and in pain, and broken. But you're wrong. The monsters lied to you. When you would pass out, they'd bring the women in. Have them tend your wounds. They wanted that to scare the women. Make them fight less. But it made them fight more. You gave them courage. They saw what the monsters did to you, and you never made a noise. Throat burning, aching from holding back screams, but it never passed your lips. The night they took you to the lake, the women fought back. They died, yes, but they died fighting. They died with courage. With pride. You gave them that. You didn't fail them. You saved them, in the end."_**

 ** _CJ had forgotten about the food. How in the hell had he known about that? Could he be telling the truth?_**

 ** _"_** ** _How-," Her voice gave out. "How do you know that?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I see things." He answered. "I see pain in people. I try to help. Like I helped Roderick, when he thought of the escape tunnel. You have a lot of pain in you. I pulled at it, but I've made it worse. Let me try again."_**

 ** _His face twisted, but CJ just continued staring at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _What you said, were you speaking the truth?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You didn't forget me?" Cole asked instead of answering her question._**

 ** _"_** ** _Obviously not," CJ exclaimed. "Were you telling the truth? Did the women die fighting?" She had moved closer to him, her bowl left by Tommy. The child was watching with interest, not understanding what was going on. "Did they?!" Her voice took on a hysterical edge._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mazy died last. Blinded one of the monsters. She took revenge for her grandson. Little Billy." Cole was looking at her, his face blank. "I speak the truth. They died, but they died fighting."_**

 ** _CJ couldn't stop herself. She hugged the young man to her tightly. "Thank you." She whispered._**

 ** _"_** ** _The pain. It's still there. Why is it still there?" His voice was muffled by CJ's shirt._**

 ** _"_** ** _Because they're still dead." She answered, releasing him and moving back to Tommy. "But thank you. You've helped."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't understand."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Neither do I." She shrugged. "Eat your stew."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't know if I need to eat." He answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Easiest way to find out is to take a bite." She said. After a moment, Cole did as she bid._**

 ** _A strange look passed over his face, but he continued eating._**

 ** _When the bowls were empty and Tommy was back in his harness, Cole spoke._**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't fear me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No." She answered. "I don't."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You haven't given me a reason to."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I went in to your mind."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes," She nodded. "You did. But you did it to help. Not hurt. That makes all the difference."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You are not normal, CJ." Cole said slowly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Are any of us?" She smiled at him again._**

 ** _"_** ** _You won't be forgetting me, will you?" Cole questioned. "Even if I try to make you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I hope you don't try, but no, I don't think I will be. Good night, Cole."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Good night, CJ."_**

 ** _CJ deposited the bowls next to Ida, whose turn it was to take care of this group's dishes, before grabbing a bedroll and finding a place to lay down. Tommy curled up into her, pressing his body as close as possible, trying to find more warmth. CJ wrapped one blanket around the child, and then draped the other one over the both of them._**

 _ **"**_ _ **Sleep well, Tommy."**_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 9

 ** _Skyhold. That was the name of their new home. It needed a lot of work done, but even damaged as it was, it offered better defense than Haven ever had. Talon accepted the role of Inquisitor. CJ hid a smile. She was going to have fun with that._**

 ** _Talon went hunting for Cole, to determine whether he should be allowed to stay. Cole helped the soldier. Talon let him stay. Most were not happy, because they didn't understand what Cole did. They were afraid of him. CJ could understand that, fearing what you didn't understand, but she was glad that Talon was willing to give the kid a chance. He deserved it. Without him, the casualties would have been a whole lot worse at Haven._**

 ** _They'd been at Skyhold for two weeks now, CJ was currently sitting on a low wall, reading to Tommy out of a history book._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're quiet." She paused at the sound of Cole's voice. "Inside. Sometimes I hear you, other times, I don't. Why?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _So it has been working." She mused. "You can just hear inside people's heads, right?" Cole nodded. "I've been trying to block you out. Creating a mental wall, and picturing it locking all sounds in. I wasn't sure if it was working."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No one's been able to do that before. Why are you doing it? Do you not want my help?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I want to help you." She answered. "You can't shut the world out, so you are always surrounded pain. If I can block you out, then for a while, you can sit by me and not be surrounded by pain. I know you want to help everyone, but what about you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You . . . . . want to help me?" He spoke slowly, as if that thought had never occurred to him. That someone would want to help him._**

 ** _"_** ** _I do."_**

 ** _He was silent for a minute. "Can you . . . . try to block me out?"_**

 ** _CJ nodded and focused on a wall._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's . . . . working. I can't hear your pain."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You can stay as long as you'd like, Cole." CJ smiled at the young man. "I'm going to continue reading to Tommy, ok?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Thank you."_**

 ** _So that became a routine, of sorts. When CJ didn't have other duties to attend to, she'd take Tommy to a quiet spot and read to him. More often than not, Cole would join them. He would sit silently as CJ read and focused on keeping her wall up._**

 ** _"_** ** _You are like a mother duck."_**

 ** _CJ raised an eyebrow at the sound of Iron Bull's voice. She was currently working a piece of wood with a carving knife, attempting to create a false leg of sorts for Tommy, so he would be able to walk._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _A mother duck. You adopt the abandoned little ones. Krem, Tommy, and now Cole. Hell, even Boss. You adopt them and protect them against the harsh world." She looked at him, trying to determine if he was making fun of her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Krem and Talon are hardly little."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You've still adopted them." He retorted. "Why else would you get so upset when Boss runs off on missions without you? Or why you are so determined at helping Krem." Iron Bull moved to sit next to her, the bench she was seated on creaking ominously at his additional weight._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm their friend."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That you are." Iron Bull agreed. "But that doesn't mean you haven't adopted them. Anyone can see that the kid, Tommy, is as in love with you as you are with him. And Cole? The kid never looks more at peace than when he is by you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Is there a point to this?" She muttered, feeling her face warm._**

 ** _"_** ** _Just wanted to know why, is all."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why what?" She exclaimed. "Why do I care about them?"_**

 ** _He nodded._**

 ** _CJ was silent for a moment, debating on how she should answer. "Because I know what it feels like to have nobody care about you. To have no one worry about whether you're dead or alive. Or wonder if you're eating right. Or a parent to care about you. And if I can stop someone else from feeling that pain, I'm sure as hell going to try."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Your life has not been easy, has it?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No. It hasn't. But it has made me stronger."_**

 ** _CJ was surprised when Iron Bull put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. "That could be dangerous when I'm holding a knife, Bull." But she didn't pull away. She felt safe in his hold. Safe and warm._**

 ** _"_** ** _You wouldn't cut me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Have you forgotten our last fight already?" She asked easily, frowning at the wood in her hand. It wasn't turning out correctly. Making a disgusted noise, she chucked the wood away from her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hard to forget when someone half your size takes you down in front of an entire army." He answered._**

 ** _She shrugged, the movement causing her to shift against his side. She really should probably maybe pull away soon. "You were the one who challenged me, remember?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah," He laughed. "Yeah I did. You'd think I'd learn after the eighth time, huh?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You've won your fair share of our fights." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _I keep underestimating you." She tipped her head back to look at him, surprised to realize he had leaned his head down. Their faces were mere inches apart. "Every time I think I've got you figured out, you throw me off balance."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I've got to keep things interesting around here. Wouldn't want anyone to get bored."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Around you, I don't think I could ever get bored." His voice lowered._**

 ** _CJ's mind was racing. He was going to kiss her. She could see it in his eyes. He was going to kiss her. Him kiss her! He was going to kiss her, and she was going to let him. It's not like he was holding her in place. CJ could easily move away if she desired. Instead, she was rooted to the spot, unable to do anything except stare at him as he moved closer and closer._**

 ** _His lips were just a hair away from hers, their breath mixing together._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter!" CJ jumped away like she had been burned. "Inquisitor's looking for you!" Sera hadn't entered the courtyard yet, and when she did, she only found Iron Bull, looking extremely ticked off._**

 _ **CJ was long gone, dodging around civilians as she focused on putting as much distance between her and Bull as possible. He had almost kissed her. And she would have let him!**_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 10

 ** _"_** ** _Hey, Inquisitalon, what's the game plan?"_**

 ** _Talon shot CJ an annoyed look. She just grinned at him, swinging on the tree branch she had climbed up onto when Sera had bet she couldn't in her armor._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm not liking the nickname." He said tersely._**

 ** _"_** ** _That's the thing about nicknames, Inquisitalon." She answered. "You don't get to pick 'em."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Not all of us can have an awesome one like 'fighter', huh?" Varric asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _If you're awesome, you can." She retorted, and then yelped, dropping to the ground in order to dodge the rock Talon had just thrown at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ, you, Cole, Varric, Solas, and the Chargers head west. There's a group of refugees heading towards us. I'm sure they'd appreciate an escort. There's reports of venatori in the area." Talon exclaimed._**

 ** _CJ raised an eyebrow. "That means I'm in charge of Bull?" She turned to look at the qunari. "You hear that Bull? I'm in charge!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _If she gets to be too annoying, tie her up and leave her somewhere." Talon muttered, giving up._**

 ** _"_** ** _That might be enjoyable." Cole spoke so softly only Iron Bull and CJ heard him._**

 ** _Her face flared red._**

 ** _"_** ** _Cole," Iron Bull said lowly. "What have I said about peeking into my head?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It wasn't only in your head." CJ didn't wait around after that._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right, group!" She called, running. "Follow me!"_**

 ** _She pulled a ways in front of them, her face a deep red. The thought had been in her mind for less than a second, and of course Cole picked it up. As much as she cared about the kid, sometimes, she wanted to gag him._**

 ** _They'd been scouting for three hours when they came upon the refugees. They'd been pinned down by a group of darkspawn, barely keeping them at bay._**

 ** _"_** ** _Defend the refugees!" She yelled, unsheathing her knives._**

 ** _The darkspawn were quickly taken care of, and CJ's team thanked graciously by the refugees._**

 ** _"_** ** _Bull, You, Varric, Grim, and Stitches keep pace with the group. Skinner, Solas, you branch out to the west, keeping an eye out for any threats. Cole, Dalish, Rocky, and Krem, you're with me to the east. We all head back towards Talon, agreed?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Agreed." Her team answered, Iron Bull snapping off a short salute. She rolled her eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've got your orders. Head out!"_**

 ** _She led her small team to the east, spread out covering a fair distance._**

 ** _A loud roar filled the air and CJ froze, a sense of dread coming over her. That sounded a lot like . . . ._**

 ** _"_** ** _Was . . . . that a dragon?" Krem's voice was tight._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes Krem, I do believe it was." CJ couldn't quite stop the sarcasm in her tone. "Who's the fastest? Cole? Run as fast as you can. Get back to the main group. Send those who can fight and tell everyone else to book it towards Talon." Cole nodded and took off._**

 ** _"_** ** _And what are we going to do?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _We, Rocky," CJ looked over her group as the dragon headed towards them. "We're going to take down a dragon."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I was afraid you were going to say that." He muttered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Rocky, Dalish, you stay back as far as you can while still being in range. Dalish, do anything you can to blind, disorient, hell, deafen the dragon. Keep it distracted. Rocky, time to prove how good your aim is. Yes, dragons are tough, but throwing a grenade down its' throat will kill it just as easy as it would anything else. Krem, you and I will work on taking it down, close range. If we can hamstring it, it won't be able to move nearly as easy."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You do realize dragon skin is incredibly tough, right?" Krem commented, the shake in his voice belying the sarcasm he tried to convey._**

 ** _"_** ** _Well then, let's be tougher. Get ready!"_**

 ** _The dragon landed with a loud thump, causing the ground to shake beneath them. "Attack!"_**

 ** _CJ knew it was foolish, running at the dragon like she was, but if they didn't stop it, it would easily catch up to the refugees. They had to stop it here._**

 ** _"_** ** _Front left leg first!" She yelled to Krem, dodging away from a ball of fire. "Get in close! Under the belly! She can't get at us with her tail there!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _But she can just drop on us!" Krem retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're a charger! If that happens, keep your horns and sword pointing up!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _If we survive this, you owe me big time!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _If we survive this, I'll buy you a new sword!" She retorted. "Now shut up and focus on hamstringing this monster!" A pattern soon became apparent to CJ. Before the dragon jumped, it would hunch down lower. When it was going to lift one of its claws, it would shift all weight away from that leg. Calling out to Krem, they started coordinating their attacks better. When the dragon would crouch down, they'd focus on attacking her underbelly. When she shifted her weight, they'd focus on the load-bearing leg._**

 ** _Slowly, ever so slowly, they began making progress against the monster._**

 ** _As it turned out, Rocky's aim was terrible. Grenades dropped around them, making a more dangerous terrain for them._**

 ** _The dragon let out a loud roar as Krem's sword bit through the muscles on her left leg and CJ's knives sliced through the muscles on her right leg. The dragon was partially hobbled, her front legs now useless for supporting weight._**

 ** _She and Krem fell back slightly, to re-group. Too late did CJ see the dragon tense._**

 ** _"_** ** _Move!" She tried pushing Krem out of the way, but the tail caught them, sending them both flying. CJ slammed into a rock, crying out as the air was forced from her lungs._**

 ** _Pain. Pain was everywhere, but CJ forced herself to her feet. Krem was done, knocked out from his landing. She was tired. Very tired. Dalish and Rocky were getting tired as well. She could see it in their stances. They needed to end this now._**

 ** _"_** ** _Rocky, how many grenades do you have left?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Three!" He answered. CJ ran to him, and grabbed one of them. "What are you doing?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm going to make her eat it!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _How?!" Dalish called but then swore a second later. "That is suicide!"_**

 ** _CJ didn't answer, just ran straight for the dragon, dodging the fire shot at her. Yes, it probably was suicide. But the dragon would kill them all before going for the refugees. She couldn't let that happen. This was necessary._**

 ** _"_** ** _Come and get me you scaly bastard!" She screamed, now only feet from the dragon's huge mouth. It opened with a loud roar, nearly deafening her. Heat surrounded her as the dragon inhaled, about to unleash CJ's sure death. She cocked her arm back and threw the grenade as hard as she could, so close now, her armor actually caught on the dragon's tooth. As the grenade flew down the dragon's throat, it automatically gagged, its jaw closing on instinct. CJ screamed as pain lanced through her arm from a tooth piercing it. She only had ten more seconds, tops, before the grenade exploded. Stuck in the dragon's mouth was not where she wanted to be._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm not dying like this!" She screamed, and with strength she didn't know she possessed, yanked her arm out, taking the tooth with her._**

 _ **Not stopping to think, CJ whipped around, beginning to run. She only made it four steps before the grenade detonated. A shockwave of pressure knocked her to the ground, the following noise and heat sweeping over her in a torrent. Something heavy collided with her, pinning her to the ground. Her last thought was of Tommy. The poor boy would be devastated. CJ knew no more.**_


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 11

 ** _The group Cole had summoned just crested the hill when they saw CJ running straight towards the dragon._**

 ** _"_** ** _What the hell is she doing?!" Iron Bull demanded._**

 ** _"_** ** _She's going to feed it." Cole answered immediately. "Can't let it hurt them. Can't let them die. It'd kill him."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Feed it what?!" Stitches asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _A grenade."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Shit." Iron Bull took off down the hill, running as fast as he could towards his men and CJ. A loud explosion split through the air, the dragon dying in a burst of blood and gore as its head was forcibly separated from the rest of its body. "Shit!" Dalish and Rocky had split up, one running to where Krem was lying prone on the ground, the other to the last place CJ had been seen._**

 ** _Seeing Krem sit up, Iron Bull veered towards CJ._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter?!" Dalish was yelling. "Fighter, can you hear me?!"_**

 ** _The ground was covered in pieces of dragon, some of them as big as Iron Bull himself._**

 ** _"_** ** _Here!" Cole's voice sounded out. He was crouched down beside where a large part of the dragon's shoulder had landed. "She's here!"_**

 ** _Working together, Iron Bull, Dalish, Cole, and Stitches quickly uncovered the prone figure of CJ. She was covered in blood, not all of it the dragon's._**

 ** _A tooth was lodged in her arm, pierced straight through the armor there._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ?!" Cole touched her face._**

 ** _No response._**

 ** _"_** ** _She's insane!" Krem exclaimed, hobbling to join them, aided by Rocky, who had filled him in on CJ's actions._**

 ** _"_** ** _She's badly injured." Stitches said, looking over the woman with a critical eye. "Burns, cuts, maybe some internal injuries. We need to get her armor and clothes off. I need to be able to see where I'm healing."_**

 ** _Iron Bull crouched down, beginning to unstrap her armor._**

 ** _"_** ** _Chief, you shouldn't be here." Krem's voice startled him, and Iron Bull looked at his lieutenant with a glare._**

 ** _"_** ** _Like hell." He retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _She wouldn't want you to see!" Krem exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _See what?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _He doesn't understand." Cole spoke up. "He doesn't understand why she pulls away. He wants her. She wants him. He can see it in her eyes. Why does she pull away? It hurts him. It hurts her that she hurts him. Let him see. It will help." Krem stared at Cole, but then nodded shortly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Stay. Don't stay. I don't give a damn." Stitches bit out. "But if you want me to save this woman, I need to see her wounds immediately!"_**

 ** _Working quickly, CJ's armor was carefully removed. In some places on her arms, the heat had seared it to her flesh. It had to be peeled away. As Dalish cut away her clothes, Iron Bull became very aware of why Krem had told him to leave._**

 ** _Starting at the base of CJ's feet covering the area until her lower stomach, CJ's skin was covered in a patchwork of white lines._**

 ** _"_** ** _What is that," Rocky asked. "Some sort of tattoo?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Scars." Iron Bull answered, his voice blank. "From being tortured."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Tortured?" Rocky spluttered. "I'm never seen torture scars like that!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You wouldn't, unless you've been captured by the Ben-hassrath." Iron Bull exclaimed. "This," He indicated to the scars. "Was a specialty of the re-educators. Start at the soles of the feet. Work your way up. Slowly and carefully cutting a design into your victim's skin. You do a little at a time, deep enough to scar, to hurt, but not kill. Rub a paste into the cuts that slows the healing. Increases the pain. Most break before they get past the ankles. Plead and beg and give into whatever their captor wants." He kept staring at those scars. How long had she suffered? How had she even been in a situation to receive them? "I've never seen someone with marks so high on their body. How long was she tortured?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Six months." Iron Bull's head whipped towards Krem, who was looking at CJ with intense sadness. "They had her for six months. Tried to break her. They never did."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why wouldn't she want me to see this?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Weak. Terrified and scared and weak. That's what she feels when she sees the scars." Cole was speaking again. "When she feels them. When they ache in the night. Such weakness. Can't let him see. Can never let him see. The weakness. Pathetic little whore. Never be good enough for him. Doesn't deserve him. Too weak."_**

 ** _"_** ** _We need to get that tooth out of her arm!" Stitches cut in, interrupting them. "Bull, you're the strongest. You'll be the one to pull it out. Dalish and Rocky, hold her arm steady. If it jerks or the tooth shifts too much, more nerve damage could be done. More than I can fix. When she's braced, Bull, you've got to pull the tooth out very carefully. It went straight through two muscles. From what I can see, it's actually a clean penetration. I can heal it. But if you do more damage pulling it out, she could lose permanent use of her arm."_**

 ** _Iron Bull forced all of his emotions back to focus on what Stitches was say. CJ needed him right now. He could focus on falling apart later._**

 ** _Almost an hour later, Stitches had healed all she could. Everyone else had minor wounds, Krem sporting a large knot on his head. Digging through CJ's pack, Cole pulled out an extra set of clothes and he and Dalish dressed her carefully._**

 ** _"_** ** _When will she wake up?" Rocky asked Stitches, who was looking quite worn out._**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't know if she even will." Stitches answered, masking a yawn. "There was a lot of internal bleeding."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's what happens when you blow up a dragon." Krem muttered, scowling at the unconscious woman. "When, and I mean 'when' not 'if', she wakes up, we are going to have a long talk about stupid ideas."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No doubt Talon and the rest of the group are on their way here." Iron Bull said. "We'll camp here, make sure no scavengers try to make off with our dragon. Rocky, Dalish, Krem, and Stitches, you all get some rest. Cole, keep an eye on them."_**

 ** _He turned his back on the unconscious woman. "I'll gather some wood. Get a fire going."_**

 ** _Cole caught his arm before he got too far away. "You are not to blame for her scars." He said. Iron Bull looked at him. "She's not afraid of you. She thinks you're better than the ones who gave her those."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Am I, Cole?" Iron Bull said. "You can see way down deep in my head. Tell me, am I better than them?"_**

 _ **"**_ _ **That you're even asking already confirms it." Cole answered. "I will protect her while you are gone." Iron Bull watched as Cole went back to CJ's side before shaking his head. Firewood. He needed to collect firewood.**_


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 12

 ** _Pain. A dull ache and then a sharp stab. Alternating in her head and body. Head would ache, body would stab. Head would stab, body would ache. Repeating the cycle with each breath. With every beat of her heart. CJ groaned. At least she knew she wasn't dead. No way being dead would hurt this much. She was on something soft. What was she on? Where was she? What happened with the dragon?_**

 ** _CJ tried moving, but discovered her body felt like lead. Even lifting her hand proved to be too much of a challenge. Groaning again, this time more in frustration than in pain, CJ focused on trying to move her toes. Start small and then work her way up to something big, like opening her eyes._**

 ** _She didn't know how long she laid there, just willing her toes to move. Slowly, ever so slowly, they wiggled. All right, toes still worked. What about fingers?_**

 ** _This was harder, and more painful. Each twitch sent a new wave of pain coursing up her arms, her left one more so than the right. Why did that one hurt so much more? Oh, dragon tooth. That's right. She hoped someone had saved that tooth. She would want that._**

 ** _Fingers moved. Hands closing into fists before opening again._**

 ** _Now for the eyes._**

 ** _It felt like her eyelids had been melted shut, not wanting to open. But CJ managed._**

 ** _She was in a room. Her room, actually. Back in Skyhold. How long had she been unconscious? Slowly, she forced herself into a sitting position. Pain rose and fell in waves, but none of it so sharp as to stop her from moving. There was a pitcher on the desk across the room. Suddenly she was very thirsty. Needed a drink desperately. She eyed the distance. It was only ten feet. Twelve tops. She could make it. Couldn't she?_**

 ** _Turns out, she couldn't. Three steps away from her bed, and her legs gave out, sending her to the floor._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn it." She bit out as that caused more pain. But she still wanted a drink. She had two options. Crawl the remaining distance, or force herself up and try again._**

 ** _CJ discarded the idea of crawling almost immediately. She would not risk someone walking in and seeing her crawling across the floor because she was too weak to stand._**

 ** _Through sheer determination, and a whole lot of stubbornness, CJ made it to her desk, sinking into the chair with a sigh of relief. Legs, though very shaky, seemed to be on the whole unhurt. Good. Sliding the pitcher closer, CJ saw that it was full. And it still felt cool. Someone must have brought it recently. With a lot of difficulty, her arms and hands not wanting to cooperate, CJ managed to pour herself a glass. Part of her had been tempted to just drink from the pitcher, but with the shaking of her arms, it would have ended up with her half-drenched._**

 ** _Thirst slaked, exhaustion swept over her again. Tiredly, she looked back at her bed. Sure, it was softer and more comfortable than the chair, but it was also twelve feet away. CJ wasn't sure she could make it back. Deciding it wasn't worth the effort, CJ crossed her arms and laid her head down on the desk. The wood was cool beneath her cheek. Was she running a fever?_**

 ** _That was CJ's last thought before falling back asleep._**

 ** _Someone touching her shoulder woke CJ up. She blearily opened her eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _I was gone for fifteen minutes. Tops." That was Iron Bull. "And in that time, despite not moving for a week, you managed to make it to your desk?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Was thirsty." She mumbled, laying her head back down._**

 ** _"_** ** _And now?"_**

 ** _"'_** ** _m tired."_**

 ** _"_** ** _So why not sleep on your bed?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Far 'way." Her eyes slid closed. She was close to falling back asleep._**

 ** _Iron Bull laughed softly. "Fighter, you can't sleep there."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Can too." She retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _Can not." He exclaimed. CJ ignored him. She was barely awake when she felt her chair move, and strong arms were picking her up gently. She was too tired to fight him as Iron Bull lifted her into his arms, supporting her back with one arm and the other under her knees. Instead she just turned her head until it was leaning against his shoulder._**

 ** _"_** ** _Warm." She mumbled._**

 ** _"_** ** _Go to sleep, CJ." His voice rumbled against her. "We can talk when you wake up."_**

 _ **CJ was not strong enough, nor did she have any real desire, to fight sleep, so she gave in.**_


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 13

 ** _The next time she awoke, CJ felt immensely better. The pain was still there, but it had all but faded to a slight ache._**

 ** _"_** ** _I am never doing that again." She muttered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shoving your arm down a dragon's throat generally isn't the recommended method to kill one anyways." She opened one eye to see Iron Bull sitting beside her bed._**

 ** _"_** ** _I didn't shove my arm down its throat." She retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _No? Then how'd you end up with a tooth through your arm?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _My armor may have gotten caught on its tooth when I chucked the grenade down its throat. And apparently when you throw a grenade down a dragon's throat, it closes its mouth on reflex."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Your arm was stuck in a dragon's mouth when a grenade exploded?" Iron Bull questioned._**

 ** _"_** ** _No. I yanked it out. With the tooth. I was four steps away when it exploded."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter," CJ looked at him. "You are either very brave or very stupid." She smiled._**

 ** _"_** ** _I like to think it's a healthy mixture of both, thank you very much." He laughed. But then the laughter died from his face as his eye flicked over her body._**

 ** _CJ's smile died as well. In that glance, she knew. She knew that he knew about the scars. He'd seen them. He was meeting her eyes again. He wasn't going to bring it up if she didn't._**

 ** _"_** ** _Who all saw them?" She finally asked, not looking away from him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Most of the chargers. Cole. Me." Iron Bull ticked off each one on his fingers. "Talon. And Varric. But those last two only because they wouldn't stay out of the room when Stitches was trying to check your wounds when we got back to Skyhold." Her face colored in embarrassment. "Krem and Talon told us what happened. How you got them."_**

 ** _She couldn't meet his gaze anymore. She sat up, running a hand through her hair._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm going to have a word with those two. Maybe something that involves knives. And dismemberment."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You can't kill 'em Fighter."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Who said anything about killing? You can dismember someone without killing them." She retorted. "I think I'll take Talon's ear. And Krem's big toes."_**

 ** _"_** ** _His big toes?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _He won't be able to balance." She answered simply._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've thought about this before, haven't you?"_**

 ** _She shrugged._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you randomly think about which body parts you'd chop off your companions?" He questioned. She shrugged again._**

 ** _"_** ** _You think about how you'd kill people." She answered. "I think about how I'd maim them. Killing is final. You can't come back from death. Maiming? That's something you live with for the rest of your life. And I only do it when they're being particularly annoying."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Remind me not to mess with you, fighter." Iron Bull laughed. "You've got an evil streak in you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _We all do." She said. "Some just choose to act on it."_**

 ** _"_** ** _All right." He agreed. "Then I hope I never give you cause to act on it."_**

 ** _They fell silent, Iron Bull watching CJ, CJ staring at her hands. She was barefoot, she could feel that beneath the blanket. CJ pushed the blanket off and stared at her feet. The crisscross of scars clear to her._**

 ** _"_** ** _What were they trying to get from you?" Iron Bull asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _They wanted to break me. Wanted me to beg for them to stop." She didn't react as Iron Bull moved to sit on her bed, pulling one of her feet into his lap. He stared at the scars, as if inspecting them for any sign of infection. He stared tracing them, which tickled._**

 ** _"_** ** _Six months." He said. "Krem said they had you for six months. You handled it for six months?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What happened to the bastards who did this to you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I killed them."_**

 ** _"_** ** _How many total?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _The band that abducted us was made up of ten men."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And you killed them all?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I did. The two bastards who scarred me first. Then the others."_**

 ** _"_** ** _How?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Cut through my bonds with a jagged rock. When one bastard came in the middle of the night, drunk, I took his knife and slit his throat. All of them."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ten mercenaries?" Iron Bull let out an impressed whistle. "You'd just been tortured for six months, and you still killed ten mercenaries without getting killed in the process?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Obviously I survived." She answered. He was still tracing the scars on her foot. "That tickles, you know."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh does it?" He grinned and lightened his touch. She squirmed, pulling her foot away._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes, it does!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What about your other foot?" He reached for her, and CJ tried moving away. But she was still slow after being unconscious for a week. He easily caught her foot, pulling her closer and trapping her leg in a hold._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't!" She laughed as he began to tickle her. "Bull! Knock it off!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No!" She kicked at him, but he just trapped her other leg and began tickling both feet. She was now half in his lap, twisting, trying to escape him._**

 ** _She tried pulling his arm away, but that only resulted in him trapping her arm too._**

 ** _"_** ** _This is very unfair!" She exclaimed, red-faced and gasping for air. The way he had her held, she was pretty much immobilized, held against him._**

 ** _"_** ** _The enemy won't fight fair, remember?" He released her only to change hold, now their faces were inches apart._**

 ** _"_** ** _Are you my enemy?" She asked._**

 ** _He searched her face. "I don't want to be." He leaned down. "I very much don't want to be your enemy."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What do you want to be?" The question was out before she could stop it. He leaned even closer. Their lips were mere centimeters apart as he stopped and released her. She understood almost immediately. The next move was hers and hers alone. Whatever she wanted, he'd go with._**

 ** _"_** ** _He's supposed to be your nurse." A voice sounded out. "Not trying to seduce you." CJ pushed Iron Bull away, her face turning a deep red as she saw Krem and Talon standing in the door, looking very amused._**

 ** _"_** ** _If anyone was being a seducer, it was totally fighter." Bull said, scowling at the men._**

 ** _"_** ** _How are you feeling, CJ?" Talon asked as she fought to keep her face even._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fine." She quickly stood up, almost falling if Bull hadn't caught her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Easy, fighter." He said, smiling at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _If you're up to it, I know a little boy who is very eager to see you." Talon said._**

 _ **"**_ _ **I'm up for it. Just let me get dressed." She kicked them all out of her room. As she got dressed, she thought about Iron Bull. He knew about the scars, and he wasn't disgusted by them. He didn't think less of her for them. If Talon and Krem hadn't interrupted them, they might have kissed. CJ honestly didn't know what she would have done, closed the distance between them or widen it. Until she could answer that question, it was going to bother her.**_


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 14

 ** _Tales of her dragon-slaying had spread quickly. Now, CJ couldn't walk through the courtyard without someone asking about it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Now I know how Cassandra probably felt when she saved the Divine." She muttered, as another civilian stopped her. This one wanted to see the scar from the tooth. With a sigh, she pushed up her sleeve._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you still have the tooth?" The young man asked excitedly._**

 ** _"_** ** _I do." She nodded._**

 ** _"_** ** _Can I see it?!" She pulled the tooth out (she had attached it to a string and wore it around her neck) and showed it to the boy. "That is so awesome!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't recommend trying to get one though. Not unless you've got at least ten other people with you." She said. "But I've got to go. Stay safe."_**

 ** _The only good thing about the dragon was the amount of resources they got from it. It was decided that the four who fought it would each get ten percent of the haul from it, with the rest going to the Inquisition._**

 ** _CJ was now the proud owner of two new dragon bone knives, and a nice lump of money. And a new found fame, apparently._**

 ** _"_** ** _He watches you when you're not looking." Cole's voice stopped her in mid-step. "You make him feel things he never expected to. He wants to sleep with you. And by you. He's never wanted that before. To just sleep by someone. He gets jealous of Tommy, because the child can crawl into your bed at any time in the night if he has a nightmare."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Cole," CJ exclaimed. "What have we said about revealing someone's thoughts when they're not around to stop you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm not supposed to." Cole answered obediently. "But you both are hurting. Why won't you do anything about it? He waits for you. For you to make the decision. He will not push you. And you know what decision you'll make. So why don't you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm not having this talk with you, Cole."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why not?" Cole fell into step beside her. "You think about kissing him often. What it would be like. Feel like. If the rumors you've heard were true." He paused. "Oh, that's why." Her face turned red. "You are afraid. Of what he would want. You don't know if you could handle that."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Cole, I love you, but sometimes, I really want to gag you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _The Iron Bull has thought about doing that to you." That was Cole's final parting shot as he wandered off, leaving CJ standing there open-mouthed in shock._**

 ** _CJ was still standing there, ten minutes later, when Blackwall walked by._**

 ** _"_** ** _You all right, fighter?" He questioned._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fine." She snapped out of her shock. "I was looking for you, actually. I've heard you have some talent in wood-working?"_**

 _ **"**_ _ **I do." Blackwall nodded. "Let's go to where I'm set up. You can tell me what you needed on the way."**_


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 15

 ** _"_** ** _We're going where?" CJ stared at Talon in shock._**

 ** _"_** ** _Crestwood."_**

 ** _"_** ** _But we've only just got back from the Western Approach!" Sera protested._**

 ** _"_** ** _No rest for the wicked, right?" Varric spoke up._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hawke's tracked down his Grey Warden friend someplace there." Talon said. "We need to go meet them."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Boss, before we go, I've got something I want to ask." Iron Bull pulled Talon to the side. CJ was curious, but was distracted by Sera picking a fight with Solas._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sera, you can't just dye Solas' clothes!" CJ exclaimed, staring at the girl who was chortling with delight, Solas spluttering in rage behind her. Somehow, Sera had gotten hold of his clothes and dyed them all pink. And not a light pink, but a bright eye-catching hot pink._**

 ** _"_** ** _He needs to be more cheery!" Sera managed to say. "He's cheery now, inn' he?"_**

 ** _CJ barely hid her smile. Solas was glaring at them._**

 ** _"_** ** _Is the dye permanent?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Nah, it'll wash out. Eventually." She snorted in laughter._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mustn't laugh. Don't laugh. It would not be appropriate to laugh." Cole spoke up. "Can't choose sides. Oh Maker's breath, don't laugh!"_**

 ** _Blackwall was no longer able to suppress his snickers. Solas turned his glare on all of them._**

 ** _"_** ** _You are children. The lot of you." CJ cracked next, snickering behind her hand._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry, Solas." CJ said after she got control. "I'll help you wash the dye out."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I could lend you some clothes, Solas." Dorian commented. Sera and CJ locked eyes before dissolving into laughter again._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sulky in Dazzler's clothes! Oh that'd be brilliant!" Sera snorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _My dear, that look would not suit you." Vivienne exclaimed. "But pink does not as well."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I will get you for this." Solas hissed at Sera. "You will regret it."_**

 ** _CJ dragged Sera away before she could offer a retort that would start a war right then and there._**

 ** _"_** ** _You just love antagonizing him, don't you?" She asked and Sera laughed._**

 ** _"_** ** _He makes it too easy! Sticking his nose up in the air and being all elfy! Shiny's not like that. Broody doesn't need to be either!"_**

 ** _CJ just shook her head. "Does Talon know you call him 'Shiny'?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Better than Inquisitalon!" Sera retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hey, that's an excellent nickname!" She protested._**

 ** _"_** ** _Neither of them are good." Varric said, coming up to them. "You should leave the nicknames to professionals. Me and Tiny have it covered."_**

 ** _CJ rolled her eyes at him._**

 _ **This was going to be interesting, to say the least.**_


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 16

 ** _Skeletons. The dead raising. And walking. And attacking. A village plagued by the corpses of past residents. This brought unpleasant memories to CJ's mind. Memories of a village being attacked, of watching people she had grown up knowing, dying one night and then coming back the next night. Of hiding, crouched in the chantry, trying to keep the younger children from crying out. From calling attention to the building. CJ dreamt of a different town. Of a different lake._**

Waves lapping at the shore. The village was silent except her footsteps. She should be in the chantry, safe. Instead, she was scouring the shoreline, trying to fine Annie's blasted toy bear she had dropped. Annie wouldn't be quiet without it. Where was that stupid bear?!

There! Up on a rock! She rushed towards it, grabbing it. A crunch sounded behind her, and CJ whipped around . . . .

 ** _"_** ** _NO!" She came awake with a yell, for a moment still caught in her nightmare, hand grasping for her weapon. Ready to fight off the corpse behind her. But there was nothing but a sleeping Sera. No corpse._**

 ** _She swore softly, sheathing her weapon. "Just a nightmare. That's all."_**

 ** _Knowing she wouldn't get anymore sleep, she carefully got up, doing her best not to disturb her companions._**

 ** _"_** ** _You all right?" She wasn't surprised to hear Iron Bull's voice._**

 ** _"_** ** _Nightmares." She answered shortly. "Don't mind me. I don't want to keep you from your watch."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I was just about to take a circuit around. Come with me?" He had slung his arm around her shoulders before she had even had the chance to respond. They walked in silence for a few minutes. "What was your nightmare about? Your capture?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Those nightmares are becoming less and less, actually." She answered. "No, this was one from my childhood."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Your childhood?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I was born the unwanted child of an upper servant in an arl's house, and a village girl. My father refused to have anything to do with me, and my mother wanted me even less. By the time I was three, I was a fledgling of the chantry. I was sent from chantry to chantry as I grew older. I was thirteen when the blight happened, living in the chantry in Redcliffe. Arl Eamon's son was a mage, his mother hid it. Brought in a mage who was to train him. Something went wrong. The boy, Connor, ended up being possessed. He released an army of undead on the castle and the village. For three weeks, we'd hide in the chantry at night, praying the doors would hold, keep the monsters out." CJ shivered unconsciously at the memory. "Then during the day, we'd open the door, gather and burn the dead, and try to rebuild the barricades that had been destroyed in the night. One day, one of the younger children dropped their toy outside. It wasn't discovered until it was almost nightfall. The child, Annie, she was three years old. That bear was the last thing she had of her mother, and she wouldn't be quiet without it. I was supposed to have been looking after them that day. It was my fault the toy had been left behind. So I slipped out before the doors were barred for the night. The bear was down by the lake. The sun hadn't completely gone yet, I thought I still had plenty of time."_**

 ** _She took a deep breath, realizing she had begun talking faster and faster._**

 ** _"_** ** _That night, the undead started walking earlier. A huge one climbed out of the lake right behind me. I'd never been so scared before in my life. I took off, running back towards the chantry, screaming. Luckily some men heard me, and were able to fight off the monster, but if I had hesitated even a second longer, it would have run me through by the lakeside." She shook her head. "I wasn't able to go by a lake unless it was broad daylight for years after that."_**

 ** _"_** ** _The corpses here brought back those old fears." Iron Bull said. "As they come stumbling out of the lake."_**

 ** _CJ nodded. "But I'm not a child any longer. I will not run from them like I did then."_**

 ** _"_** ** _At thirteen, with no weapons, of course you ran." Iron Bull scoffed. "You'd have been a fool not to."_**

 ** _She didn't answer._**

 ** _"_** ** _So you lived through the blight, huh?" He asked after another minute of silence. "How'd you survive that?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _A lot of luck." She exclaimed. "I actually met the Hero of Ferelden, when he and his group came and rescued Redcliffe from the undead, Leliana included. He was a Dalish elf. I'd never seen one before. But he was so kind. He did everything he could to help the villagers, even though he had no responsibility to them. I saw him fight. I'd climbed up to one of the upper windows the night he and the other grey warden and their group helped defend the village. He danced around his enemies, knives flashing in quick succession. In that moment, that's when I knew. I knew that I wanted to be like him. A protector of the weak. And I knew I wouldn't be able to do that if I stayed in the chantry. The next morning, I packed a bag, obtained some weapons, and headed out."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You went off on your own, in the middle of a blight, untrained, and yet you still survived?" Iron Bull exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Like I said, a lot of luck. I knew the basics of fighting, and got better as I got more experience."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You are very lucky. Or very brave and very stupid." She smiled, recalling when he last said those words to her, a month and a half before._**

 ** _"_** ** _At that age, it was definitely more stupidity than bravery." She answered. "I was an idiot to think I could get by on my own."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You made it, obviously."_**

 ** _"_** ** _By the skin on my teeth, sometimes."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Have you told Red you knew her? Before joining the inquisition, I mean?"_**

 ** _CJ shook her head. "No. It is not important."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You should tell her." Iron Bull said. They had finished one circuit around the campsite now, and Iron Bull stopped walking. CJ moved to step away from his hold, but he tightened his arm slightly. Just for a second, but CJ understood that meant he wanted her to stay where she was. "She hears so much bad shit a day, I think seeing someone she saved so long ago alive and well would do her some good."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll keep that in mind." She replied. "But I've disturbed you long enough. Thank you for listening, Bull." She stepped away from him. "I'm going to try to get more sleep. Night Bull."_**

 ** _CJ was surprised when her arm was caught, and he turned her around gently. "You didn't disturb me, fighter." He bent his head down and placed a kiss on her forehead, pressing his lips there for six heartbeats. At least six of CJ's heartbeats. She counted as they pounded loudly in her ears. He pulled back. Conflicted, but feeling very bold for a very short time, CJ raised up on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on Iron Bull's cheek._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sleep well, fighter." He said as she fled._**

 _ **Sleep did not come quick for CJ after that. She laid awake for quite some time, the feeling of his lips on her forehead still lingering when sleep finally did come.**_


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 17

 ** _The rift below the lake was sealed. No more undead would walk around. Crestwood could be at peace. The mayor had fled, having been the one to flood the town. Cullen sent soldiers after him. When he was found, he would be brought to Skyhold to await Talon's judgement. Warden Stroud was met, and told them of Corypheus's trick. Putting the calling into all the wardens' heads. CJ looked at Blackwall during that. Had he been hearing the calling the whole time, and refusing to follow it?_**

 ** _Talon split the group up, sending most of them east, with Hawke and Stroud. She, Cole, Dorian, and Talon remained with Bull and his chargers._**

 ** _"_** ** _We're going to Storm Coast first before following them." Talon said, as the smaller group crowded around him. "Iron Bull's informed me of a chance to make an alliance with the Qunari. I accepted."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's a big step." Iron Bull said, as they began the march to Storm Coast. It would only take about a week, if they kept a good pace. "The Qunari have never tried to make a formal alliance before. It will further the relationships between our lands greatly, if it all goes well."_**

 ** _"_** ** _If?" CJ questioned._**

 ** _Iron Bull shrugged. "I've come to realize, with you and Boss around, if something can go wrong, it usually will." CJ pulled a face at him, knowing he was referring to the partial tunnel collapse beneath the lake._**

 ** _"_** ** _That was hardly my fault." She exclaimed. "The demon shouldn't have fallen into the support beam!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You threw a hunk of rock at it with all of your strength. Of course it was going to fall!" "It worked out in the end, didn't it?" She retorted hotly. "They didn't survive, did they?!"_**

 ** _Iron Bull laughed._**

 ** _"_** ** _She's got you there, Chief." Krem said. "Tonight, when we set up camp, fighter, care to play a game of chess?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Have you got a set?" CJ asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise._**

 ** _Krem nodded. "Bought it off a fellow in Crestwood. Thought it would come in handy."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'd love to play, Krem." She agreed eagerly. She loved playing chess._**

 ** _That night, CJ and Krem set up a game. She beat him quickly._**

 ** _"_** ** _You were trying to take it easy on me." She exclaimed, frowning at Krem. "Don't."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Apologies, my fair lady," Krem grinned at her. "Shall we play again?"_**

 ** _Very soon, the games began being played for stakes. The entire group was involved. Every night after the camp was set up, the board would come out and the next game would be played._**

 ** _CJ, Cole (though that surprised no one), and Iron Bull (which surprised everyone) became the top players. It was fun, those games. It kept their nights light, and happy. When their days were filled with fighting and marching. They could always look forward to the games at night._**

 ** _They met the qunari liaison at Storm Coast. He kept calling Iron Bull Hissrad. Talking about the old days. CJ could see that it made Bull uncomfortable. He didn't like being called Hissrad. To be reminded of the life he had left behind. As if somehow what he was doing now was less than what he had done before. As if he had fallen, and this alliance was his way back up. In annoyance, she had finally snapped at the elven qunari._**

 ** _"_** ** _Stop calling him that!" She exclaimed. "His name is Iron Bull!" Her face flared red as everyone stared at her. The elf merely nodded, inspecting her face closely._**

 ** _"_** ** _I meant no offense." He said, but his face held a smirk. CJ wanted to punch that smirk right off his lips. She turned away to prevent herself from following through with the desire._**

 ** _They split up, Bull sending his chargers to the farther marker, where there would be less defense. They fought to the marker, sending it up, signaling the dreadnought. It came, but so did more Venatori mages. They were advancing on the chargers. If they didn't fall back soon, they'd be overwhelmed. CJ looked between Iron Bull and Talon, forcing herself to stop from ripping the horn away and blowing the signal herself. If Talon chose the alliance over the chargers, CJ would run. Maybe she'd be able to reach them in time to help. She recalled the question she had asked Iron Bull in anger so long ago. Had she tempted fate?_**

 ** _She could read the distress on Iron Bull's face as he waited for Talon's decision. He would follow whatever order Talon gave. Like a good soldier. Just as Bull's chargers would do for him. They knew what they were risking. They were willing to pay the cost. But that cost would destroy Iron Bull._**

 _ **Horn blowing, relief coursing through CJ. The chargers were pulling back. They would be safe. But the alliance with the qunari was broken. The dreadnought destroyed. Iron Bull was now Tal-Vashoth. A traitor to the qun.**_


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 18

 ** _"_** ** _You would have let them die." Cole's voice sounded out on the otherwise silent march. CJ, Cole, and Iron Bull had been picked to be a scouting group for the day. They were currently maybe a mile west of the main group, having followed signs of a venatori group to an abandoned camp. "It would have destroyed you. You would have mourned and regretted their loss. Blaming yourself for their deaths, but you wouldn't have disobeyed the inquisitor's order."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm a soldier, kid. So are my men. And soldiers follow orders, no matter what the cost." Iron Bull answered evenly._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're not a good soldier, CJ. You would have disobeyed." Cole looked at her. "You were praying that Talon would call the retreat, but if he hadn't you would have ran. Ran to the Chargers. Right into the thick of the venatori." He said. "You were already planning it, in the back of your mind. You knew you wouldn't be able to save them all, but even if one survived, he wouldn't hurt as much. You would have done anything to help him not hurt."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're right, Cole." She answered simply. "I'm not a good soldier."_**

 ** _"_** ** _The sun glints off her weapons as she twists around expertly. Her face pulled into a tight mask of concentration. Hair has escaped its' binding. Getting in her face. She barely hesitates as she swipes an arm across her forehead, leaving a streak of blood. Brings back memories of another time her face was streaked with blood. But then her face was pale, not red with exertion as it was here, but pale as death. She's not moving. Why isn't she moving? Don't let her be dead. Please, don't let her be dead! Chest tight. Heart hurts. But she's alive. Fighting. Laughing. So beautiful."_**

 ** _Iron Bull let out a strangled cough. "Cole, enough."_**

 ** _"_** ** _So strong. He bent that templar's armor with one blow. So strong, but gentle when he helps me up after a sparring match. Never expected to feel this way. Safe. I never thought I'd feel safe in someone's arms. But when he stands by me, I feel like I can do anything. I would do anything for him. I know he wants more. But I'm afraid. What if I can't do what he wants me to do? I don't deserve him. Let this just be friendship. That is enough. He deserves better than me."_**

 ** _Silence rang clear. CJ was mortified. What did she do now? Did she laugh it off? Or did she pretend it had never been said?_**

 ** _Krem running up to them prevented CJ from having to make a decision. A bird had arrived from Varric. The situation was worse than originally thought. They needed someone to get to Skyhold. To alert Cullen and the rest of what was going on. They needed to march on Adamant as soon as possible._**

 ** _CJ and Dorian were selected as the messengers to return to Skyhold. They left quickly, knowing it was a matter of utmost importance. They rode hard, completing the trip in a little over a week._**

 _ **Cullen immediately began preparing the troops. Two days later, they were marching towards Adamant.**_


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 19

 ** _On the ride to Skyhold, CJ had done a lot of thinking. Thinking about how she felt about Iron Bull, and how she would act towards him when she saw him again. She hadn't had a chance to talk to him after Cole's last bomb-shell. The way she had seen it, she would have two options. Pretend Cole never said anything, and continue their friendship, or admit that she was afraid of how he made her feel, admit how she felt like she didn't deserve him, but tell him that she loved him and wanted to be with him if he would have her anyways._**

 ** _That had been a startling realization for CJ. Love. She loved him. Sometime in the past year (or pretty close to), the respect and admiration she had had for Iron Bull had deepened. She, the woman who hadn't believed in love (at least not in a romantic sense) since she was a child, fell in love with Iron Bull._**

 _ **On the march to Adamant, CJ kept touching the cords around her neck. Whatever happened, she was not going to hide anymore.**_


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 20

 ** _Adamant. The grey warden fortress that had stood against many siege attempts over the centuries. Old walls broke beneath the Inquisition's might. CJ did her best to persuade the warrior wardens to stand back. To not die a pointless death. The mages were under Corypheus' control. They could not be saved. Some warriors listened. Falling back to safety or joining ranks with the Inquisition soldiers to fight against the demons. Others did not, and they were cut down alongside their brain-washed comrades._**

 ** _CJ wasn't in Talon's group as he surged through the fortress, much to her chagrin. Cullen had needed her up on the walls, so that was where she was. Meaning she was too far away to help as Corypheus' pet dragon came swooping down._**

 ** _Men around her let out frightened yells, guards dropping as fear swept through them. She forced them to rally, to stand firm._**

 ** _An explosion sounded out. Green light filled the air. Screams of pain and terror, and then the dragon was gone. CJ was running towards the collapsed area, just knowing that Talon had somehow been involved. What she learned when she got there made her blood run cold._**

 ** _They'd fallen through a rift. Talon, Dorian, Blackwall, Stroud, Hawke, and Iron Bull. She couldn't follow them. They were gone. She's lost them. They were dead, and now CJ would never be able to tell Iron Bull how she felt. They were dead._**

 ** _That had almost driven her to her knees, sadness and guilt raging inside her. But the battle was not yet won. There was still fights going on all over. CJ forced herself to focus on them. She could fall apart after the battles were done._**

 ** _Finally, the Inquisition managed to round up all the remaining Grey Wardens. Cullen had them brought to the main hall, where a rift was still half-open. CJ stared at the bright green tear. It was still there, connecting the fade and the real world. Talon and everyone else still had a chance at making it out!_**

 ** _Like CJ, Cullen believed that Talon would still return. So he had the wardens placed under guard in the main hall, intending on having them remain there until Talon returned._**

 ** _CJ helped with the efforts to begin cleaning the fortress, but she never remained away from the rift long. Keeping a vigil on it, waiting for her men to come back through, so she could kill them._**

 ** _Two weeks. Two weeks passed with no change. The rift neither opened nor closed, it just stayed in the same state it had been in on the day of the battle. As each day passed, more and more people began to lose hope that their Inquisitor would make it back. As more people lost hope, CJ just got more determined. And more ornery. When she snapped at a recruit for blocking her view of the rift, Cullen forced her away._**

 ** _"_** ** _Go to the river." He ordered her. "Help bring up buckets of water for the wounded."_**

 ** _She opened her mouth to protest._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do it, or I will have you chained to a horse and brought back to Skyhold!" He exclaimed. She gave him a very dark look, but reluctantly obeyed._**

 ** _She was on her sixth trip when a young mage came running up, gasping for air._**

 ** _"_** ** _They're back! They're back! Five came through the rift! They're back!"_**

 ** _Joy filled CJ before it was quickly over-ruled by fear. Five?! Six went through the rift two weeks ago! Who didn't come back?! The mage didn't know the answer. CJ dropped her buckets, her task forgotten as she bolted towards the fortress._**

 ** _She saw Dorian and Blackwall first, both of whom looked pale and exhausted. She gave them tight hugs but didn't stay any longer. They weren't talking anyways. Then she saw Stroud. And Talon. She tackled the elf to the ground in a tight hug. But where was Iron Bull?_**

 ** _"_** ** _You idiot!" She yelled at him. "How dare you get swallowed by a rift! Two weeks! Two damn weeks you've been gone! People thought you were dead!" She raged. "I've told you again and again, don't leave me behind! I can't protect you if I'm not there! And what do you go and do?! Chase after a fricken' archdemon and then fall into a bloody rift!" She hugged him tighter. "I thought I lost you! They said only five returned. Who didn't?" CJ climbed off of him and allowed him to stand. He didn't answer immediately, and she felt a cold nugget of dread wedge itself in her throat. "Talon, tell me! Who didn't make it back?!" There was pain on Talon's face, but he still didn't answer. The dread grew into a sense of broken understanding. But she needed to hear it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tell me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, he can't answer when you're shaking him like a rag doll!" CJ froze at his voice. He was alive. Iron Bull was alive. Relief and anger fought to be the dominant emotions. Anger won. She whipped around, Iron Bull was sitting on a low wall, a healer next to him, hand hovering over a cut on his face._**

 ** _"_** ** _You stupid foolish bastard!" She swept over to him. Instead of hugging him, like she had done to all the others, she balled her fist and slammed it across his face. He lurched to the side a bit, caught unprepared. "I thought you were dead!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I," Whatever he was going to say was cut off as CJ grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him, hard. She pulled back, glaring at him with tears in her eyes. "I thought you had up and died! And I never would have been able to tell you," Her voice cut off as she fought to keep control of her emotions. It was a battle she was very quickly losing. Iron Bull was staring at her, completely shocked. "Never be able to tell you that I," Her voice cut off again. She couldn't say the word. "Stupid idiot!" She snarled, ripping one of the cords from her neck and thrusting it into his chest. "I thought you were dead and I would never be able to give you this!" With that, she turned on her heel and bolted. She was going to cry, but she would be dead before she cried in front of an audience._**

 ** _Anger and grief and joy swirled around in CJ, wreaking havoc on her control. Slowly, very slowly, CJ managed to calm herself down. But with the calmness came an increasing sense of awareness. She had just made a complete and utter fool of herself in front of a good fifty people. And no doubt the story had soon spread outwards. Embarrassment swept through her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh Maker," She muttered. "What have I done?"_**

 ** _She knew she should stay. Face it with dignity and grace. But she didn't feel dignified. She felt like an idiot._**

 ** _Going to Cullen, she was able to weasel a delivery assignment out of him. She'd bring the latest reports to Skyhold. Less than twenty minutes after her outburst, CJ was riding out of Adamant, feeling very much like a coward, but unable to make herself turn around._**

 ** _By the time she got to Skyhold, CJ knew the moment that she walked into the courtyard that the story of her outburst had reached there before she did. Heads followed her as she walked up the stairs, pointedly ignoring all the stares._**

 ** _She went to Josephine first._**

 ** _"_** ** _Ah, CJ," The woman smiled at her. "How was your ride? Uneventful, I hope?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _A couple bandits thought they'd like my horse. I taught them otherwise." CJ handed her the reports. "Excuse me, I've got reports for Leliana as well." She fled before Josephine could question her._**

 ** _"_** ** _You always have the most interesting stories floating around about you, CJ." Leliana greeted her with a smile. CJ flushed as she handed over the reports._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh? What's the story now?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You punched Iron Bull before kissing him."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm surprised. Usually it would have been twisted by now."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh there are plenty that are." Leliana agreed. "But that was the simplest one. So you've finally admitted your feelings for the disgraced qunari?"_**

 ** _Anger flared in CJ before she could stop it. "He isn't disgraced." She retorted. "He put the lives of his men over the worth of an alliance. There wouldn't be nearly as much war if more commanders thought to do so."_**

 ** _She would have continued, but Leliana was laughing._**

 ** _"_** ** _At ease, CJ!" She exclaimed. "I just wanted to know how deep your feelings were. Now I know."_**

 ** _CJ flushed a deeper red. "If you don't need me for anything, I'm going to find Tommy." She exclaimed._**

 ** _The child was delighted to see her, clumsily walking towards her on the leg Blackwall had helped her make._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hello Tommy," She knelt to the ground to embrace the child as he reached her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama," The child whispered into her shirt. "Welcome home, Mama."_**

 ** _CJ stiffened. In the five months since the attack on Haven, Tommy hadn't spoken a word, unless it was cries in a nightmare. Mama. He called her Mama._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm home." She whispered into his hair._**

 ** _As the days passed, CJ split her time between Tommy, and helping Josephine with preparations for the group attending the winter palace._**

 ** _"_** ** _What colors should our uniforms be?" Josephine asked one night. CJ looked up from the document she was reading in confusion._**

 ** _"_** ** _Uniforms?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Of course!" Josephine replied. "We want to look dignified yet approachable. Something that will go well with everyone's complexion._**

 ** _CJ was at a loss. Her picking of clothes usually went more along the lines of 'if it's not too tight, I'm wearing it'. "I'm sorry, Josephine, but I'm probably not the one you want to ask for fashion advice. Vivienne would be much better."_**

 ** _"_** ** _They should be arriving in the next couple days." Josephine mused. "I will ask her then."_**

 ** _CJ started in alarm. "A couple days?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Is that a problem?" Josephine raised an eyebrow as CJ's face turned red._**

 ** _"_** ** _No." She said, her voice somewhat strangled. "No problem."_**

 ** _Josephine smiled at her. "Are you nervous about how Iron Bull is going to react? After you kissed him and ran away?"_**

 _ **"**_ _ **No!" But they both knew that was a lie. Of course she was nervous.**_


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 21

 ** _"_** ** _It's not very fair, you getting mad at me when I disappear, but then you go and disappear." Talon's voice caused CJ to pause in the middle of her sentence. She was sitting in the garden, her back against a tree, Tommy sitting next to her, playing with some sticks._**

 ** _"_** ** _Talon!" She exclaimed. "I didn't know you were arriving today!"_**

 ** _If she had known, she honestly probably would have locked herself in her room._**

 ** _"_** ** _And I didn't disappear. Cullen had an assignment for me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You forced Cullen to give you an assignment, you mean." Talon grinned as CJ flushed._**

 ** _"_** ** _I did not force him." She retorted. "I didn't hold him at knife-point."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No, you threatened to tell Sera where he kept his store of sweets." Talon laughed. "That's blackmail."_**

 ** _"_** ** _More like extortion." She answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Why do it?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'd just made a complete and utter fool out of myself, Talon. I lost control. And so I ran."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why?" He crouched down in front of her. "What does it matter if people see you scared? It makes you more human. People have you set on a pretty high pedestal, CJ. Right up next to me, except you're not marked. The things you do, the people you've saved, the things you've survived, you haven't done it just because you were blessed by Andraste. They see you standing up to the monsters, some of the most terrible creatures they've ever seen, and you_** ** _win_** ** _. That makes them start to believe they can do it to. It gives them hope."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Which is why I can't lose control!" She exclaimed, fighting to keep the sharpness from her tone. "They need someone they can rely on. Someone to stay strong in the face of despair. I shouldn't have acted like that."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What," Talon laughed. "Let them see that you care? That you care so much that you tackled their Inquisitor when you saw him? That you love so deeply, you didn't care who was watching? Why not?" He laughed again. "It makes you approachable. It makes us approachable. After you left, I had at least ten other soldiers approach me and shake my hand. Or clap me on the back. One even hugged me. We fight for them, CJ. We will die for them if necessary. They shouldn't be afraid to talk to us, think we are so much higher than them. So much more important than them. Because we're not."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Sera would be pleased to hear you say that." CJ muttered, but Talon would not be dissuaded._**

 ** _"_** ** _And Iron Bull? For the first time people saw him speechless. Shocked. Showing real emotion instead of the mask he hides behind. Sure, they know he's loyal to me. That he was going to sacrifice his chargers if I'd have asked him to. But with your actions, they saw that there was more to him than that. More than him just being big and strong and really terrifying if he wishes to be. There must be, otherwise you wouldn't love him as much as you do." CJ flushed. "You, who carried a terrified child through a journey he otherwise wouldn't have survived. Who gave a starving family the last of her food, who willingly took the time to teach those who wanted to learn how to read. How to write. You, someone who is so good, if you love him, he must have good in him too. He must be something special, to be worthy of you."_**

 ** _CJ opened her mouth to protest. To tell him that he had it wrong. She wasn't worthy of Iron Bull. He deserved much better than her. Talon cut her off._**

 ** _"_** ** _I know, you're going to say how you don't deserve him. How he's too good for you. How he can do so much better." She blinked, surprised. "Cole was lonely without you." He said simply. "He talked to me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama, hungry." Tommy spoke up, and Talon raised an eyebrow in surprise._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Only he gets to call me that." She exclaimed and Talon laughed. "Care to join us for some lunch in the kitchen?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _So you can try and avoid Iron Bull?" He teased. CJ flushed. "You don't have to worry about him yet. He and the Chargers were detoured. They are a couple days behind us. You've still got time."_**

 ** _CJ shot him a dirty look. "Why am I friends with you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm the Inquisitor!" Talon grinned at her. "Who wouldn't want to be my friend?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Inquisitalon!" Tommy chirped and CJ laughed at Talon's shocked look. "You're Inquisitalon!"_**

 _ **"**_ _ **I can't believe you taught him that!"**_


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 22

 ** _CJ woke up with a start. Her heart was racing. Why had she woken up? What had changed in her room? The fire had gone out, leaving only the occasional flash of lightning to provide light. She laid still, pretending to still be asleep, trying to determine what was different. Slowly, her hand was moving to grasp the knife she kept beneath her pillow. There! A noise in the corner, a scratch upon the stone. Her hand found the dagger, and she was up in an instant, spinning to throw it with deadly accuracy._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, it's me!" An instant before the dagger left her hand, she stopped the motion._**

 ** _"_** ** _Bull?!" She squinted through the darkness, now able to make out a huge shape. "I could have killed you! What the hell are you doing here? I thought the Chargers were still two days' march away!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _They are. I came ahead." He crouched down to relight the fire. Soon, the room was bathed in the orange flickering light of the flames. He was soaking wet, dripping water from his horns and armor._**

 ** _"_** ** _You need to get dry before you get sick!" She exclaimed, climbing out of bed to find him towels. He accepted them with a nod and started rubbing his armor dry. Hesitating only a moment, CJ picked up another towel and began helping. Once his armor was dry, she began on his arms, working her way up._**

 ** _Only when she reached his horns did she realize the position she had put herself in. Her arms were up, she had needed to raise them to reach all the way. She was standing face to face with him, practically chest to chest, his eye watching her intently. CJ froze. What should she do? Should she step away? Laugh and try to make a joke? Kiss him? That thought was fleeting. Instead she remained frozen, her arms raised, towel still in her hands which were stilled in mid-motion._**

 ** _"_** ** _The necklace." His voice was low, but soft. "Do you understand what it is supposed to represent?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You've said before, qunari don't fall in love. They don't get married. Don't have partners, usually. But there's a symbol they give, sometimes, to someone they really care about. A dragon's tooth, split in half. Each person gets a half, that way no matter how far apart they are separated by distance, they are always together." She answered. He moved, hands pulling hers away, and pulled something out from a pocket. The necklace she had shoved at him in Adamant. He put it back in her hands._**

 ** _Rejection shot through CJ. He didn't want it. He didn't want her. She had been wrong. She opened her mouth, trying to speak around the pain._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm pretty good at reading people." Iron Bull was speaking, standing now, pacing. "Always have been. My tama always said it would either be the making or breaking of me. It's what made me such a good Ben-Hassrath. I can figure people out, and then they can't surprise me. But you, fighter, you've been surprising me since day one. When I first saw you, standing at the back of the group, I thought you were just a tag-along. Now I realize you hung back because you knew of me. Didn't know if I could be trusted. Then when you took me down in Haven, I had to re-evaluate. Not just a tag-along. A good fighter. Gaining respect within the inquisition. You moved between the groups easily, you could talk to Cullen and Seeker, Sera, and Solas with the same ease, having meaningful conversations with all of them. You actually cared about what they were saying." He shook his head. "And you looked amazing in a fight. Seriously, you should see yourself, especially when your helmet gets knocked off and your hair is everywhere? I took a sword to the side in one fight because I was distracted." He shook his head again. "But I'm getting side-tracked. Every time I think I've got you figured out, you throw a new twist at me. You were attracted to me before Haven fell, but you never tried anything. Never approached me as anything but a friend. That was unusual. I'm not used to that."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What, no one's ever resisted your charm before?" CJ was confused. And hurt. And tired. And really fricken' confused! Was he rejecting her or not?! And that was coming out as cutting sarcasm. "Oh the horror!" He laughed._**

 ** _"_** ** _You almost let a dragon eat you to save 'my' men." He stopped pacing and was watching her now. "You've been dealt a pretty shitty hand for your lot at life. But yet, you still shine. You still see the good in the world. Do your best to be part of it."_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's because I have seen a lot of shit." She answered. "More than enough to last me. Now, I want to see the good in the world. I want to make it good. There'll still be shit, sure, but more good in there as well." CJ didn't understand what he was getting at._**

 ** _"_** ** _So what I can't figure out is why you would offer me that!" He indicated to the necklace in her hands. "I'm a Tal-Vashoth. A disgrace! A-a," He trailed off._**

 ** _And then CJ understood. He wasn't rejecting her. He didn't think he deserved her. She couldn't stop the laugh that escaped her._**

 ** _"_** ** _What's so funny?" He exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're not rejecting me." She said between laughs. "You're trying to convince me to reject you!"_**

 ** _He just frowned at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _When have I ever done something that I wasn't fully prepared to stand behind? Apparently you've been watching me for a year now. Tell me, when have I ever made a decision that I didn't mean?" She demanded. She stepped forward now, holding out the necklace. "Now, if you don't want this, then tell me. But if you don't think you deserve this, deserve my feelings for you, let me tell you something, The Iron Bull, you're an idiot."_**

 ** _The words hung in the air between them, as did the necklace. As the time grew longer, CJ began to feel more and more uncertain. He stepped forward, not stopping when he ran into her hand. He just kept coming forward, CJ's head tipping up, trying to keep eye contact. He was right next to her, the only thing separating their bodies was her hand, still holding the necklace._**

 ** _"_** ** _I will never hurt you without your permission. You will always be safe. If you're ever uncomfortable, if you ever want me to stop, you say 'Katoh', and it's over. No questions asked. You don't need to be afraid, unless you want to be." His breath ghosted across her face._**

 ** _"_** ** _I," Her voice hitched as memories swirled. "I want to try. I trust you, Bull." She said. "I," She couldn't make herself say the word that was on her tongue._**

 ** _It didn't matter. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against hers in a gentle kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, the necklace still hanging from her hand._**

 ** _Iron Bull walked her backwards, not breaking the embrace even as he lowered her onto her bed._**

 ** _"_** ** _You are safe, Kadan." Iron Bull whispered as he took the necklace from her, pulling it on. CJ watched as he stripped off his armor, feeling both excitement and fear swirling in her stomach. But she trusted him. He would not hurt her. He was now naked except the necklace and his eye patch. CJ couldn't stop her eyes from sweeping his body. Oh maker, he was gorgeous. A wave of self-consciousness swept through her. "You are safe." He repeated. "We will take it slow. I know that you have bad memories. Had you-,"_**

 ** _She shook her head, knowing what he was asking. He sat on the end of her bed. "Before they took us, I was untouched."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Have you," She shook her head again._**

 ** _"_** ** _No."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Come here." He took her hand, pulling her to him gently. "I want you to study me. Poke, prod, touch, lick," He grinned at her. "Anything you'd like. I am yours."_**

 ** _Being this close, she could smell him. All of him. The rain, sweat, and something . . . . . else. She glanced down at his lap. No wonder he was so confident! Curiosity surged through her, but she wasn't brave enough to touch that just yet. Instead, she turned her attention to the numerous scars covering his torso._**

 ** _"_** ** _How many of these were gotten when protecting someone else from harm?" She questioned._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't know." He answered. CJ felt him shiver as she traced one near his nipple. She quirked an eyebrow at that. Lightening her touch, she traced the scar again. The shiver was more pronounced. She moved on. A thick one on the left side of his ribs caught her attention. She inspected it, fingers following its length._**

 ** _"_** ** _This one almost killed you, didn't it?" She looked up at him._**

 ** _He nodded. "Got that soon after I lost my eye. Maybe half an inch deeper, and it would have ended me. I learned after that."_**

 ** _More scars, some faded barely able to be seen. Others deep, raised above the surrounding skin. Deep ones. CJ traced each of them, and Iron Bull let her. On his back, old faded ones, like whip marks._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've been tortured too." Her voice was soft._**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't know what I'd give that you weren't able to say that." He exclaimed. Not thinking, CJ pressed a kiss against the old scars._**

 ** _"_** ** _We survived." She felt how tense he was underneath her hands. On a whim, she started to massage his shoulders. "That's what's important, isn't it?" She found a knot and began working on it._**

 ** _"_** ** _This was supposed to be for you." Iron Bull murmured. "To help you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _This is helping me." She retorted. "You've got more knots. Lay down. I'll get rid of them."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't get used to this, giving orders in here." He exclaimed, but did as she ordered. He laid on his stomach, arms crossed under his head so his face wasn't pressed into her mattress. Methodically, CJ massaged his back, stubbornly working out every knot she found._**

 ** _"_** ** _That feels really good." Iron Bull muttered as she was working on his lower back. "If you want to go lower, I'm not going to stop you." CJ flushed. "Unless you're chicken."_**

 ** _She scowled at him, even though he couldn't see it. It was a challenge, she knew that. A stupid, petty one, to be sure. But it was a challenge none-the-less. And CJ had never backed down from a challenge. Once she finished his lower back, she skimmed her hands lightly over his buttocks, making him jump in surprise. She then started massaging his upper thighs._**

 ** _"_** ** _Your butt is one of the nicer I've seen." She commented as the thought crossed her mind._**

 ** _He laughed. "Just one of the nicer? Not the best?" He asked. "Who's better than me?"_**

 ** _She was quiet for a moment, as if she had to think about it. "Solas."_**

 ** _Iron Bull pushed himself up, so he could look at her in shock._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?!" He exclaimed. "You're telling me that that . . . . . string bean of an elf has a better butt than me?! When did you even see his butt?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You remember when we came across that hot springs in the Western Approach?" She questioned. He nodded slowly. "And it was decided everyone would take a wash, women first, and then men?" He nodded again. "Sera came up with the idea of spying on you guys when we were done."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And you went with it?"_**

 ** _CJ grinned. "I was Sera's look-out to make sure Cassandra or Vivienne didn't catch her. I only saw Solas' butt because Sera stole his clothes since he was the last one. He chased after her, not realizing someone else was there."_**

 ** _He laughed. "I would have given five royals to see that!" But then he sobered. "Is his butt really better than mine?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Is that a hint of insecurity I detect in your tone, The Iron Bull?" She continued massaging his legs._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're not answering the question, Kadan."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No. His butt is not better than yours." She had reached his feet now. Scars even there. As she massaged his left foot, he began to squirm._**

 ** _"_** ** _Are you ticklish, Iron Bull?" She questioned, honestly surprised._**

 ** _"_** ** _No." But the answer came too quick._**

 ** _"_** ** _You are lying." Unable to resist, she began tickling his feet. She was not expecting him to sit up suddenly, grab her arm, and then pin her to the bed._**

 ** _"_** ** _And you, Kadan, are teasing." He exclaimed, pressing his body against hers. Even through her clothes, she could feel his hardness. He kissed her deeply before pulling back slightly._**

 ** _"_** ** _C-," He froze as the syllable stopped on her tongue. CJ swallowed hard, gathering her courage. "Can I touch you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't have to ask, Kadan." He kissed her again. "I've already told you, anything you'd like." He rolled off of her, onto his back, and CJ couldn't help staring at his now very erect member._**

 ** _Memories of different bodies, harder, painful. Holding and forcing and hurting. Demands and orders and pain if CJ didn't obey. Always pain. Because she refused to obey. Never gave in. Never touched them like they wanted._**

 ** _But this was Iron Bull. A better man than those monsters could ever hope to be. A man whom she loved very deeply. Him, she could, would touch._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, you don't-," Whatever Bull was going to say cut off as very gently, CJ's hand encircled him. A groan issued low in his throat, and CJ was frozen. What did she do? Was she holding too tightly? Should she move her hand? Should she let go?! His skin here felt different than elsewhere on his body. Rough and smooth all at the same time._**

 ** _"_** ** _What's wrong?" Iron Bull's voice sounded strained._**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't know what to do." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _For starters, tighten your grip. Not like you're clinging to a rope for dear life, but like you're about to enter a sparring match." CJ did as he instructed. "Now move your hand, up and down. Slowly at first, if you want." Placing his hand over CJ's, he showed her what he liked. What he wanted._**

 ** _And CJ was nothing if not a quick student._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, I'm gonna-," He didn't finish his sentence, just groaned. CJ felt him pulse in her hand and he came. Unable to do anything but watch, her hand was quickly coated with his seed._**

 ** _She must have had a weird look on her face because he began laughing._**

 ** _"_** ** _You get used to how it feels, fighter." He grabbed one of the discarded towels and cleaned them up. CJ was going to say something, but it was interrupted by a huge yawn. "Come here." He pulled CJ to him, situating her against his side before pulling a blanket over them both. "Sleep, fighter. You'll need your rest."_**

 ** _CJ shifted, resting her head on his chest. "Night Bull."_**

 _ **"**_ _ **Good night, Kadan."**_


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 23

 ** _When CJ woke up, she was alone. Had she dreamt the entire thing? She sat up slowly, trying to think. Surely Iron Bull hadn't been able to slip out without her waking, had he? A piece of paper caught her attention._**

 **Kadan, I have to get back to the chargers. When I get back, it's my turn to explore you.**

 ** _So it hadn't been a dream. A smile came to CJ's face. He had accepted her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama!" Tommy burst into her room, his false leg clicking on the floor with each step. "Mama! Breakfast!" She climbed out of bed and scooped the child up._**

 ** _"_** ** _Good morning, Tommy. Let's get dressed for breakfast, shall we?"_**

 ** _Once they were dressed, CJ carried the boy down towards the kitchens._**

 ** _"_** ** _Words in the night. Acceptance where you thought would be rejection." Cole's voice caught her attention. She grinned at the young man._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hello, Cole." She said. "Tommy and I are going to get breakfast. Would you like to join us?"_**

 ** _He nodded._**

 ** _"_** ** _Cole carry!" Tommy demanded, holding his hands out to the young man. CJ blinked in surprise._**

 ** _"_** ** _He doesn't fear me." Cole said, taking the child. "All the other children do, but he doesn't. Because he sees that you love me. He trusts me because you do." Tommy reached up to pull at Cole's hat. "I don't understand."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's friendship, Cole." CJ said simply, slinging an arm around Cole's shoulders. "Confusing, frustrating, often infuriating, but you would do anything to keep it."_**

 ** _They ate breakfast, Tommy sitting on Cole's lap. They attracted a lot of strange looks._**

 ** _"_** ** _I have to go." Cole said, abruptly, once he was done._**

 ** _"_** ** _See you later, Cole." CJ waved. Tommy copied her._**

 ** _"_** ** _What do you want to do today, Tommy?" She questioned, looking at the boy._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tour!" Tommy exclaimed, bouncing excitedly._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right." CJ agreed, laughing. "Touring it is!"_**

 ** _They started with the walls, CJ holding Tommy's hand as they walked along the top of the wall. They stopped by Cullen's office, CJ wanting to apologize for her actions towards him in Adamant._**

 ** _Cullen waved off her apologies. "We all do foolish things in love, don't we?"_**

 ** _Her face turned red. "Did everyone know before I did?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Not everyone." Cullen smiled at her. "The Iron Bull was pretty clueless until you kissed him, I'd wager."_**

 ** _CJ shook her head. "See you later, Commander."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Later, indeed." She led Tommy down into the courtyard, heading towards the stables. They had just reached archway when Solas and Cole came rushing across the grounds. Talon came wandering up as well._**

 ** _"_** ** _He won't bind me, He's a mage, and he likes demons, but he won't help!" CJ watched in silence. More than anything, she wanted to comfort Cole, but she knew anything she said would have no effect._**

 ** _It was decided that Talon would have Leliana look for one of the amulets. It would keep Cole from being able to be bound by enemy mages. Cole looked at CJ after they were done arguing._**

 ** _"_** ** _If I turn demon. If I start hurting people, like what I did before, would you stop me?" He asked, his tone serious. "Would you kill me?"_**

 ** _That question tore at CJ's heart. "If that's what you wanted, then yes." She answered. He looked at her closely, inspecting her face._**

 ** _"_** ** _You would still love me. It would hurt you. Break your heart, tears coursing down your face as your knife slit my throat, but you'd still do it." His voice held confusion. "Why?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I am not so selfish that I would let someone I love live in agony if I knew they truly wanted to die. If there was no coming back for them." CJ let out a shaky breath. "But let's pray that that time never comes, shall we?" Cole nodded._**

 ** _"_** ** _Thank you." Then he hugged her. Surprised, CJ returned the embrace. She had hugged him before, but he had never initiated the contact._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama, tour!" Tommy was getting impatient._**

 ** _CJ laughed as Cole pulled back. "It seems I've been neglecting my duties as a tour guide. You can come along if you'd like, Cole."_**

 _ **"**_ _ **I think I will."**_


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 24

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter!" CJ looked up from the chunk of wood she was trying to carve. Sera and Talon were waving to her, peeking around a corner. Obviously they were up to something. Tommy was taking a nap, so she was currently free to be involved with any prank they had going on. And it was obvious they had one._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah?" She asked as she went over to them._**

 ** _"_** ** _We're going to prank our leaders. You in?" Sera grinned at her._**

 ** _CJ returned the grin. "Of course I'm in."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't even know what we're going to do." Talon exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Doesn't matter. I'm in."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Brilliant!"_**

 ** _They quickly made their way to Cullen's office. CJ was the lookout while Talon and Sera searched for something they could mess with. Sera put a block under the corner of Cullen's desk, making it just a little wobbly. It was going to drive him insane! Josephine was next, a bucket of cold water on top of the door, leaving Josephine and whoever she invited next to be soaked. Leliana was more difficult._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hey, who's up there?!" The three froze at the sound of a voice. Exchanging a look, Talon called out, "RUN!"_**

 ** _Laughing, CJ sprinted out from the tower, quickly winding her way down to the ground level. Talon and Sera had gone to the tavern, CJ made her way to Tommy's room, to see if he had awoken. He had not, but his face was twisted in fear. A nightmare._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shh, it's all right, little one." CJ whispered, sitting next to him and running a hand over his back._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama! Run!" He whimpered, and turned into CJ, clutching her shirt tightly in his hands. Knowing he wouldn't release her easily, CJ carefully shifted so she was laying down next to the boy, an arm draped over him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shh," She said. "Mama's here. She's right here."_**

 ** _As he drifted into a deep sleep, CJ fell asleep as well._**

 ** _When they awoke, CJ took the boy down to the stables. He always enjoyed spending time with Blackwall, hearing the stories the man had to tell. They spent the rest of the afternoon there, CJ managing to keep an innocent face when Josephine finally tracked her down._**

 ** _"_** ** _You!" She exclaimed. "You were the one to trap my door!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Josie, I don't know what you're talking about." CJ answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't even try, CJ!" Josephine retorted. "Your partners already gave you up! You rigged a bucket to drop on me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I never touched the bucket." CJ answered honestly, only to be met with a scowl._**

 ** _"_** ** _I will get even." Josephine exclaimed before stalking away. For a moment, CJ felt a flash of unease. Josephine really wasn't a person to be messed with. Blackwall was staring at the retreating figure with a look of longing in his eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _She's beautiful when she gets all worked up, isn't she?" CJ grinned as his eyes snapped to her. "You should tell her that."_**

 ** _He flushed dully. "You are not one to be giving relationship advice, fighter." He muttered. CJ laughed._**

 _ **"**_ _ **Yeah, you're probably right."**_


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 25

 ** _A scratch on stone. A sigh. CJ was awake, groping for her knife in an instant._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, it's just me." Bull._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've got to stop doing that, Bull." She exclaimed, rolling over to look at him. He was standing by her fire, taking off his armor. But he was having difficulties. CJ stood up and went to him, her fingers pushing his aside to work at the stubborn strap. "One of these times, I'm not going to be able to stop before I attack."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you try to attack Tommy when he comes running in?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _He's usually crying." She answered. "That wakes me up first, and I'm expecting him." She got the armor removed, and then set it down on a chair. "How are the Chargers?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Tired. And cranky. Krem managed to cause a rock slide this afternoon. The others were not pleased to be caught in it."_**

 ** _CJ laughed. "No, I bet they weren't."_**

 ** _Iron Bull drew her to him, kissing her deeply before hugging her. "I've missed you, Kadan."_**

 ** _CJ returned the embrace, resting her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "It's only been two days." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Two days of imaging what you look like. Feel like. Taste like." He retorted. "Two agonizing days."_**

 ** _CJ laughed. "You've already seen me in my small clothes." She exclaimed. "That hardly left much to the imagination."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I've got a very good imagination, Kadan." Iron Bull said, his voice low. "Let's see how close I was. It is my turn to explore you, remember?" He stepped away from her and sank down onto her bed. "You got to watch me strip. I want to watch you."_**

 ** _For a second, fear was dominant in CJ's mind, but it was very quickly overruled by excitement._**

 ** _Hesitating only a moment, CJ began to unbutton the night shirt she was wearing. Iron Bull's gaze never left her as she removed each article of clothing. When she was naked except her necklace, she stood there, feeling awkward. Iron Bull wasn't saying anything, just staring at her. She fought the urge to cover herself._**

 ** _"_** ** _Come here." He ordered. CJ came closer. "Keep coming." She was in between his legs now, practically chest to chest. "You are so beautiful." He whispered. "So beautiful." He cupped her face, kissing her deeply. As he continued to kiss her, his hands began to move lower. Ghosting over her shoulders, her back, they paused on her butt, squeezing it gently. CJ let out a gasp at that, allowing Iron Bull to deepen the kiss. Then his hands were on her breasts, rubbing, massaging them gently. CJ was unprepared for the heat to shoot through her at that._**

 ** _"_** ** _So beautiful." He placed kissed down her jaw and neck, paying attention to any spot that caused CJ to shiver. When his mouth encircled a nipple, CJ jumped as if she had been electrocuted. "Like that, do you?" He mumbled, continuing to suckle her as a hand played with her other breast. CJ could stop the moan that escaped her as he sucked harder, teeth scraping lightly, causing pain that was instantly soothed away with gentle licks._**

 ** _"_** ** _That feels really good." She exclaimed. He wrapped his arms around her, twisting effortlessly to drop her on her bed._**

 ** _"_** ** _I am going to taste every inch of you, you understand?" His voice was low as he looked down at her. CJ nodded, feeling desire course through her. She hadn't really believed him before when he said that she was beautiful, but the look on his face now, she didn't doubt him a bit._**

 ** _He rained kisses down her body, hands trailing and touching, massaging here, lightly pinching there, doing whatever he could to elicit a noise from CJ. As he reached the scars, she tensed, a wave of self-consciousness sweeping over her. She automatically tried covering them with her hands._**

 ** _"_** ** _Move your hands." His voice was low, husky as he gave the order._**

 ** _"_** ** _I," She began but didn't move her hands. Before she could react, Iron Bull had taken them in his and tied them to the top of her bed. She stared at him, for a moment feeling very exposed._**

 ** _"_** ** _I never want you to hide yourself from me." He exclaimed. "Never." CJ tested the bonds. It was firm, but not tight. She could still twist her hands, move them slightly. Not like in the past, when she had been bound so tightly that her wrists were rubbed raw. He was watching her carefully, analyzing her reaction, no doubt._**

 ** _"_** ** _Now what are you going to do?" She asked boldly, and was surprised when her voice came out low. Aroused._**

 ** _"_** ** _Now?" He quirked an eyebrow at her, and gave her a smirk. "Now I'm going to taste you." CJ didn't have much time to think before he had spread her legs, exposing her to him._**

 ** _"_** ** _You smell amazing." He muttered and then nipped her thigh. CJ let out a startled yelp, hips bucking from the bed. Before she could scold him, he had moved his head forward._**

 ** _Oh that man was talented with his tongue!_**

 ** _A pressure was building in CJ's lower stomach. "I'm gonna-," She tried fighting it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Come for me, Kadan." Iron Bull exclaimed. "I want you to come for me."_**

 ** _And she did._**

 ** _CJ had never felt anything like that before. It stole her breath and her sight. "That . . . . was amazing!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You haven't felt anything yet, Kadan." And he brought her to the brink of another orgasm._**

 ** _By the time Iron Bull finally collapsed onto the bed beside CJ, she didn't know how many times she had come. She'd lost count. Her lower body ached, muscles sore because they weren't used to that kind of action, but it was a good sore. Not the pain she had come to associate with sex._**

 ** _"_** ** _Was that as good for you as it was for me?" Iron Bull pulled CJ to him, and she curled up into his side._**

 ** _"_** ** _Better than I ever could have imagined." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _I never thought about it, but there is a difference." Iron Bull commented. CJ sleepily turned her head to look at him. He was staring at her ceiling, one arm behind his head, the other wrapped around CJ._**

 ** _"_** ** _Difference?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Between having sex and making love." He answered. "I've had a lot of sex. You know that. I've never hidden that about my personality. But I've never made love to someone before. Before you." CJ didn't know how to respond to that. "I like the difference." He tightened his arm slightly, hugging her to him. "Go to sleep, Kadan. You need your rest."_**

 ** _CJ placed a kiss on his chest. "So do you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Do that again, and neither of us will." Iron Bull said, his voice dropping low._**

 ** _"_** ** _Good night, Bull." She laughed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Night, Kadan."_**

 ** _CJ fell asleep quickly._**

"NO!" She hacked at the darkspawn in front of her. "Get back!" There were too many. Darkspawn and demons and red Templars. Inquisition soldiers were dropping faster than their enemies. "No!" Krem was cut down in front of her, blood quickly spreading from the axe wound on his head. Sera lay not far away, eyes wide but unseeing, an arrow sticking out of her throat. "DAMN IT!" She screamed, plunging her knife into the creature in front of her. But it didn't fall. That blow should have killed it! Why wasn't it dead?!

"Help!" That was Solas' voice. "Fighter, help! We're being overrun!" CJ whipped around, spotting Solas, Varric, and Cole standing back to back, trying to fend off the attackers. "Help us!" But she was too slow. They were slaughtered right in front of her while CJ was unable to do anything but watch helplessly.

"MAMA!"

CJ's blood ran cold. Tommy couldn't be here. There was no way he could be here! "MAMA!" She found him then, in Corypheus' grasp. The demon grinned at her, holding the terrified child high in the air. "MAMA!" The boy screamed.

"TOMMY!" CJ yelled. "TOMMY! I'M COMING!"

Corypheus sneered at her and pointed behind her. CJ couldn't help but look. The dragon was coming towards them, fast. In that instant, CJ realized what he was going to do.

"NO!" She screamed as he launched the boy into the air. "NO! TOMMY!"

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan, wake up!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama! Wake up!" CJ awoke with a yell, catching sight of the child perched on the side of her bed, his face wet with tears. Before she even thought about it, she had pulled Tommy to her, hugging him tightly, trying to assure herself that it was just a nightmare. Only a nightmare._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama's got you," She exclaimed, hugging and rocking the child. "Mama's got you." Her voice hitched as tears slipped down her cheeks. "You're safe. Mama's got you." She whispered. "You're safe." CJ was unprepared for strong arms to come around her, bundling her into Iron Bull's lap like she had done to Tommy._**

 ** _CJ didn't know how long they sat like that, before both she and Tommy were calmed down._**

 ** _"_** ** _Bad dream, Mama." Tommy whispered. "Had bad dream. Mama bad dream too?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama had a bad dream too." She answered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama?" His tone was questioning. "Why naked? And why Bullhead naked?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Bullhead?" Iron Bull repeated, his tone shocked._**

 ** _CJ couldn't help it. She began to laugh._**

 ** _"_** ** _What did you just call me, Kid?" Tommy twisted in CJ's arms so he could scowl up at Iron Bull._**

 ** _"_** ** _I not Kid. Cole Kid. I Little Man. You Bullhead. Why you in Mama's bed?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Bullhead? Who told you to call me Bullhead?!" Iron Bull spluttered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sera!" Tommy exclaimed. "Why you in Mama's bed?" He repeated. "Have bad dream?" CJ was too busy laughing to interrupt Tommy's interrogation. "You Mama's bed-buddy?" That stopped CJ's laughter as she choked on air. That phrase shouldn't be coming out of a four year old's mouth!_**

 ** _"_** ** _You learned that from Sera too, didn't you?" She exclaimed. Tommy nodded. "I'm going to have to have a word with Sera." She muttered._**

 ** _"_** ** _You and me both." Iron Bull cut in. "Bullhead?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Really, that's not the worst name she could have come up with." CJ laughed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh yeah, bed-buddy?" Her face flared red._**

 ** _"_** ** _We are not calling each other that." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Why not? It's got a nice ring to it!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fine. Bullhead."_**

 ** _He let out a disgruntled noise. "All right. I won't call us bed-buddies if you don't call me Bullhead. Do we have a deal?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Deal."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Deal!" Tommy exclaimed. Iron Bull and CJ laughed. "Sleep by Mama?" Tommy questioned, a yawn almost swallowing the last word._**

 ** _"_** ** _Of course you can sleep by me." CJ shifted off of Iron Bull's lap, intending on carrying Tommy to his bed. An arm around her waist stopped her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Where do you think you're going?" Iron Bull asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tommy wants to sleep by me?" She was confused. "I was going to his bed?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Or you both could stay right here." She blinked in surprise._**

 ** _"_** ** _You," She trailed off. "Are you sure?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes." He replied. "Now lay back down."_**

 ** _Tommy had no problem obeying. He nestled in the space between CJ and Iron Bull, falling asleep quickly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Thank you." CJ whispered, her eyes already closing._**

 ** _"_** ** _You are welcome, Kadan." He was silent for a while. CJ was almost asleep when he began talking. "I've never spent the night with someone before, just sleeping. Before you. Never just wanted to lay by them. Hold them. It's always been sex and then gone. Done. That's all the encounter was. It was good enough for me. And then you come along, and weaseled into my mind without even trying. And all of a sudden, just sex wasn't good enough anymore. I'd never understood why other beings were so focused on finding 'the one'. Falling in love. Having runts of their own. What was the big deal? But then a feisty little human wielding two knives pinned me to the ground and tied me up. I hadn't been tied up since I was a kid going through training. No one had been able to get the better of me like that. I wanted you then and there. Wanted to take you right in the dirt, but I didn't. From that moment on, you've always been in the back of my mind. I kept expecting you to approach me. Want to try riding the Bull for yourself. But you never did. Most people, when they are attracted to me, start looking at me like I'm an object. A tool to satisfy their desires. It's what I was trained to do, read people. Manipulate them into doing what I wanted. But not once did you ever look at me as if I were a tool. You saw me as me. And more than that, you saw me as a friend. A true friend. Equals."_**

 ** _He tightened his arm around CJ. She didn't react, knowing that he thought she was asleep._**

 _ **"**_ _ **And I began to understand what the big draw was. And I didn't want to keep having meaningless sex. I wanted to be with you. Only you. And that scared me. Scared the shit out of me, really. Because, now that I care about you so much, what if you didn't feel the same? When I was pulled into the fade, it made those fears worse. As bad as it was there, I kept picturing if you were there too. What if a demon possessed me, and I killed you?" His voice shook slightly. "Damn it." He took a deep breath. "But it doesn't matter. I made it back. We're here. For this moment, we are safe." CJ fell asleep after that, unable to stay awake any longer.**_


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 26

 ** _As the ball grew closer, Josephine and Vivienne began to grow more irritable. CJ learned very quickly that it was a very bad idea to be trapped by one, or both, when they were in a mood._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ, my dear," Vivienne's voice sounded out, and CJ glanced around, looking to see if she could hide somewhere. "I've already seen you, darling. If you try to run, I will freeze you." Sighing in defeat, CJ moved to meet the woman._**

 ** _"_** ** _Something I can help you with, Vivienne?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I have been told by a reliable source that you can play the flute. Is that correct?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes?" CJ was confused._**

 ** _"_** ** _Can you play a waltz?" CJ blinked. "Or a dance of six candles?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Not perfectly, but I can manage." She answered. "Why?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It was come to my attention that there are some in our party who don't know even the most basic of dance steps. I will not stand to be seen at the ball with someone so clumsy. So I am holding an optional dance lesson." CJ raised an eyebrow. She seriously doubted that the lesson was 'optional'._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're giving dance lessons? How does Talon feel about this?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _He was very excited at the prospect to learn." Vivienne answered shortly, and CJ hid a grin. In other words, Vivienne had browbeat him into it, no doubt. "Come along, dear. We have much to do."_**

 ** _CJ couldn't stop her grin now as she obediently followed Vivienne to the room that had no doubt been cleared for this exact reason. Already in the room was Talon, Solas, Sera, Cassandra, Varric, Iron Bull, Dorian, Krem, Blackwall, Cullen, Leliana, Josephine, and to CJ's surpise, Cole and Tommy. The boy grinned and waved at her before turning his attention back to a paper that was spread out before where he and Cole were sitting._**

 ** _"_** ** _So you found her, obviously." Varric exclaimed. "Too bad. Shoulda hid better, Fighter."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I was threatened if I tried to run." CJ said simply._**

 ** _"_** ** _Now that our music has arrived, we can begin." Vivienne clapped her hands sharply. "Form two lines. Men in one, women in the other."_**

 ** _CJ was very amused as everyone obeyed. Soon, Vivienne had arranged couples and were guiding them through the steps, using Iron Bull as her amused partner._**

 ** _"_** ** _On my count, CJ." Vivienne instructed. CJ nodded. And the couples were off, some (like Cullen and Leliana) spinning around the room with ease, both clearly already knew the steps. Others (like Varric and Cassandra) were at a standstill, Cassandra refusing to follow as Varric tried to haltingly lead. Krem and Sera, after a few steps of indecisiveness, began dancing with ease. Blackwall and Josephine weren't too far behind, Blackwall's movements stiff as he tried to maintain the respectable distance he had so painstakingly preserved between them. Because of the uneven numbers, Dorian and Talon had paired up, Talon haltingly trying to lead the taller man._**

 ** _This continued for upwards of two hours, as Vivienne rearranged the couples and went through different steps._**

 ** _"_** ** _How come Twiggy isn't dancing?" CJ blinked in surprise at the new nickname Sera gave her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Twiggy?" She exclaimed, startled._**

 ** _"_** ** _Your hair. Looks all twiggy when you wake up." Sera shrugged. "How come you don't have to dance?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's a very fair question, actually." Talon exclaimed, shooting a triumphant look at CJ. She stuck her tongue out at him. He was just annoyed because Dorian had grabbed his butt._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm the music." She retorted, holding up the flute as evidence._**

 ** _"_** ** _Darling, do you know how to dance?" CJ was startled by the question._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes." She answered immediately, which technically wasn't a lie, depending on how far you stretched the definition of 'dance'._**

 ** _"_** ** _You will join the next rotation. Krem, you will be her partner."_**

 ** _CJ very quickly discovered a problem with this arrangement. Apparently, she had a very difficult time allowing someone else to lead._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've got to stop trying to take control, Fighter!" Krem laughed as they once again ended up on the floor. "I'm supposed to be the one leading!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I can't help it!" CJ protested. She tried with Cullen next, only to run in to the same problem. "This just means I don't have to dance at the ball, right?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What happened to 'where ever you go, I go?'" Talon exclaimed, and she shot him a dirty look._**

 ** _"_** ** _Iron Bull, darling, you try."_**

 ** _CJ felt her face flush as Iron Bull grinned and stepped up to her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Got a thing about relinquishing control, huh?" He muttered._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shut up." Vivienne began counting off the steps, and instinctively, CJ tried to lead. But Iron Bull wouldn't let her. He just tightened his grip, pulling her closer to him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Follow me, Kadan." His voice was low, only she could hear it. "Move your body with mine, not fighting against it."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm trying." She forced out between gritted teeth, trying to keep the count straight in her head._**

 ** _"_** ** _No, you're not." He answered. "You're thinking too much. Trying to be in control of the situation. So you don't fail. But you don't have to worry about that with me." She looked up at him. "I will always be there, Kadan. If you stumble, I will catch you. If you fall, I will lift you back up. If you fail, and everyone fails at something sometimes, I will be there. I will be by your side for as long as you let me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Excellent!" Vivienne's voice cut through CJ's stunned silence. "See, CJ, you can dance!" CJ tore her gaze away from Iron Bull's to find that they were spinning around the room, Iron Bull leading expertly, and CJ following. They stopped, and Iron Bull released her after a moment. She stepped away from him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Just needed the right partner, is all." Talon grinned at her. She flushed. No one could have missed the double meaning in his words._**

 ** _"_** ** _Apparently so." She shot at him, refusing to feel embarrassed. "Good thing I found him, huh?"_**

 ** _Talon's grin widened._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama! Look!" Tommy rushed towards her, brandishing the paper he and Cole had been bent over. "Tommy's family! Cole helped draw!" CJ took the paper, the others gathering around to look in interest._**

 ** _The paper was filled with sketches, all of them very well done. Above or below each face was a name, as how Tommy considered each of them. Tommy's face was in the middle of the paper. On his left was a sketch of CJ's face. On the right, Iron Bull's. Beneath her face was the word Mama written in shaky letters. Beneath Bull's was Da. Cole, Sera, and the chargers were labeled as Tommy's siblings. Talon and Dorian were listed as uncles, with a double line connecting them. Josephine and Blackwall had a double line connecting them, each labeled as an aunt and uncle, respectively. The rest of the group was on the paper, lines crossing, intersecting; linking them all together._**

 ** _The room was silent as they stared at the paper. CJ didn't know what to say. She couldn't say anything, actually. She felt like she had a lump in her throat, her eyes focused on the word beneath Iron Bull's face. Da._**

 ** _The silence was broken as Varric let out a low whistle. "I'll tell you what, little one," He looked at Tommy. "You've got to be the luckiest kid in Thedas to have such a family. Your Ma and Da would move the entire world to make you happy." Eyes locked on to Iron Bull, to see how he would react. Tommy grinned in response. But the grin faltered as he realized neither CJ nor Iron Bull had spoken._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama?" CJ dropped to her knees and smiled at the boy._**

 ** _"_** ** _It is a very beautiful picture, Tommy." CJ managed to unstick her voice. "You and Cole did a very good job."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Da?" The hesitant question tore at CJ's heart. She couldn't bring herself to look at Iron Bull. She was too afraid of what she'd see. What would he do? Would he accept the boy's use of the word, essentially cementing himself into Tommy's life? Very publically revealing the relationship between himself and CJ? Tommy's face became more and more unsure as Iron Bull remained silent._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's a fine picture." Iron Bull knelt down to be more eye level with the child. He had his head bent low, his face angled away from everyone but Tommy. "A very fine picture." His voice sounded rough. More rough than it usually did._**

 ** _"_** ** _Da likes it?" The boy questioned._**

 ** _"_** ** _Da likes it very much." He pulled the child to him in a gentle hug. CJ felt tears sting her eyes. No. She would not cry, damn it. No matter how sweet this was, she would not cry! Instead, she turned a glare on the others still in the room. They fled, all exchanging knowing grins._**

 ** _"_** ** _You know that the chargers are going to start calling you Da now." She said softly a while later. They were leaning against the wall, Tommy had fallen asleep in Iron Bull's arms._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's fitting, isn't it?" He answered. CJ was looking at the picture again. "Do you think he was the one who picked up on the relationships between Dorian and the Inquisitor and Blackwall and Josephine? Or do you think Cole did that?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Probably a mixture of both." She answered. "Tommy can be very observant when he wants." She glanced at the sleeping child. "Cole's an amazing artist."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Who knew the kid could draw?"_**

 ** _CJ shook her head. "I sure as hell didn't." She couldn't stop the yawn that escaped her._**

 ** _"_** ** _You had another nightmare last night." It wasn't a question._**

 ** _"_** ** _I did." She didn't bother denying it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Why didn't you wake me?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You and Tommy were sleeping so peacefully." CJ smiled at the memory. She had awoken to find Tommy curled up on Iron Bull's stomach, one of Bull's large hands covering the boy's back. The sight had melted her heart. "I didn't have the heart to wake you."_**

 ** _He scowled at her. "I told you to wake me up when you have a nightmare."_**

 ** _She ignored the scowl. "And I chose not to."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why are you so stubborn, Kadan?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Born that way." She muttered, leaning in to him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sleep, Kadan." His voice lowered. "I'll watch over you."_**

 ** _She didn't have the desire to fight him._**

 ** _She knew that beyond the doors of Skyhold, the world was on the brink of destruction, but right now? Right at this moment? CJ was content to lean against Iron Bull, the man she had grown to love, and sleep. Just sleep._**


	27. Chapter 27

_Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse_

 _A/N: I'm sorry that this next chapter took so long to be posted. I caught up to where I am in the game a lot quicker than I thought I would. I haven't played this far in the game as much so I'm not as familiar with how the upcoming events go. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!  
_

Chapter 27

 ** _"_** ** _Hey, Twiggy!" CJ scowled at the nickname. She really didn't want to be called that._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes, Sera?" She looked at the bouncing elf, who seemed oddly proud of herself. "What'd you do?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Who says I did anything?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Your entire body language?" CJ retorted. "What'd you do? And am I about to be pulled in to it?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _SERA!" Josephine's voice sounded out and Sera's grin widened._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh, you didn't." CJ felt a sense of horror start to rise in her. "Please tell me you didn't mess with the ball outfits. Sera, please."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Want a lie or the truth?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're a dead woman walking." CJ shook her head. "There's no way you're going to be able to talk your way out of this. The ball is in three days! What in the world possessed you to mess with the outfits?!"_**

 ** _Sera blinked, startled. She hadn't expected CJ to scold her, CJ could see that in her eyes. "What?" Her tone became defensive._**

 ** _"_** ** _No, don't pull that crap with me. You're smart. I know you are." CJ frowned at her. "I know you know how important this is. You talk about wanting to make things better for the little people? The ones who work behind the scenes? How about helping end the civil war occurring in Orlais? Maybe make it so they aren't worried about being killed in the middle of the night just because they work in a certain house?"_**

 ** _Sera was staring at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _How about ending the war in Orlais so they can help us stop Corypheus?"_**

 ** _Sera stared at her, unspeaking. Josephine approached them now, her face tight with anger._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry." Jospehine's rant was cut off at Sera's apology._**

 ** _Both women stared at the elf, who honestly looked contrite._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry. For, you know, messing with the outfits." Sera muttered, kicking at the ground like a small child. "What can I do to fix them?"_**

 ** _CJ's jaw dropped as Josephine nodded shortly and led Sera away. She apologized. Had Sera ever apologized for one of her pranks? Not that CJ could remember._**

 ** _She looked up at the sky. Was it falling? Was Corypheus approaching on his pet dragon? Surely, this must be signaling the end of the world?!_**

 ** _But, no. There was no signs imminent in the clear blue sky._**

 ** _She was still staring at the sky when Blackwall found her, half an hour later._**

 ** _"_** ** _What are you looking at?" He questioned._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sera apologized. I'm still not convinced that the sky's not gonna fall." She exclaimed._**

 ** _Blackwall chuckled. "You're a weird one, aren't you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're just figuring that out now?" She laughed. "You're a slow one, aren't you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Come with me, fighter. I need your assistance."_**

 ** _"_** ** _With what?" She questioned, but Blackwall just shook his head._**

 _ **With a sigh, she followed the man.**_

 ** _The trip to Orlais was uneventful, though CJ hadn't been all that keen on leaving Tommy. Again. Parenthood really sucked, sometimes. They were in the Winter Palace courtyard now, Josephine had gone to find the man who had invited them, Duke Gaspard._**

 ** _"_** ** _Twiggy, still moping?" She scowled at Sera._**

 ** _"_** ** _Stop calling me that, and I'm_** ** _not_** ** _moping." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Are too."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Are not!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Are too!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Are not!"_**

 ** _Before the argument could deteriorate further, Cullen stepped between them._**

 ** _"_** ** _Might I remind you ladies that the Inquisition is already on thin ice with the court because our Inquisitor is an elf?" He said. "We do not need you two fighting like children and making things worse."_**

 ** _CJ opened her mouth to retort, but was abruptly pulled away by the back of her tunic. She turned a glare on Iron Bull._**

 ** _"_** ** _What was that for?" She demanded hotly._**

 ** _He just grinned at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're pretty cute when you get all fired up."_**

 ** _Her face flared red, and she didn't know how to respond. So instead, she pulled at her shirt, straightening it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Your face almost matches your shirt." Varric commented, and CJ resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him. Barely._**

 ** _"_** ** _Stuff it, dwarf, or I'll tell the nobles that you're looking for interviews for your newest book." She threatened._**

 ** _Varric stared at her. "You wouldn't."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Try me." She retorted._**

 ** _He stared at her for a moment longer. "You can be pretty scary when you want. Keep that in mind, fighter."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You make me proud, Kadan." Iron Bull pulled her to him for a quick kiss._**

 ** _"_** ** _None of that," Cullen exclaimed as Iron Bull released her. "Now come on."_**

 ** _Much to CJ's displeasure, it had been decided that she would be one of the main group with Talon. Apparently, the story of her dragon-slaying had swept through the court like wildfire. Sera gave her a triumphant look as Leliana instructed her to stay to the side, melting into the background as soon as she could._**

 ** _CJ stuck her tongue out at the elf in response._**

 ** _Their group was separated in two, Talon, CJ, Vivienne, and Blackwall making up the main group while Iron Bull, Cole, Sera, and Varric would be tasked with gathering information._**

 ** _CJ followed Talon into the main hall, trying to keep the disgruntled look off her face. She needed to act the part, like the Orlesian nobility, otherwise they'd eat her alive._**

 ** _Once they'd been introduced, Josephine indicated for CJ to come closer._**

 ** _"_** ** _No doubt you will be asked for the story of the dragon and Adamant," She began. "Please keep all exaggerations to a minimum."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I thought Orlesians likes stories." CJ answered. "The wilder, the better."_**

 ** _Josephine scowled at her briefly. "We are trying to keep the Inquistion as credible as possible. We do not need one of our leaders spreading tall tales."_**

 ** _CJ blinked in shock. "I'm not one of the leaders." She protested._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes you are!" Josephine exclaimed, but then paused at CJ's confused look. "You don't believe that, do you? Don't see how important you are." CJ shrugged, uncomfortable with the turn the conversation took._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't worry, Josie." She said, instead. "I'll keep the story strictly to the one you and Leliana released. I'm not Varric, prone to making up stories at the drop of a hat."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You forget, CJ, I've heard you in the tavern with Iron Bull's men."_**

 ** _CJ grinned. "I'll behave Josie. I promise."_**

 ** _And she did behave. She behaved when the nobles cornered her and demanded the story of the dragon. She behaved when one asked her to dance and then groped her. She behaved when she overheard a group of them making fun of Talon for being an elf. She even behaved when she happened upon a group of men and women badmouthing Iron Bull._**

 ** _But CJ's patience abruptly snapped when she came face to face with someone she'd never expected to see again._**

 ** _"_** ** _I say," The man's companion said, peering at CJ through his mask. "You look rather familiar, my dear. Are you from Denerim, by chance?" He was Ferelden._**

 ** _"_** ** _I was born there, yes." CJ answered, not taking her eyes off the first man. Many emotions were flashing across his face, surprise, anger, shock, and confusion. But the one that got CJ was fear. He was terrified by the sight of her. Why was he so afraid? The last time she'd seen her father, he'd made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. So CJ had left. That had been almost eight years ago. Why would he fear her?_**

 ** _"_** ** _She looks remarkably like that peasant girl, Ari? Doesn't she, Michal?"_**

 ** _CJ's father blinked._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've done well, apparently." Michal said._**

 ** _"_** ** _As have you." She answered, taking note of his clothes. He was no longer a servant. By his clothes, CJ guessed he had somehow managed to gain a title._**

 ** _"_** ** _You know each other, Michal?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I should certainly hope he knows me." CJ couldn't stop herself from speaking. The last time she'd seen this man, he'd sworn at her and demanded that she never come to him again. That she was nothing more than a beggar, besides the fact that CJ hadn't asked anything from him. At the age of seventeen, she'd just wanted to see him. Ask why he hadn't wanted her. "Considering I'm his daughter."_**

 ** _Michal reacted like she'd punched him._**

 ** _"_** ** _I have no daughter." He hissed._**

 ** _Oh, that hurt. Despite the fact that he'd abandoned her when she was an infant, it still hurt to have her father standing there staring at her straight in the eye and saying he didn't have a daughter. Rejecting her existence without hesitation. That hurt more than she was expecting._**

 ** _"_** ** _Enjoy your evening." She was pleased her voice didn't shake. With that, she turned on her heel and walked away. She needed to find a quiet spot where she could get control of her emotions. She'd be no good to the Inquisition with her emotions going haywire like this._**

 ** _It took some doing, but she finally found a quiet alcove that she could duck in._**

 ** _'_** ** _Calm down.' She thought sternly. 'What does it matter that that bastard doesn't want to claim you? You don't need him. You've never needed him. You've lived for twenty-five years without a parent. You don't need him. You've got a family now. Tommy and Iron Bull and Talon and Cole and all of them. They're your family. They're better than that bastard could ever hope to be.'_**

 ** _But still, her hands shook. Her heart ached. Her eyes burned._**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan." Iron Bull's voice sounded out from behind her._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're supposed to be gathering information." She didn't turn to face him._**

 ** _"_** ** _What's wrong?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Nothing."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You are lying." He placed a hand on her shoulder. The warmth was familiar. And welcome. "Kadan, what's wrong?"_**

 ** _But CJ didn't want to say. How pathetic would she sound? Getting all weepy because the man who abandoned her twenty-five years ago didn't accept her now? What had she expected?!_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's stupid. It's nothing." She took a deep breath, calming herself. Once she was sure there were no tears in her eyes, she turned to look at Iron Bull. "You're supposed to be gathering information."_**

 ** _He stared at her, frowning. But then he sighed._**

 ** _"_** ** _You are much to stubborn for your own good." He muttered._**

 ** _"_** ** _But that's why you love me." She retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _One of the many reasons, yes." He answered without hesitation._**

 ** _She blinked, startled. Sure, she knew how he felt, but he'd never actually said it. Even in this obtuse manner. Before she could reply, Sera ducked her head into the alcove._**

 ** _"_** ** _Something's brewing in the staffs' quarters." She said. "Twiggy, you, me, Shiny, and Demon boy are to check it out. Bull, Shiny wants you with Josephine."_**

 _ **CJ nodded in understanding and followed the elf, giving one last glance over her shoulder as she went. Iron Bull was watching her, his face the mask he wore so well. She turned her attention back to what was on hand.**_

 ** _As CJ crouched down beside yet another one of the elven staff's slain body, she fought to control her anger._**

 ** _"_** ** _They just swept through and killed them. Like it was nothing." She exclaimed, her voice tight. They'd come upon some mercenaries' bodies. Ones who really had no business being in Orlais to begin with._**

 ** _Her companions didn't speak as she closed the elven woman's eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry we didn't get here in time." She murmured and then stood up._**

 ** _"_** ** _We need to keep moving." Talon said. His face was drawn with sorrow and anger._**

 ** _"_** ** _These deaths can't be overlooked." She exclaimed._**

 _ **"**_ _ **They won't be." Sera's voice spoke promises of chaos. And CJ completely approved.**_

 ** _No one was innocent in the whole mess. CJ was disgusted with the entire affair. Gaspard had brought in chevaliers, Florianne had become Coryepheus' follower, Briala would have killed anyone who could dig up her past with Celene. And who had been caught in their quest for the throne? Innocent victims._**

 ** _Talon had Florianne arrested and taken into the Inquisition's custody. He'd judge her back at Skyhold. That left the question of who would rule Orlais. If CJ'd been in charge of the decision, she honestly didn't know what she would have done. Probably would have told them all to piss off and picked one of the young elven servants whose life had been all but destroyed in the mess of the night. Or put Krem on the throne. That'd piss off a lot of people._**

 ** _'_** ** _Probably why I won't be given that type of power.' She thought bleakly, staring out at the view from one of the balconies off of the main hall. She'd seen her father again after they stopped Florianne from killing Celene. He'd given her the same fear-filled look as he had before. But this time, there'd been something else. Anticipation, maybe? She didn't know. Just like she didn't know why he was so afraid by the sight of her. Hadn't she respected his wishes? Done what he asked? Wasn't that good enough?_**

 ** _"_** ** _Boss decided to keep Celene on the throne." Iron Bull's voice pulled her from her increasingly negative thoughts._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yippee." She couldn't put any real enthusiasm into her answer. But Iron Bull kept chattering, trying to draw her out of her foul mood. She didn't really pay attention._**

 ** _"_** ** _Saw another qunari here. Not as big as me, but looked mean. He must have gotten in a nasty fight with someone. I could see the scar on his neck from across the room." That caught her attention, but she didn't know why. "He was with that squirrely little guy. The jumped up servant turned noble from Denerim. Mocal? Michal?"_**

 ** _CJ's blood ran cold as it clicked. All of a sudden, it made sense. Why Michal had been so stunned to see her. Really, more so than he should be even if he hadn't seen her in eight years. More like, he'd been told he'd never see her again. That she was dead. And who would have told him that but one of those who were tasked to kill her?_**

 ** _And that would explain the fear. Why he was so terrified of her. Hell, if she'd sent a team of mercenaries after someone, she'd be terrified of that person walking up to her like nothing was wrong._**

 ** _That understanding quickly turned to a red hot anger. Michal. He'd sent those men after her all those years ago. It was his fault that the farmstead had been attacked. And one of those attackers was here. Alive. But not for long._**

 ** _"_** ** _Where'd you see them last?" She demanded, cutting Iron Bull off mid-sentence._**

 ** _"_** ** _What's wrong?" He asked, startled. But CJ was no longer there. She was rushing back into the main hall, scanning the faces for her father._**

 ** _"_** ** _Where's Michal?" She demanded, grabbing the arm of the man he'd been with earlier. CJ knew Iron Bull was right behind her, given the man's eyes kept flicking up in fear. "Where is he?!"_**

 ** _He pointed and CJ ran. Iron Bull was following, but he got caught in the crowd._**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan!" He called, but CJ didn't stop. "Wait!"_**

 ** _But CJ didn't. She bolted past people, only pausing long enough to ask if they'd seen a man and qunari go by._**

 ** _"_** ** _They went that way," A young man said, his voice wavering. CJ had found him at the bottom of a staircase, holding his ankle. "The qunari grabbed my sister and pushed me down the stairs!"_**

 ** _And CJ was gone again. She had no thoughts other than catching the qunari and killing him. Like she'd thought she'd done seven years ago. From the information she'd gained, she knew the qunari was Blatt. He'd been the one who had allowed her to escape by being drunk. He would not survive again._**

 ** _She whipped around a corner and froze. There he was. Standing at the far end of the hall. In his hands, he held a rope. The rope was taut, strung up through a chandelier and going out the window. CJ could hear the muffled yells of fear._**

 ** _"_** ** _Never thought I'd see you again." His voice was raspy, but it still brought back waves of memories. CJ fought back the fear that wanted to fill her mind._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're supposed to be dead." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _So are you." He responded. "And yet here you are."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll fix that for you soon." She took a step forward, a dagger in her hand already._**

 ** _"_** ** _No you won't." Blatt smiled sickly. "You kill me, I drop the rope, and then dear old dad falls to his death."_**

 ** _"_** ** _So?" She retorted. "He's responsible for what happened."_**

 ** _"_** ** _But is the girl?" She stopped walking, cursing silently. "She's young. Can't be more than eighteen. That was about how old you were, isn't it?" Blatt's voice turned crooning. "When we took you?" He loosened his grasp on the rope for a second, and a foot slid through his fingers. The yells grew more panicked. "You really going to let her fall?"_**

 ** _No. Of course she wasn't. She couldn't. And Blatt knew that. The instant he let go of the rope, CJ would only have one chance. If she hesitated for even a second, she wouldn't be able to grab it, and they'd fall. But Blatt would get away._**

 ** _"_** ** _I know you want to kill me, Dearie." She flinched at the name. "But what's more important? My death or her life? Choose!" He released the rope and began running away and CJ lunged forward. She grabbed the rope as it unwound from the floor. The combined weight of her father and the girl was too much for CJ to lift straight up. It was all she could do to stop the rope from slipping right out of her hands. The friction caused burns to form, but she clung to it, doing her best to wrap it around her arms, trying to gain more leverage._**

 ** _Blatt paused at the end of the hall and looked back at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _This isn't over." She hissed through clenched teeth, glaring at him. CJ could hear Iron Bull calling her name. He was getting closer. No doubt he had more of their group with him._**

 ** _"_** ** _No." Blatt agreed, his eyes sweeping her body just as they'd done so many times all those years ago. "It's not. We'll meet again, Dearie. Count on it." And then he was gone._**


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 28

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Over here, Bull! I need some help!" The qunari rounded the corner and barely slowed in his stride as he ran forward. CJ had expected him to grab the rope. Not grab her._**

 ** _He hugged her tightly, surprising her._**

 ** _"_** ** _The next time I say wait, Kadan, you'd damn well better wait for me!" She would have protested his words, but she felt him shaking. Not enough to be visible, but she could feel it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sorry, Bull." She murmured. "Didn't mean to scare you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You didn't scare me, Kadan. I know you can take care of yourself." But his words came too quickly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Help me pull this bastard up." She said as he released her._**

 ** _With Iron Bull's help, it was short work to get Michal and the girl back inside._**

 ** _The moment Michal was untied from the girl, CJ slammed her fist across his face._**

 ** _"_** ** _You bastard." She hissed, fully intent on beating him. Iron Bull's arms around her prevented that._**

 ** _"_** ** _What is going on?!" Talon demanded as CJ struggled._**

 ** _"_** ** _Let me go, damn it!" She exclaimed. "It's his fault! It's all his fault! Why, you bastard?! I left! I did what you asked! Why did you send them after me?!" Her voice hitched. "Why?! I left, damn it! I did what you wanted! It's your fault they're dead! I should throw you out that damn window myself! Let me go, Bull!" But Bull's hold was firm. She didn't stand a chance at breaking free. "Let go!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan, stop." He ordered, but CJ didn't want to. She wanted to hurt the man in front of her. Really hurt him. Make him feel every bit of pain and terror that that family had felt, seven years ago. That thought scared her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Why did you send them after me?!" She demanded. Michal had drawn back, his lip bleeding. Varric had drawn Bianca, leveling it at the man to keep him from running. "Answer me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Answer her, or I will let her go." Iron Bull growled. "And she will kill you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I never wanted you!" Michal's voice was higher with fright. "I told Ari to get rid of you. Leave you in the wilds for an animal to eat. But she didn't! You were never supposed to live. But I moved on with my life. Was no longer a servant. And then you came along after all those years gone. I couldn't let you ruin everything I'd worked for!"_**

 ** _CJ flinched at the disgust in the man's voice. "But I left!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You could have come back!" Michal exclaimed. "You would have ruined everything!"_**

 ** _Iron Bull's grip loosened for just a second. But that's all CJ needed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Twenty people!" She tackled the man. "Twenty people died because of you! Nine of them were children! They'd never done anything to deserve that!"_**

 ** _By the time they were able to pull CJ off of him, she'd broken his nose. Michal was sobbing on the ground. Moaning that it wasn't his fault. She'd made him do it._**

 ** _CJ looked at him in disgust. "Where is Blatt? Where is he going? Tell me everything you know about him."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You've killed me!" He exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shut up!" She retorted viciously. "You're not dying!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm in pain-,"_**

 ** _CJ cut him off with a swear word. "You know nothing of pain!" Michal was stunned into silence at her tone. She drew a dagger and sliced into her pant leg, ripping the fabric away easily. "Pain is spending six months having your skin carved for some sick delight of monsters your own father sent after you!" The scars were plain for everyone to see, but CJ didn't care. "Pain is seeing innocent lives taken away and not being able to stop it! You know nothing of pain," She spat, crouching and pressing the dagger against his cheek. Not hard enough to cut. Not quite. Not yet. "But you will," She hissed. "If you do not tell me what I want to know."_**

 ** _The smell of urine filled the air as Michal's bladder let go, but he talked._**

 ** _Emerald Graves. Blatt was headed for the Emerald Graves. And CJ would follow him._**

 ** _BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB_**

 ** _"_** ** _You wouldn't really have cut him." CJ looked at Cole, who was riding beside her. They were, finally, on their way back to Skyhold. CJ's plan was to restock supplies, see Tommy briefly and then head out. She would not rest easy until Blatt was dead. "Not like they cut you. You wouldn't have killed him. Though you wanted to. Why not? He deserved it. Rage and hurt boiling inside you, but you wouldn't. Why?"_**

 ** _She didn't answer for a long time. CJ wasn't even sure herself. "Because he was afraid." She finally settled on. "And he is no longer a threat to me. Hurting him, killing him, it would not bring any of those who died back. Wouldn't take away my scars. He is not the one I will take my revenge on."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I want to go with you." She raised an eyebrow. "To the Emerald Graves. I want to go with you. Will you let me?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _If you'd like, Cole. I won't stop you." She smiled at him. "Thank you."_**

 ** _BBBBBB_**

 ** _"_** ** _Take care of him." She spoke lowly, so as to not awaken the child sleeping in her bed. "Don't let him out of Skyhold without an escort. An armed escort. Blatt could very well come after him."_**

 ** _"_** ** _They'll keep him safe, Kadan." Iron Bull said, glancing at the child before focusing on her face._**

 ** _"_** ** _They?" CJ questioned._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm coming with you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No you're not."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes, I am."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No. You're not."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Bull, the only way for me to catch Blatt is to travel under the radar. He's already going to be on the lookout for me. But I have ways of blending in. You do not."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I can blend!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're over six feet tall with huge horns! You couldn't blend in the middle of a sand storm!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _But Kadan,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No, Bull." CJ said firmly._**

 ** _Iron Bull scowled at her heavily. CJ just crossed her arms and scowled back._**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't like this." He announced. "I really don't like this."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't have to like this. I'm doing this."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I could stop you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No, you really couldn't." Her scowl turned into a dark glare._**

 ** _"_** ** _I could. I could tie you up."_**

 ** _But CJ knew that was a false threat. He'd only bind her for pleasure._**

 ** _"_** ** _You could." She agreed. "You're stronger than me. I really couldn't stop you. But you wouldn't."_**

 ** _"_** ** _If I thought it would stop you. Save your life, you bet your pretty ass I would." He matched her glare evenly._**

 ** _They were still standing there when Krem came looking for CJ._**

 ** _"_** ** _Uhm . . . .," His voice cut through their glaring contest. "Am I interrupting something?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No." "Yes." The answers came simultaneously._**

 ** _"_** ** _No." CJ restated firmly. "I'm leaving." She turned away from Iron Bull._**

 ** _Her steps were stopped short by a hand grabbing the neck of her armor._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're not leaving like that." Iron Bull said firmly, turning her around._**

 ** _Her protests were cut off by Iron Bull's kiss. It started out fiercely, as if Iron Bull was trying to make her stay, but it quickly gentled. Turned warm and passionate._**

 ** _"_** ** _You will come back." He pulled back just enough to speak. Though it sounded like an order, CJ could hear the plea buried deep in his tone. "You will come back."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Of course." She closed the distance between them in a final kiss. "I'll come back."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And Krem's going to make sure of that."_**

 ** _At first, CJ was going to refuse. Her party had grown from just her and Cole to include Varric, Solas, Sera, and Dorian as well. Granted, Solas and Sera would only be along for a part of the journey, but the more people there, the bigger risk Blatt would hear of them long before they got close. But the look in Iron Bull's eye, the set of his face, the worry that he tried so hard to hide, stopped her._**

 ** _"_** ** _As you wish." She began walking away._**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan." She paused in the doorway, Krem right in front of her. "I love you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I love you too."_**

 ** _And then she was gone, gathering her group and heading out of Skyhold._**


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognizable characters. I simply borrow them for my amusement _  
_

Chapter 29

 **Kadan,**

 **You've been gone for approximately three hours. Hurry back.**

 **Bull**

 _Bull,_

 _What did you threaten Cullen's recruit with? The poor boy looked ready to wet himself as he came tearing up to us. I've been gone for five hours._ _Five_ _hours. You can't be sending recruits after me every three hours. For one, you'd end up sending all of Cullen's army across Thedas, which seriously impacts his ability to fight this war. And for two, I can't blend if I've got a train of Inquisition soldiers following along behind me. Take a deep breath. I'll be fine._

 _Take care of Tommy._

 _CJ_

 **Kadan,**

 **I didn't threaten him. Only encouraged him to move quickly. Cullen should be glad that I'm whipping his recruits into shape. They could use it. Considering it took him two hours to catch up to you, I'd be worried. I'll use one of Leliana's birds this time. And I'll wait a day before sending it. Happy? And the boy's fine. Just missing his mother.**

 **Bull**

 _Bull,_

 _Yes, thank you. Sorry I didn't reply as quickly as you did. We ran in to some trouble at an abandoned farm. We'd thought it looked like a good place to camp for the night. A group of darkspawn thought the same thing. We're fine, though Sera's got a new apprehension about Cole. He grabbed one of her arrows out of flight and stabbed a darkspawn in the eye. It was actually pretty cool. And if you want to help Cullen train his recruits, lead them through routines. Have them spar your chargers. Run drills. Do_ _not_ _send them after me._

 _CJ_

 **Kadan,**

 **Here's that amulet for the kid. Let me know how it works. Red want's a detailed report.**

 **Bull**

 _Bull,_

 _Well, the results were . . . . . . . unexpected to say the least. Long story short, the amulet didn't work. I know Krem's writing a more detailed report, so I'll leave it to him. Solas is confused as to why it didn't work while Varric is cocky. Like he knew it wouldn't. I wish he'd inform me of his ideas before things start going downhill. I'm writing this quickly as we pack up camp. Cole's got a feeling that we're going to follow. Don't laugh!_

 _CJ_

 _Bull,_

 _Cole's feeling led us to Redcliffe. Where a Templar was hiding. One of the Templars who were at the tower where Cole, the original human mage Cole, died. They left him alone and forgotten in a cell. I would have been pissed. And Cole was. Varric gave him Bianca. I almost smacked the dwarf for that. But Cole made his decision. He didn't forgive the man, but he didn't kill him either. That's a good thing, right? Solas says the amulet won't work on Cole, but that Cole won't be able to be possessed either. That's good (though Solas looked like he was sucking on sour grapes). Here's Leliana's amulet back. Maybe there's another use for it? How's Tommy doing?_

 _CJ_

 **Kadan,**

 **I could have told you that it wouldn't work as well. The kid's been becoming more and more human every day he spends around you. You've got that effect on people. Making them better. Tommy's fine. I've started teaching him some basic fighting skills so he's able to protect himself. There's a punk kitchen aid who was making fun of Tommy's leg. So Tommy kicked him hard enough to fracture bone. You've got a fighter on your hands.**

 **Bull**

 _Bull,_

 _I'm sending this message with Sera and Solas. We'll be moving more quickly now, and I don't know when the next time I'll write is. Damn right Tommy's a fighter. I'm proud of him. And I know you'll teach him well. We're headed south towards The Fallow Mire. Krem says he's got an easier way to get to the Emerald Graves. Hopefully he knows what he's talking about._

 _Stay safe,_

 _CJ_

 **Kadan,**

 **Krem's got a decent sense of direction. Usually. But south? Why not just head straight west from Redcliffe? On one of the main roads, or main until you hit Orlais, at least. There's been reports of Red Templars starting to pop up all over. It's not looking like a good sign. Be careful out there. And hurry home. Tommy misses his mom.**

 **And I miss her too.**

 **Bull**

 _Bull,_

 _We've crossed into the Emerald Graves. Let me tell you, cross-country trips are not nearly as fun as you've talked about. I'm beginning to think you were just messing with me. And some of the stories Krem tells? How have the Chargers survived long enough to join the Inquisition? Baiting giants? Flooding camps and just swimming away from the fight? Though I am interested in hearing more about those magic trees. You'll have to tell me that story when I get back. I wonder if Talon knows more about them? We'll be meeting with some of the locals in the morning to see if they've heard of a Qunari wandering about. How are things on your end going?_

 _CJ_

 **Kadan,**

 **Oh, the stories I could tell. Don't believe what Krem says. He likes to cast me in a bad light. And the trips are all about who you've got with you. I guarantee you'd feel differently if I were there with you. A month you've been gone now. That's too long, Kadan. Much too long. Things are going well here, or as well as can be expected when we're getting ready to fight ancient evil.**

 **Keep your wits about you,**

 **Bull**

 _Bull,_

 _We've found something that Cullen definitely will be interested. Red lyrium smugglers. The first group we stumbled on were just a couple of lackys. Cole and Varric had taken care of them before they even realized what had happened. We destroyed their hoard lyrium, but they had a letter and map marking other spots. The letter also mentioned a qunari with a scar across his throat. How much do you want to bet it's the one I'm looking for? I'm getting closer to finding Blatt. I can feel it. I'll pass on more information about the smugglers as I gather it._

 _CJ_

 **Kadan,**

 **You were right. Cullen is definitely interested in the smugglers. And one particular name included in the letter. Samson. Cullen knows him from his Templar days. Nasty piece of work, if you ask me (he didn't, but oh well). And apparently, Samson's got himself a set of armor made out of red lyrium. Can you find where the bastards are getting their supply? And if you are getting close to your prey, be careful. Revenge can really mess a person up. I don't want that for you, Kadan.**

 **Bull**

 _Bull,_

 _Dragons. Sodding dragons! For a creature that's supposed to be almost extinct, how the hell are there so many around?! The last smuggler hide out was just over a hill from a sodding dragon den! Seriously, am I like dragon bait or something?! Varric wanted to fight it, the crazy dwarf! Insane dwarf! Addled dwarf! He was very quickly overruled by Krem and I, who have actually fought a dragon before. No, we destroyed the red lyrium and then got the hell out of there. This is the third dragon I've seen in the past year. That doesn't sound like an extinct creature to me! The smugglers were getting their supply from a mine in Emprise du Lion. We'll be heading there in the morning. Blatt is definitely with them. I got that much from one of the smugglers before he met a rather abrupt end._

 _I've seen enough dragons to last me a life time!_

 _CJ_

 **Kadan,**

 **By the time this letter reaches you, you'll probably already be there, but going to that mine is a very bad idea. Very bad. Red lyrium is nasty stuff, and if it is really their supply, no doubt Corypheus will have some pretty powerful people protecting it. Your group alone isn't strong enough to take them all on. Please, wait for reinforcements. Cullen's getting some troops together and they'll be marching out in the morning. If this letter reaches you in time, just wait. Be patient. As for dragons, you have a tendency to attract dangerous attention, I'll agree with you there. Just look at who you fell in love with.**

 **Please, wait**

 **Bull**


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognizable characters. I simply borrow them for my amusement _  
_

Chapter 30

 ** _CJ swore as she dodged a fireball sent at her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Dorian, cool the bastard off!" She called over her shoulder, looking for an opening with the Red Templar she was fighting. Another fireball came flying towards them, sent by the mage Dorian was fighting. Rather poorly, in her opinion. "Come on, Sparky, get it together!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Do not call me Sparky!" Came Dorian's retort._**

 ** _"_** ** _Then freeze the bastard already!" She yelled while sinking her dagger into a crack in the Templar's armor, between his helmet and chest plate. He died with a gurgling gasp. A cross-bolt came whipping past her, burying itself in the chest of a demon who'd just appeared. "Watch it, Varric! You almost got me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I was nowhere near you, Fighter!" Varric yelled, reloading Bianca and firing again._**

 ** _"_** ** _Behind you!" Cole called and CJ whipped around, barely parrying the sword thrust._**

 ** _"_** ** _Thanks, Cole!" CJ shouted._**

 ** _As she focused on this new attacker, CJ bit back a curse. They'd stormed the mine, but Blatt hadn't been there. He'd already retreated to Suledin Keep with the rest of the Red Templars. The coward. So now, along with Inquisition soldiers, CJ and her team were fighting their way through the keep. Sure, it would be a good foothold in the area for the Inquisition to take possession of the keep, but that wasn't CJ's main concern. She was after Blatt._**

 ** _They continued pushing forward, driving the Red Templars back. As they breached a courtyard, CJ froze._**

 ** _"_** ** _You've got to be kidding me." She exclaimed, staring at the creature in the middle of the courtyard. It was too late to find a different way, they'd already been spotted. "A giant?! A lyrium infected giant?!" She spluttered. "What the hell is wrong with these people?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _That's your first problem, Fighter." Varric began as he leveled Bianca. "You're assuming they are people. All I see are monsters."_**

 ** _All conversation was cut off as the giant picked up a chunk of stone and lobbed it at them._**

 ** _It was a hard fight, but they won. Barely._**

 ** _"_** ** _Next time," Krem gasped as CJ struggled to remain on her feet. "Next time, we're waiting for reinforcements. I don't care what you say, Fighter. We're waiting for back up."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Agreed." Cole, Dorian, and Varric said in unison._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah yeah." CJ said, straightening. "Next time we storm a Red Templar Keep, we'll wait for back up." She wiped a hand across her forehead. "Now come on."_**

 ** _And they pressed on, fighting their way deeper into the keep, coming closer to the hold with each battle won. There'd been no sign of Blatt, but CJ was determined. If she had to search every inch of this damned place, she would. Two more hours passed as they fought._**

 ** _"_** ** _Watch out!" CJ turned just in time to catch a sword swing from an apparently pissed off red Templar. Sparks flew as steel met steel. "Fighter, drop!"_**

 ** _Not hesitating, she obeyed Dorian's yell and dropped to the ground. A burst of fire blasted inches above her, catching the Templar and engulfing him._**

 ** _"_** ** _How much more of this is there?!" Varric exclaimed as they rested briefly. CJ looked around at the group. They were all tired, she could see it in the way Dorian leaned on his staff, how Cole and Varric were sitting on the ground, weapons held loosely, how Krem looked like the only thing holding him up was his armor. "This place is huge!"_**

 ** _CJ ran a hand across her face. How much more could they handle? They could pull back, wait for reinforcements, but then Blatt could escape. She frowned mentally. No way was she going to risk their lives just for her revenge._**

 ** _"_** ** _We will follow you." Cole's voice brought CJ out of her thoughts. "As far as you lead, we will follow you, CJ." She blinked at him, surprised._**

 ** _"_** ** _The kid's right, Fighter." Varric pushed himself up. "We're with you till the end."_**

 ** _Looking around, she saw the sentiments mirrored in every face._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right." She nodded shortly. "Then let's move on."_**

 ** _They broke into the hold right as Inquisition forces caught up._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're a little late to the party!" CJ called to Scout Harding._**

 ** _"_** ** _Better late than never!" Scout Harding retorted. "Glad to see you've left some fun for us!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Help yourself!" Varric said, shooting a bolt through a demon's head. "There's plenty for everyone!"_**

 ** _CJ swung a dagger, catching a demon in the throat. She was not expecting another to appear right in front of her, knocking the weapon from her left hand. It thrust a dagger at her, which CJ foolishly blocked with her free hand. Pain shot through her as the dagger stabbed through her hand. But that didn't stop her from bringing her right hand around, sinking the dagger into the demon's eye. It died with a gurgle, and CJ swore as she looked at her left hand. It was a solid mass of pain. Blood was running freely from the wound. She needed to get the dagger out, now._**

 ** _Gritting her teeth, CJ yanked it out swiftly, fighting the urge to pass out. Instead, she wrapped it tightly with fabric ripped from her shirt. She'd have Dorian look at it once the fight was done. Until then, she'd have to fight one-handed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Of course my weaker hand couldn't be the one that's hurt." She muttered in annoyance. CJ was warier now, staying towards the edges of the battle, picking off those she could._**

 ** _This worked for about fifteen minutes, until CJ saw Krem get mobbed by six red Templars. She didn't hesitate to throw herself into the fray. As she spun in a tight circle, dagger whirling, she caught sight of Blatt. The qunari was back by a door, working with something, while glancing over his shoulder. Killing her last opponent swiftly, CJ ran towards him. So close!_**

 ** _She was six feet away when he saw her. His face twisted in a look of hatred and he went through the door, slamming it closed an instant before CJ reached him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn it!" She swore, and tried opening it. It didn't budge. "Come on! I'm so close!" She threw her weight against the door and when it shifted slightly, she tried it again. "You can run all you want, Blatt!" She yelled through the door. "But I will find you, and I will kill you!" She rammed the door again, ignoring the ache in her shoulder._**

 ** _"_** ** _Let me try, Fighter." Krem said, coming up behind her. The fight in the room behind them was dying down, Inquisition soldiers rallying to finish off the few remaining Templars. She stepped to the side, allowing the man in heavy armor to beat at the door._**

 ** _"_** ** _Blatt's in there." She said as Krem rammed it. "He's in there."_**

 ** _Unexpectedly, Krem broke through the door, staggering forward off-balance. CJ had been right behind him and saw the Red Templar hauling back._**

 ** _"_** ** _Krem, get down!" She yelled, shoving the man down, out of the way. Before she could do anything more, the Red Templar spat, catching CJ in the face with red, hot liquid. Pain erupted as it felt like her eyes were on fire. CJ knew no more._**


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognizable characters. I simply borrow them for my amusement _  
_

Chapter 31

Bull,

As you no doubt realized, I, CJ, am not the one writing this. Dorian's been kind enough to write while I dictate to him. I hurt my hand in the last battle pretty decently, but don't worry. I'll be fine. Just can't write at the moment. So, updates. I know it's been almost three weeks since I sent my last letter. I apologize for that. I didn't mean to go so long in between letters. Things just kind of spiraled out of control. No doubt you, Cullen, Talon, and Leliana will be receiving reports from the various people involved, so I'll keep it brief in my letter. Long story short, we cleared out the mine, with minor trouble. The Red Templars had been kidnapping the townspeople from Sahrnia, a local village, and forcing them to work in the mine. We, along with some of the Inquisition, put a stop to that and pushed the Red Templars back to a keep. Suledin Keep, to be exact. Whole lot of trouble in there. Cullen's trained his people well though. It was a fight (red lyrium infected giants, to put a little perspective on it), but the Inquisition won in the end. The surviving Templars-who weren't infected with lyrium- have been taken prisoner and are being questioned. There was an explosion, and they think Blatt was caught in it. The soldiers haven't recovered his remains yet.

Keep an eye on Tommy,

CJ

Iron Bull,

CJ doesn't know I'm adding this to her letter. She'd probably skin me alive if she did, but you deserve to know. She was injured a lot worse that she let on. While it's true that her hand is injured, a demon stabbed through it in an attempt to stop her from killing it (which didn't work), that's not her only injury. What she doesn't want you to know, made Krem swear not to tell you, was that she got a face-full of liquid red lyrium. A new trick by those bastards. I dislike Templars to begin with, but I pity any who have been forced to consume the deadly lyrium. Around her eyes was hit the most heavily. Either by luck or the Maker's intervention, none of the shards actually pierced her eyes. If they'd had, a very different message would be being sent. As it stands, we did the best we could and removed all that was visible, healing as we went. But the damage from the liquid was bad enough. CJ's blind. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but I don't know how else to say it. We, the fellow Inquisition mages and I, are hopeful that as the trauma to her eyes caused by the liquid heals, she'll regain her sight, but we don't know. None of the captives can answer our questions, or they choose not to. I don't know which. I will keep a close eye on her condition and do my best to ensure she doesn't do anything to worsen her eyes. What I'm asking of you is to remain at Skyhold. Protect the boy. CJ's mind rests easier when she knows you're with him. Like I said, you deserved to know, and CJ would never tell you. The stubborn idiot.

Dorian

 **Kadan,**

 **Cullen's got a lead on where Samson has been. Some place called Dumat. I'll be going with him and Boss to check it out. See if we can't find a way to break through his lyrium armor. You and I are going to have a very long talk about keeping secrets from me when we both get back to Skyhold. A very long talk. You can't keep secrets from a former Ben-Hassrath. We'll be moving quickly. I will write when I can, or I will see you at Skyhold. Listen to the mages and obey their orders.**

 **Bull**

The Iron Bull,

In CJ's words, you are not the boss of me. I will make sure she follows Ser Dorian's instructions. There was no sign of the Qunari Blatt in the rubble. But when we left, the Inquisition soldiers were still looking. Good luck with your quest.

Cole

 **Take good care of her, Kid.**

 ** _CJ was not in a good mood. It had been three weeks since she'd been injured at the Keep, and her eyesight still hadn't returned. They were making steady progress towards Skyhold, but CJ didn't think they were moving fast enough. There had still been no sign of Blatt's body. He'd gotten away again. She cursed silently, wishing she could see._**

 ** _"Stop playing with the bandages!" Dorian's voice sounded out sharply, and CJ dropped her hand, which had been toying with the bandages wrapped firmly around her head, keeping her eyes and the surrounding area clean and covered._**

 ** _"My eye itches." She retorted._**

 ** _"That means it's healing." Dorian exclaimed. "Leave it alone! You're a worse patient than a child!"_**

 ** _She stuck her tongue out in response, as if to prove she wasn't a child._**

 ** _Varric snickered somewhere to her left._**

 ** _"Real mature, Fighter."_**

 ** _"Stuff it, dwarf." She bit out._**

 ** _"Take it easy, Fighter." That was Krem, from in front of her. "And stop scowling at me."_**

 ** _"You don't know if I'm scowling." She muttered darkly._**

 ** _"You are, though." Cole chimed in. "You wish we were moving faster. But Tommy is safe. Blackwall said he's been attached to his side every waking moment. Blatt's description was spread through Skyhold even before we left. If he's alive and heading there, he won't enter unnoticed."_**

 ** _CJ didn't reply. She knew that, but it still drove her insane. She needed to catch the bastard!_**

 ** _"Just be patient, CJ." Dorian said, his voice gentler. "You can't force yourself to heal. We don't know if your eyesight will,"_**

 ** _"It will return." She cut him off fiercely._**

 ** _"We don't know when," Varric emphasized the word. "it will return. But running yourself ragged will not help the process. You know this."_**

 ** _Again, CJ didn't answer. There was nothing to say._**

 ** _"We'll keep moving for another hour," Krem announced, having taken over as temporary leader while CJ was incapacitated. "And then set up camp for the night. We're getting close. A couple more days, and we'll be home."_**

 ** _A couple more days, and then CJ would be able to hold her boys in her arms. She needed that. She really did._**

 ** _As she was no use setting up camp, CJ just plopped herself on the ground so she wasn't in the way. Unfortunately, this uselessness didn't do much to improve CJ's mood. Heavy footsteps caught her attention. Over the past three weeks, she'd gotten accustomed to listening for her companions' footsteps, and was able to recognize them by their tread. This was none of her small group. Much too heavy for even Krem, decked out in his metal armor. She tensed, her hand grasping a dagger firmly. Then the wind picked up for a moment, carrying a scent to her._**

 ** _"I don't like being snuck up on." She exclaimed, keeping her voice even, though she was both excited and relieved that he was there. "One of these times, you'll get a dagger thrown at you, The Iron Bull."_**

 ** _He laughed as he sat beside her._**

 ** _"It's worth the risk, Kadan." He answered. CJ turned her head towards him, wishing she could see him. She'd missed him these past months. "You've changed your look."_**

 ** _"I told you I could blend." CJ said._**

 ** _"Short hair's a good look on you." He ruffled the two-inch-long hair on her head. "Not sure about the color though. How'd you get it so dark?"_**

 ** _"I'm not sure. Dorian's work, mostly. I just sat still while he did what he wanted."_**

 ** _"I like your natural color better. Brings out your eyes."_**

 ** _She turned away at that, but Bull just put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him._**

 ** _"I thought you guys were already back at Skyhold. Who's watching Tommy?"_**

 ** _"Talon's with him pretty much every minute of the day. And if not him, then Cullen or Blackwall. The kid's never alone. No one will get to him, Kadan. He's safe. Let's worry about you for now, huh?"_**

 ** _"Don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."_**

 ** _"Yeah, so blind and one-handed is fine, is it? Good to know."_**

 ** _"I am fine." She exclaimed. "How was Dumat?"_**

 ** _"I don't want to talk about Dumat. I want to talk about you."_**

 ** _"What about me?"_**

 ** _"You lied to me."_**

 ** _"No I didn't." She retorted. "I can't write. That wasn't a lie."_**

 ** _"You said you couldn't write because of your hand."_**

 ** _"That's true."_**

 ** _"You omitted the part about your eyes."_**

 ** _"Not a lie. Just an omission. Who squealed anyways?"_**

 ** _"A better question would be 'who squealed first', Kadan. And that would be Dorian. Scout Harding sent the news the same day, but I read Dorian's letter first. Then I got letters from Varric and Cole the next day, telling me. Krem the day after. My own man was the last one to cave. I don't know if I should feel proud or betrayed."_**

 ** _"Probably a mixture of both." He laughed, shifting her against him. He radiated warmth and security. She's missed him. A lot._**

 ** _"I've missed you, Kadan." His voice lowered as CJ leaned into him. She was all of a sudden exhausted. "Next time you go on a manhunt, I'm going with. No matter what. Understood?"_**

 ** _"You got it." She murmured, stifling a yawn. "With me, next time."_**

 ** _He laughed, the sound rumbling beneath CJ's ear. "How's this for a reunion, Kadan? You're practically falling asleep on me!"_**

 ** _"'M tired." She retorted. "'Nd you're warm."_**

 ** _"Sleep," He said, amusement clear in his tone. "I've got you. We'll finish our talk later."_**

 ** _"Bull," She was close to falling asleep. "'M glad you're here."_**

 ** _"Sleep, Kadan." He repeated. "I'll watch over you."_**

 ** _And CJ fell asleep._**


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 32

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan." She didn't want to wake up. "Kadan, wake up."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No." She exclaimed, burrowing into the warmth beside her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan," His hand traced her cheek. "Wake up."_**

 ** _As his hand drifted lower, CJ realized something._**

 ** _"_** ** _Why am I naked?" She muttered, not moving away from his touch._**

 ** _"_** ** _You would have been uncomfortable in your armor." He answered automatically. "And I wanted to make sure you weren't hiding any more wounds from me."_**

 ** _"_** ** _So it was totally innocently meant on your part, huh?"_**

 ** _He kissed her. "Maybe not so innocent, completely." He kissed her again, deepening it smoothly. CJ kissed back. Bull really knew how to kiss!_**

 ** _For a moment, she lost herself in the kiss. In his embrace. She'd missed him more than she was willing to admit. But then she pulled away. He growled lowly._**

 ** _"_** ** _We can't have sex here." She said firmly._**

 ** _"_** ** _If you let me continue, we could." He retorted._**

 ** _She laughed. "Let me rephrase, we won't be having sex here. Not in the middle of camp. Everyone would hear!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Everyone's going to assume it anyways, Kadan. And I'll be quiet." His fingers were tracing across her skin, creating the most delicious sensations, making it hard for her think. She swallowed hard as he placed a kiss between her breasts. His lips were hot against her skin._**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't know how to be quiet."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I accept that challenge."_**

 ** _For half a second, CJ considered stopping him. It really wasn't appropriate, but then his head moved lower and all further thought flew from her mind._**

 ** _Later, as she lay trying to catch her breath, Iron Bull kissed her gently on the forehead._**

 ** _"_** ** _You win." She exclaimed. "Turns out you do know how to be quiet." He laughed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tonight, I'll show you even more quiet things I can do."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That a promise?" She sat up, reaching to find her clothes. Her hand skimmed Iron Bull's leg in the process._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn right it is!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Where did you put my clothes, Bull?" She exclaimed, unable to find them._**

 ** _"_** ** _That's privileged information, Kadan." CJ could hear the laughter in his voice and directed a scowl in his direction._**

 ** _"_** ** _Unless you intend for me to go naked today, I need my clothes."_**

 ** _"_** ** _That is a tempting prospect, but I'd hate to have to kill anyone who looked at you. I've grown fond of some of our fellow travelers."_**

 ** _There was rustling and CJ felt her clothes and armor being pressed into her hands._**

 ** _"_** ** _Would you really kill everyone?" She began to get dressed. As she fumbled to tie her armor, Iron Bull pushed her hands out of the way._**

 ** _"_** ** _Maybe not 'everyone'." He allowed. "Most, though. Probably."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, Chief, you awake?" That was Krem's voice. There was an urgency in it that CJ didn't like._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah, Krem." The sound of the tent flap opening brought a burst of fresh air laced with the smoke of the fire. "What's wrong?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _We got a letter from Skyhold." The crinkle of parchment as it was passed to Iron Bull._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shit."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What?" CJ demanded. "What's it say?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _We're gonna have to postpone my promise for tonight." Iron Bull said._**

 ** _"_** ** _What's the letter say?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Blackwall's gone missing and we've received news that Corypheus is preparing a march."_**

 ** _CJ was up in an instant, groping to strap on her weapons._**

 ** _"_** ** _We can't waste any time." She exclaimed. "We need to get to Skyhold."_**

 _ **"**_ _ **Kadan, I'm going ahead. See what I can do to help find Blackwall." Iron Bull announced, coming up to her. He took her in his arms, hugging her to him firmly. "Listen to Krem." He ordered.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **You are not the boss of me, The Iron Bull." She exclaimed, scowling as best she could.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Please listen to Krem." He rephrased it as a request.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **I'll do my best."**_

 _ **He laughed and then kissed her. "See you soon, Kadan."**_

 _ **And then he was gone.**_

 _ **BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB**_

 ** _They packed up camp quickly, on the move no more than an hour after the letter came. Since speed was needed, CJ could no longer be in charge of her own horse. She wouldn't be able to see any obstacles rise in front of her. Instead, she was riding behind Cole, one hand holding onto his shirt, the other still wrapped in bandages._**

 ** _As they rode, CJ tried to see. The bandages had finally been removed, Dorian proclaiming all the wounds healed to satisfaction. There was no reasonable explanation as to why her sight hadn't returned. Maybe she just needed to stretch it like any other injured muscle? But how does one go about stretching their vision?_**

 ** _She tried squinting and widening her eyes, alternating back and forth. She tried to stare in one spot intensely, for so long that if she could see, it would have been all blurry, but there was nothing. Not the faintest hint of light, of color. There was nothing but blackness._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn it." She muttered in disgust._**

 ** _"_** ** _You cannot force it, CJ." Cole murmured, for what had to be at least the sixtieth time. "There was a lot of damage done. It takes time to heal."_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's been three weeks!" She retorted. "How much more time does it need?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't know," Cole answered. "Maybe Solas or Vivienne will be able to help?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Maybe." She allowed. But she didn't hold much hope. What good would she be to the Inquisition if her sight never came back? How could she be a good mother to Tommy? And what about Bull? Would he still want her?_**

 ** _Immediately, she pushed that thought away. It would do nothing to help._**

 _ **Focus on seeing. Eyes were a muscle, right? She just had to figure out how to stretch them correctly. She could control that.**_

 _ **They rode hard, making good progress, when Krem called for them to stop.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **How late is it?" CJ questioned as she slid off the horse. "And how far have we come?"**_

 _ **"**_ _ **We will reach Skyhold by noon. And it is about two hours past dusk." Cole answered.**_

 _ **As CJ listened to the sounds of a quick camp being set up, she felt uneasy. Something more was wrong. Something that Iron Bull had concealed from her. But what was it?**_

 _ **CJ didn't bother asking one of her companions. No doubt Bull had gotten to them already, getting them to promise not to tell her. Stubborn Qunari. It was a nice night, no clouds in sight (according to Varric), so it was decided they wouldn't put up tents. CJ was curled up on a bedroll near a fire, thinking. She missed Bull.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **What's wrong, Fighter?" Dorian's question prompted CJ to roll over.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **What makes you think something's wrong?"**_

 _ **"**_ _ **You practically have steam coming out of your ears and poor Cole has been looking more and more distressed with the passing minutes. What must he be hearing? Care to share with the class?"**_

 _ **"**_ _ **He's not hearing anything." CJ muttered.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Which would explain the lack of color in the lad's face. Why do you torture the boy?"**_

 _ **Because she didn't want him to hear her thoughts, which were growing progressively more negative with each consecutive thought.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **What did you just think?" Dorian's voice was closer. "Your face just darkened. What is wrong?"**_

 _ **"**_ _ **I am allowed my own thoughts, Dorian." CJ exclaimed.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Indeed you are." The Tevinter was not at all bothered by her tone. "But as your friend, I ask you, please talk to me."**_

 _ **"**_ _ **There's nothing you can do to help, Dorian. I just want to be left alone."**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Just because I can't 'fix' the situation doesn't mean that talking about it will do nothing to help." He retorted. "You listened to every single love poem I wrote for our esteemed leader without complaint. Let me listen to you."**_

 _ **CJ was silent for a long moment, contemplating how to answer.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **I'm all out of love poems." Dorian laughed.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Then allow me to help you. I am sure we can come up with something suitable for your Qunari." He exclaimed. "What rhymes with The Iron Bull? Pull? Full? Cull?"**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Those are terrible, Dorian." But CJ had to laugh.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **I can come up with much worse, I assure you." He answered. "Come now, let's plan."**_


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 33

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter!" CJ was glad to hear Sera's voice. More glad than she had expected. "Fighter, you're back!" As soon as CJ's feet were on the ground, a body crashed into her, forcing her to step back. Sera hugged her tightly. "You've missed so much! Shiny's got everyone out looking for him. And I mean everyone. So don't worry."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why would I worry?" CJ exclaimed. "He can take care of himself, can't he? He's a grown man."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Grown man?" Sera snorted. "Is that what you're calling him now? A kid don't grow to be a man in four months."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Kid?" CJ repeated, confused. "Who are you talking about?! Blackwall's not a kid!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm not talking about Beardy! I'm talking about Tommy!"_**

 ** _All of a sudden, CJ couldn't breathe. Surely she had misheard the elf. Somehow. But Sera was still talking._**

 ** _"_** ** _We've had people looking for two days now. A scout found someone who matched Beardy's description heading towards Val Royeax yesterday morning. Leliana's got people heading there now. I've put out a letter to Red Jenny. How come you're so late? I expected you to come tearing in here soon after we sent the letter! Bull was-,"_**

 ** _Things came into focus sharply. Letter. The letter they'd received yesterday morning. The one Bull had read. Blackwall was missing. But so was Tommy. Bull knew, and he hadn't told her. Anger surged through her, but CJ shoved it aside._**

 ** _"_** ** _How long has Tommy been missing? Who was he last seen with? Where was he last seen? Did he have anything with him?" CJ shot off questions quickly, cutting Sera off mid-sentence._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't you know?" Sera's voice was incredulous. "Josie put it all in the letter! He was last seen heading out with Beardy and one of the runts from the kitchen staff, Lia?, Beardy was going to teach them how to track animals. They were gonna be gone overnight. That was four days ago."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And they just vanished?!" CJ demanded. "How can the Inquistion not track one man and two children? One of whom has a wooden leg?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Blackwall's good." CJ whipped around at the sound of Talon's voice. "If he doesn't want to be found, he won't be. He could easily cover the children's tracks as well as his own."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Why would he do that?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _To teach them how to hide. He said it'd be a good skill for them to have-," His voice had been drawing closer, and abruptly, CJ reached out, finding him quickly and yanking him towards her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Where. Is. My. Son?" She hissed, separating each word._**

 ** _"_** ** _We're looking for him, CJ." Talon's hands covered her own which were clutching his tunic tightly. "We've got everyone we can out looking for them."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Not everyone." She released him and purposefully began walking the direction she had come from, assuming that was the main gate. Despite being unable to see, she refused to let any hesitation creep into her strides. She would find her son. She never should have left him in the first place! Damn it!_**

 ** _She ran into a solid body and began swearing._**

 ** _"_** ** _Where are you going?" Bull. The anger swept up fiercely. He'd known yesterday morning and hadn't said anything. If she would have known Tommy was missing, she would have been home a hell of a lot sooner than she was! Hours earlier, time wasted that she could have been using to help search for Tommy._**

 ** _"_** ** _I don't see how that concerns you." Her tone was clipped. Cold._**

 ** _"_** ** _The hell it doesn't, Kadan." He retorted. "Where do you think you're going?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _To find my son! Who is apparently missing!" She snapped and Iron Bull swore._**

 ** _"_** ** _Who told you?" He demanded, taking her arm. CJ shoved him away angrily. Or, rather, she attempted to shove him away. Really, all he did was sway for a moment._**

 ** _"_** ** _You didn't?!" Talon's voice was incredulous. "Why the hell not? I thought she knew!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _So did I!" Sera exclaimed. "How was I supposed to know you hadn't told her?! Why didn't you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What good would it have done?" Bull said and CJ fought harder to release herself._**

 ** _"_** ** _I could have been here hours ago!" She snapped, trying to pry his fingers open with her good hand. "I could have pushed the horse faster! Gotten here last night! Instead I've wasted time! Time that Tommy remains missing!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _All it would have done was worked you up into a panic, Kadan." Bull exclaimed. "And you could have gotten hurt, moving faster. What would have been the point?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I could be helping look for my son!" She yelled._**

 ** _"_** ** _How? You can't see! Right now, you're useless!"_**

 ** _Oh, that stung. That hurt. Badly. But CJ refused to let him see how much. Damn him, the stupid bastard. If that's what he thought about her when she had no sight, then she didn't need him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Go to hell, The Iron Bull." She spat viciously. "You can just go to hell!" His grip loosened and she yanked away from him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Leave me alone! I'm going to find my son!"_**

 ** _She never knew the blow was coming. A strong, well-aimed blow to the back of her head. She went down like a stone, her head buzzing and swimming. CJ gasped in surprise and pain._**

 _ **"**_ _ **I'm sorry, Kadan." And she was hit again.**_


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 34

 ** _Sound came back slowly. Low murmurs. Something dripping. The smell was damp and musty. A yell, "Let me out!"_**

 ** _Where the hell was she?_**

 ** _CJ opened her eyes. Bars. Hands bound in front of her with a strap of leather. Straw and dirt strewn stone floor. One guard in front of the door. CJ blinked, startled. She could see. She could see!_**

 ** _She was in a cell. One of the holding cells. What was she doing there? CJ turned her head and winced. That hurt. What happened? The fragmented memories began coming together. She'd been hit. Bull had hit her. He'd hit her, knocked her out, and then tied her up._**

 ** _Oh he was going to pay for that. Once she had Tommy back, CJ was going to tear that Qunari a new one._**

 ** _But first she had to get out of this cell. With some careful movements, CJ discovered the leather around her wrists was secure. She wouldn't be able wriggle out of them. Damn it. Did she have any of her weapons? As best she could, CJ checked. No. Double damn it! Bull had gotten them all, and she wasn't wearing any boots so that ruled out the blade she kept hidden there._**

 ** _Gnawing through the leather was an option, but it would take a considerable amount of time and unlikely to go unnoticed. Footsteps brought CJ's eyes back to the cell door._**

 ** _"_** ** _Any movements, Krem?" That was Bull. She shut her eyes and blanked her face. It would do no good to let him know she was awake. He'd just tie her up better this time._**

 ** _"_** ** _Nothing yet, Chief. How hard did you hit her?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I couldn't let her leave, Krem."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Any news on the boy?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Boss called a meeting. I'm heading there now. Keep an eye on her, Krem."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Course I will, Chief. Bring home your boy."_**

 ** _CJ listened to Bull's retreating footsteps. A meeting? She needed to hear what was being said. But how the hell could she get out of this cell?_**

 ** _And then a thought came to her._**

 ** _CJ let out a moan, curling onto her side. "No," She whimpered, as if caught in a bad dream. "Don't touch me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter?" Krem's voice sounded concerned. "Fighter, you all right?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't touch me!" She moaned again, beginning to thrash. "No!"_**

 ** _She continued acting as if she were caught in a nightmare, or a memory._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, calm down," Krem said, and she thrashed violently, her head connecting with the hard floor. Krem swore, and she heard him fumbling with the lock. Good. It was working._**

 ** _"_** ** _No!" She thrashed again. Krem was in the cell now, approaching her carefully._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter, wake up! It's just a dream. You're safe," The moment he crouched down to touch her, CJ acted. Before the armored man could react, CJ had shot up, getting her arms around his neck and squeezing tightly enough to block air-flow, but not enough to crush his windpipe. She wanted him unconscious, not dead. "Fighter," He gasped._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry, Krem." She said softly. "I need to find my son." He tried to peel her off, but CJ was determined to get free. She wrapped herself around him and refused to be budged. He fought hard, but after a minute, he went still._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry." She said again, as she unwound herself from him. Once she had one of his knives out, it was a simple matter to cut through the leather. Krem wouldn't stay unconscious long, and she couldn't risk him sounding the alarm too soon. So, she tied a gag around his mouth and bound his hands semi-loosely. It'd be enough to give him some difficulties at getting free, but not impossible._**

 ** _She then got the keys and locked the cell behind her. It was of little consequence to make it back to her room unnoticed. No one was on the look-out for her, thinking she was locked in the dungeon. CJ found her armor and weapons placed on her bed neatly, and she got dressed quickly. It felt good, being able to see the weapon holsters, the way her leather bracers strapped across her forearms. The bandage around her left hand caused her to frown. Making a decision quickly, she unwrapped the bandages and looked at the slow-to-heal wound. The scar was bright and raised, pulling tight when CJ experimentally clenched her fist. A little pain, but nothing she couldn't handle._**

 ** _A little dexterity had been lost, she noticed as she went through some stretches, but that could be regained with time._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm coming for you, Tommy." She said softly and shouldered her pack. Now, she had to listen in on Talon's meeting._**

 ** _Despite a few close calls with some Inquisition soldiers patrolling the halls, CJ made it to a small, mostly forgotten room located above the war room._**

 ** _"_** ** _-heard anything yet?" Bull's voice._**

 ** _"_** ** _Blackwall's been found in Val Royeax." Leliana._**

 ** _"_** ** _The children?" Josie._**

 ** _"_** ** _Said he left them less than a quarter of a mile from the front gate. They were supposed to head straight back."_**

 ** _CJ was going to kill Blackwall. He left two children alone. In the country side, in the middle of a war. Lia was what, nine?_**

 ** _"_** ** _Did anyone see them? Find any signs of them?" Talon asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _Not so far."_**

 ** _"_** ** _There's no way those two kids could have just disappeared by themselves. There should be signs if they'd wandered off in the wrong direction."_**

 ** _"_** ** _If there were a rock slide, there wouldn't be any sign of the kids." A heavy silence followed Cullen's statement, and CJ swallowed hard._**

 ** _"_** ** _There haven't been any signs of a rock slide in the recent weeks." Leliana finally said._**

 ** _"_** ** _So where did they go? Lia's a bright kid, according to her parents. She'd know not to wander off the path and it's not like you can miss seeing Skyhold. Tommy would have listened to her." Talon exclaimed._**

 ** _Before anyone could answer, there was a banging on the door. CJ tensed, assuming her absence had been noticed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Inquisitor!" A voice called out as the CJ heard the doors open. "Commander Cullen, this just arrived-,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Shit." Bull._**

 ** _"_** ** _Is that," Josie began._**

 ** _"_** ** _Who delivered this?!" Cullen demanded._**

 ** _"_** ** _It came in with the last merchant group. They couldn't give a description of who gave it to them. Just that they were supposed to deliver it here. To the Inquisition."_**

 ** _"_** ** _There's something carved into it." Talon's voice was hard. "But I can't read it."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Put it on the table." A low thud, the sound of wood on wood. CJ wished there was a hole that she could look through!_**

 ** _"_** ** _Can anyone read it?" Josie asked, her voice soft._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's my language. The language of the Qunari." Bull swore again._**

 ** _"_** ** _What's it say?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Come find us where it began. Tick tock, Dearie."_**

 ** _CJ stopped breathing. Blatt. Blatt had Tommy and Lia. She needed to leave. Now._**

 ** _It was only a matter of minutes before CJ was down at the stables, saddling up a horse._**

 ** _"_** ** _Are you going to find the children?" A voice stopped her, and CJ looked over the horse's back. One of the kitchen staff was standing there, wringing her hands nervously. She was a slight elven woman, who looked more tired than CJ'd ever seen her. This was Aria, Lia's mother. "Are you going to bring them home?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes, I am. Both of them." CJ said firmly, and a tear streaked down Aria's face._**

 ** _"_** ** _Thank you."_**

 ** _CJ nodded and hoisted herself up into the saddle._**

 ** _"_** ** _I've got to go." Aria stepped back as CJ nudged the horse into a trot. To leave at a gallop like she wanted to would only draw unwanted attention._**

 ** _"_** ** _I should stop you." She'd just exited the main gate when Solas stepped in front of her horse. CJ was half-tempted to just keep going._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm going to save Lia and my son. If you try to stop me, I'll fight you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _This is a stupid risk." Solas exclaimed and CJ glared at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _So? So was destroying the binding stones that held your friend instead of attacking the creature in the Exalted Plains, but what did I help you do?" She shot at him._**

 ** _He looked at her evenly._**

 ** _"_** ** _What wouldn't you do to save your family, Solas? Your people?" He blinked, and something crossed his face. An emotion that CJ couldn't place._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'd do anything." He said slowly._**

 ** _"_** ** _And that's what I'm doing. Please, I don't want to have to hurt you. Just let me pass."_**

 ** _For a moment, CJ feared she would have to ride over him, but then he stepped to the side._**

 ** _"_** ** _They'll notice your absence before too much longer."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Thank you, Solas." And she clicked her tongue, spurring the horse into motion. Right now, she needed to get as much distance between her and Skyhold as possible as quickly as she could. If Bull found her before she found Tommy, he'd want to send her back to Skyhold wrapped in chains. And CJ would have to fight him._**

 ** _Hours later, she finally let the horse rest while her mind was racing. Come find us where it began. Where what began? Did that mean, Denerim, where Michal had first hired the bastard? Or the farm, CJ's heart lurched at that. The thought of going back to that farm. She hadn't been there in seven years, at least not physically. Her dreams had been much more recent than that. Or did that mean the lake, where the women had been killed? Or did it mean the site of the final camp, where CJ had gotten free? There was no way CJ could check them all alone. There was too much distance between each location. She would need help._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn it."_**

 ** _There was no moon to see by, and rather than risking injuring the horse, CJ stopped for the night. She needed to plan. Wrapped in a blanket and leaning against Chet (what she'd named the horse), she settled down for the night. Which of the places was the most likely option?_**

 ** _Blatt wanted her to find him. There was no doubt about it. So would he have gone to Denerim? But CJ didn't know where he and Michal had first met. Michal may be a bastard, but he was no idiot. He wouldn't have had the mercenaries at his house. No, Denerim was too big for CJ to go and hope that she'd stumble onto their trail. So that was the least likely option. That left three other possibilities. Which was it?_**

 ** _By the time CJ finally managed to sleep, she'd come up with a plan._**

 _ **First thing in the morning, she'd write a letter to Talon, detailing the four possible locations and ask for Inquisition assistance. She'd send that off with the first Inquisition scout she came upon, and then she'd set off. There was a lot of distance to cover between her and her son, and CJ intended on doing it as swiftly as she could. She**_ _ **would**_ _ **save her son.**_


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 35

 ** _CJ raised her head slowly, her eyes just barely clearing the crest of the snow bank she was currently hunkered in. The buildings in front of her were dark in the dawn light. Fresh snow had fallen, covering any footprints that might have been there. She scowled as a puff of wind spurred a small white-out. Winter came early to the Frostback mountains. CJ scanned the buildings carefully, doing her best to push back the memories of the last time she'd been here. It had been spring then. Flowers were budding. The children had been eagerly awaiting the warm summer months. Telling CJ of a small lake that they loved to visit._**

 ** _She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Focus CJ._**

 ** _No signs of movements from any of the buildings. Had she chosen wrong after all?_**

 ** _Moving cautiously, CJ crept forward. The snow muffled her footsteps, but there was no way to hide her tracks. It wasn't long before CJ was pressed up against the wall of the house. She paused to listen. No sounds. CJ slowly worked her way around the house, peering into any window she came across. Nothing. From what she could see, the thick dust inside was undisturbed._**

 ** _CJ shoved back the rising memories. The sight of Billy laying on the floor, painstakingly copying his name in shaky letters. Aaron taking his first halting steps towards CJ, who had been crouching down, holding her arms out to the little boy. Sophie, in the kitchen, teaching CJ how to bake bread. All of CJ's attempts had turned into rocks, and Sophie had laughed._**

 ** _The sound of cloth against wood brought CJ back to the present forcefully. Her daggers were in her hands in an instant, and she crouched down low. Someone was just around the corner. As they turned, CJ lunged forward, tackling the figure. Too small to be Blatt, too large to be either of the children. They went down into the snow, gasping. CJ had them pinned before she even realized who it was._**

 ** _"_** ** _Cole?!" She whispered, staring down into the young man's face. "What the hell are you doing here?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Helping." He answered, in just as soft a voice. "Your pain is bright. Being here hurts. The memories you tried to forget have come back."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Is it just you?" She let him up and brushed the snow from her clothes._**

 ** _"_** ** _Dalish and Rocky are waiting back with the horses. I came because I am quiet. Least noticed."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Have you seen anyone here? Either of the children?"_**

 ** _Before Cole could answer, they heard a thump from inside the house. It was followed by another thump._**

 ** _CJ adjusted her grip on the daggers while moving towards the door. Cole fell into step beside her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Can you sense who's in there?" She asked._**

 ** _"_** ** _Too many memories. Too many voices. Loud. Calling out." Cole shook his head._**

 ** _She nodded in understanding._**

 ** _Another thump, followed by a heavier sound. Something falling? CJ looked at Cole, signaling to be quiet and that she was going to open the door. Cole nodded._**

 ** _Rather than bursting in through the door, CJ opened it slowly, wanting to remain undetected for as long as she could. It swung open silently, loose snow swirling in to settle on the dust._**

 ** _Together, she and Cole entered the house. They were in an open room, what had been used as the family's dining and gathering area. It smelled stale. Abandoned. Cold. There was still blood on the walls. CJ could see the dark stains, seven years old. In her mind, she could see where each of the bodies had fallen that day. Rick had been the first to fall, right inside the door. He'd taken an arrow through the neck. Max, only seven, had been next, as he had been standing beside his father. A heavy axe had cut off his screams. Roan. Josh. Evan. Miley. Russ. Lucas. Aaron. All cut down in these rooms. Sam and Jack had been killed in the kitchen, over-taken as the men scrambled for weapons. The other children had been out in the garden with the women and Jonas. CJ had heard the screams from the barn. She'd come too late. Too slow. Couldn't save them. Couldn't save any of them. Billy and Mikey and Jonas, lying prone among the freshly plowed garden. Sophie and Lia, screaming. Jess, limp, thrown carelessly over the shoulder of one man. Trina, silent and pale, staring at the bodies of her son and husband, horror etched on her face. Mazy, a cut across her cheek, fighting against the hold of a large man clad in heavy armor. Eight men with weapons raised. Surrounding her._**

 ** _CJ didn't have her weapons. Only had the axe she'd been using to chop wood. Not good enough. Can't save them. Too late. Too weak. Pathetic. Hands around her throat, squeezing. Can't breathe! Can't get away! Can't breathe!_**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ!"_**

 ** _CJ blinked. She was back in the house. Those who had lived here were long dead. Gone. But Lia and Tommy were not. Cole was in front of her, a hand on her shoulder._**

 ** _"_** ** _So much pain. So much hurt. How can I help?" He was looking at her anxiously. "It's so bright and hot and sharp. Tell me, CJ,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _We don't have time for this." CJ said, shaking her head. "We need to find the children."_**

 ** _Cole frowned at her, but CJ ignored it._**

 ** _"_** ** _We need to find the children." She said again._**

 ** _Another thump sounded out and both fighters turned towards it. It came from a room off the main area. The nursery, her mind corrected instantly._**

 ** _Moving cautiously, they approached the door. Now, CJ could hear muffled crying. The kids! She made a gesture to Cole, indication that she would go first. He nodded._**

 ** _CJ opened the door quickly and with force, to surprise anyone who was right on the other side, but kept the knob gripped so it didn't slam against the wall. At first, it looked like the room was empty, beds overturned, frames broken. Toys, in pieces, lay where they'd been discarded when their owners had been slaughtered._**

 ** _A stuffed bear, its' fur long since matted and dried with blood._**

 ** _CJ stared at that bear, but then a sound caught her attention._**

 ** _There. Coming from the closet was another thump._**

 ** _CJ crossed the room in four strides and threw the door open._**

 ** _Hands bound, mouth gagged, Lia lay frozen in fear. The girl had been kicking at one of the walls. Light and wisps of snow had begun to filter through the crack she'd made._**

 ** _As recognition began to cut through the panic in her mind, tears began to leak down Lia's already tear-streaked cheeks._**

 ** _"_** ** _You're safe now," CJ whispered, freeing the girl from her bonds with quick knife movements. "You're safe, Lia."_**

 ** _As soon as the girl was free, she latched onto CJ, crying silently. Shaking._**

 ** _CJ hugged her back, careful of any wounds the girl might have._**

 ** _"_** ** _Where's Tommy" She asked as Lia continued to cry. "Lia, where's Tommy?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Barn. Monster took him to barn." She whispered, barely audible. "Scary monster."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Take her to Dalish." CJ instructed, gently peeling the girl from her neck and handing her to Cole. The young man blinked when Lia wrapped herself around him, but held her securely. "Make sure she gets warm."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Will you wait for me to return?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I can't, Cole." CJ shook her head. "He's got Tommy."_**

 ** _An emotion crossed Cole's face. Sadness._**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't destroy yourself for revenge."_**

 _ **She met his gaze. "For Tommy, I'd do anything. Take care of Lia."**_


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 36

 **** ** _It was dark in the barn. Rather than going in through the main door where she could now see a path had been made through the deep snow, she'd climbed up into the loft, where Jack and Max had painstakingly stored barrels of grain for the winter months, hay for the horses and cows, and where Billy had been starting a rock collection. Now, there was nothing there but dust. The animals long since gone._**

 **** ** _A sharp sound caught CJ's attention, forcing her into movement._**

 ** _"_** ** _Let go!" Tommy's voice was high in pain and fear. The sound cut CJ to the quick. "Let go!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Shut it, brat!" A slap was followed by Tommy's yelp of pain. It took all of CJ's self-control not to vault out of the loft rashly. No doubt Blatt had traps lain, and she would help no one if she got caught in one of them. Blatt would pay for everything he'd done. He would not escape this time._**

 **** ** _CJ approached the edge cautiously, looking for any trip wires._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama!" Tommy yelled. "Mama, help me!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Your mama's not going to be helping anyone anymore." Blatt retorted. "She's coming for you. Heard signs of her in the village. But she's going to be too late." A scratch, like a tinder box, and then CJ could smell smoke._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama's gonna get you." CJ felt pride at the defiant tone of Tommy's voice. "She's gonna kill you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _The only thing your mama's gonna do is listen to you burn."_**

 **** ** _And then Tommy began to scream in fear._**

 **** ** _All thoughts of stealth flew from CJ's mind. She dropped down from the loft, intending to use a stack of barrels as stairs. They broke under her weight, and she fell, landing hard and going down on one knee. But then she was up and moving towards the sounds of her son's screams. The noise of the barrels had no doubt warned Blatt, but she didn't care. CJ was focused on reaching her son. It took her less than a minute to reach the back of the barn, but already smoke was beginning to thicken the air._**

 **** ** _There was Tommy, his eyes wide with fright, screaming. He was tied to one of the support beams of the barn, hay and sticks heaped beneath him. There were small flames licking at the edge of the heap. It wouldn't be long before the entire thing went up._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tommy!" The name escaped her before CJ could stop it. She rushed forward, solely focused on reaching Tommy and freeing him before the flames reached the child._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama, behind you!" CJ dodged left, and Blatt's battle-axe struck the ground, hard enough to embed itself in the dirt. CJ lashed out with her dagger, catching him across the leg. He swore, but CJ kept moving forward. She kicked the sticks that were burning away from Tommy, not looking to see where they were flung._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama's got you, baby." She said, cutting his bonds easily._**

 ** _"_** ** _Look out!" Tommy cried, and she grabbed him, twirling to the side and avoiding Blatt's next blow. She stumbled back, holding the child to her. Blatt's features were twisted in anger. At least, the skin that wasn't pulled tight by nasty looking burns. He must have gotten those from the explosion at Suledin Keep._**

 ** _"_** ** _So you came, Dearie?" He gave her a fierce grin. CJ was glancing around, trying to find where she could put Tommy to keep him out of the fight. "Cutting it a bit close, huh?" He rushed toward her, but CJ could see his gait was off. Something was making him list to the right. She saw an opening and dodged around the lumbering Qunari. He was moving slower than he had before. She was trying to make it to the door._**

 **** ** _But the flames were quicker. The sticks she had kicked before had struck the side of the barn. Where the dry wood lit up like it had been dipped in oil. They spread along the length of the barn faster than CJ could run. She skidded to a stop, swearing._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama," Tommy whimpered, burying his head into her shoulder. She hugged him tighter as the smoke began to get thicker._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll get you out of here. I promise." Could she force the doors open? No, they were designed to swing out. No doubt there were snow drifts four or five feet deep against them. She wouldn't be able to push through the snow._**

 ** _"_** ** _Whatcha gonna do now, Dearie?" Blatt called, and coughed._**

 **** ** _Where could she put Tommy where he'd be safe? The best place would be outside the burning building. But how to get him there? He didn't have his wooden leg anymore. What had happened to it? Had Blatt taken it to prevent the boy from running? Either way, he couldn't walk now. CJ glanced upwards. The loft had yet to really catch fire, but it was close. The door up there was still an escape option. Blatt was limping towards her, his leg bleeding freely. CJ was near the ladder to the loft. Flames were beginning to lick at the bottom rungs._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hold on tight, Tommy." The boy locked his arms around her neck, and CJ scaled it quickly. Blatt yelled in anger, slashing at her wildly. The smoke was thicker up here, Tommy began to cough. The heat was getting more intense as the fire spread._**

 **** ** _Blatt tried following CJ up the ladder, but it broke under his weight. He yelled again, but CJ didn't understand his words. The floor beneath her was already warping, the boards starting to twist and groan. CJ's eyes were burning from the smoke, tears beginning to run down her cheeks, but she pressed forward. Flames were climbing the wall just behind her, deep shades of orange and red._**

 **** ** _Unexpectedly, Blatt's battle axe was thrust up through the floor directly in front of CJ. She swore, back-pedaling. It was yanked back down, taking a chunk of floor with it. Blatt thrust his axe again, and CJ had to jump to avoid the sharp blade._**

 ** _'_** ** _Stupid giant Qunari!' She thought angrily. 'If he weren't seven feet tall, he wouldn't be able to do that!' She had to avoid another axe thrust. The smoke was a lot thicker now, and her lungs began to ache. If she didn't get them out of there soon, Tommy would be seriously injured by the smoke._**

 **** ** _The loft wasn't very wide, maybe nine or ten feet, though it ran the length of the barn. The three-now four holes Blatt had put in the floor was weakening it. She could feel it beginning to bow beneath her feet. Blatt had now created a gap in the floor between CJ and the door. Maybe two feet wide and working on making it larger._**

 **** ** _CJ took a couple steps back and then made a running leap. Blatt's hand grabbed her ankle just as she cleared it, and yanked. CJ hit the floor of the loft hard, Tommy being jarred loose from her with a yelp. She scrabbled to find something, anything, that she could use as leverage, to keep Blatt from pulling her over the edge._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tommy, get out!" She yelled as the boy began to sob. The door was open. Cold wind was blowing in. "Get out of here!"_**

 **** ** _Blatt was trying to get both hands on her ankle, but it was an odd angle for him and CJ was kicking like mad, trying to break free._**

 **** ** _How deep was the snow outside? Three feet? Four? Maybe even five? Would that be deep enough for Tommy to survive a fall? Tommy was pulling at her hand, trying to help her, but the small boy's weight had no effect._**

 **** ** _She couldn't let Tommy get stuck in here. He would not die like this._**

 ** _"_** ** _I love you, Tommy." She said, and gripped his shirt firmly. His eyes, watering and red from his sobs and the smoke locked on to hers. CJ's heart broke at the confusion and fear she saw._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama?" She shoved him backward with all her strength. The door was only six feet behind him. "MAMA!" He screamed as he tumbled backwards. CJ saw him disappear over the edge as Blatt got a good enough hold and yanked her down from the loft._**

 **** ** _CJ landed hard, the breath knocked out of her, but directed a kick at Blatt's injured leg. He didn't react quick enough, and he went down on one knee. CJ was up in an instant, weapons in hand, ready to fight. Fire was all around them. The roar of the flames was blocking all other sounds. Please, let Tommy be all right!_**

 **** ** _Blatt snarled at her as he hauled himself up. She had to end this quick, or they'd both die here. He swung at her with his axe, and she ducked, slashing at the undersides of his arms, where the leather armor he was wearing didn't cover very well. She missed and had to throw herself backwards to avoid his counter-swing._**

 **** ** _She kept dodging, using her agility to avoid his weapon as she looked for an opening. Instead of hitting her, Blatt kept connecting with beams. Or boards. They were still under the loft, the pens for the pigs and goat were here. The walls were low, only a couple feet, and CJ was using every single tactic she knew to stay ahead of him. She moved from pen to pen, and he followed, hacking his way through any obstacle that came in his path._**

 **** ** _Blatt was getting more and more angry with each swing. His stance got more careless as he focused on putting more power and less control into his attacks. One swing, if it would have hit CJ, no doubt would have taken off a limb. She had ducked, and it had gone over head, missing by less than an inch. Instead, it sliced through a beam._**

 **** ** _CJ's foot caught on a broken board, and she fell backwards, swearing. As she hit the ground, her daggers were jarred from her hands._**

 **** ** _Blatt was on her before she could regain her footing. His grin was manic as he pinned her to the ground, weapon lain forgotten as he wrapped a hand around her throat._**

 **** ** _CJ clawed frantically at the Qunari's hand, but it was like a vice. Squeezing tighter. She couldn't breathe! It was pointless to try to reach for Blatt's face, his arm was too long. Instead, she tried reaching one of her daggers. It was just out of her reach, and CJ desperately tried twisting this way and that, stretching to get it._**

 **** ** _Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, her lungs screaming for air. Her vision was starting to dim._**

 ** _"_** ** _Come on, CJ! You're going to love the lake!" Billy. But Billy was dead. Wasn't he?_**

 **** ** _Laughter. "Me first! Me first! Roan, Mama said I got to go first!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're just a little kid, Miley! You can't play with us!"_**

 **** ** _CJ's reaching fingers brushed the hilt of her dagger. That brought awareness back. She gripped it firmly and stabbed it deep into Blatt's arm, twisting it as she did so, severing muscles and tendons._**

 **** ** _He roared with anger and pain, pulling his arm back. CJ rolled, coughing and gasping, sucking oxygen back into her starved lungs. Or at least she was trying to. The air was so thick with smoke. Blatt reached for her again, grasping her kicking legs. He was pulling her back, and CJ was all but helpless to stop him._**

 **** ** _A crack sounded out, louder than even the sounds of the fire. CJ looked up as Blatt flipped her onto her back. The roof. The roof was caving in._**

 _ **Her world went black.**_


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 37

 ** _"_** ** _Mama!"_**

 **** ** _CJ was barely aware of the voice. Everything around her was dark. Something was pressing down on her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ!"_**

 **** ** _What the hell happened? She couldn't remember._**

 **** ** _She opened her eyes. Or thought she did. Everything was black. Very consciously, CJ closed her eyes and then opened them again. Still black. Had she lost her sight again? Terror shot through her, and CJ fought it down. Her heart was racing, and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. That brought the smell of smoke. And some pain._**

 **** ** _Smoke? Why was there smoke?_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama!"_**

 **** ** _She closed her eyes again. Took another deep breath. Counted to twenty and took another deep breath. And then she opened her eyes again. Blatt's face was inches from her own. CJ started. He was the weight that was pressing down on her. And he was dead. Very dead. A shard of wood was pierced through his throat._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ!" She didn't respond. "CJ, can you hear me?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _MAMA!" Tommy. Tommy's voice, calling for her. He'd been falling. CJ blinked again as her memories pieced themselves together. "MAMA!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Tommy," Her voice came out hoarse. Weak. But she was alive. There was rubble all around. Bits of the burned barn. CJ was staring up at the sky. Stars were out. It was night. How long had she been out? Hours, apparently._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ?" That was Cole. "CJ, can you hear me?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ?" Dalish._**

 ** _"_** ** _Here," Her voice cracked. She couldn't get any louder. Instead, she began to struggle, trying to slide out from under Blatt's weight. It was slow going, but at last, she was free. All of her limbs seemed to be working. Weakly, she got to her feet. CJ was wobbly, but she stayed upright._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama! Answer!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Tommy," She took a staggering step forward and almost went down. She caught herself on a charred piece of wood. It was still warm, but it seemed like most of the fire had gone out. "Tommy," She said again, taking another step. "Tommy!" Her voice was louder now. "Tommy!" She reached the outer wall, and tripped, falling face first into a snow drift._**

 **** ** _Hands were there in moments, helping her up and out._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ, thank Andraste." That was Rocky. "Bull would have killed us if you didn't come back. I really mean kill us. Stone dead. And not nicely, either."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Glad to help you avoid death." CJ croaked. "Where's Tommy?" Standing was too much of an effort, so she sank down into the snow. The cold felt good on her suddenly hot skin._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama!" She saw Cole approaching, carrying the child who was frantic to reach her. "Mama!" Lia and Dalish were right behind Cole, Lia fighting through the snow as fast as her legs would carry her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tommy," The boy practically fell into CJ's arms, clinging to her and crying. "Shh, baby, I've got you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You are insane." Dalish said bluntly as Lia crashed into CJ, hugging both her and Tommy._**

 ** _"_** ** _I've known that for a long time, Dalish." CJ gave them a tired smile._**

 ** _"_** ** _What of the Qunari?" Rocky questioned, looking back at the remains of the barn. "Is he gonna come stumbling out of the ashes like you did?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _He's dead." CJ said firmly. "It's over." She hugged the children. "It's over."_**

 ** _"_** ** _We've got camp set up." Dalish said. "Come on."_**

 **** ** _The children weren't too keen on letting go of CJ, so she walked with Tommy in one arm and holding Lia's hand with the other. Cole walked directly behind her, she suspected so he would be able to catch her if she pitched over backwards without warning._**

 **** ** _It wasn't more than a quarter of a mile, but CJ was exhausted by the time they finally reached it. She sank down tiredly, Tommy settling onto her lap and Lia pressing in to her side. Blankets were draped over the three of them. She let out a harsh cough, wincing as her lungs hurt._**

 ** _"_** ** _Are the kids all right?" She questioned as the others moved around, preparing things for the night. Lia was falling asleep, and Tommy was coughing._**

 ** _"_** ** _Some bumps and bruises. Scared as hell. In need of some good food and care, but other than that, they'll survive. Tommy's cough will be sticking around for a while. As will yours. Smoke doesn't do lungs any good." Dalish listed off. "What about you? How badly are you injured?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Nothing bad." CJ shrugged. "My chest hurts some, and I've probably got some bruises. But they'll heal."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You were lucky, fighter." Rocky exclaimed, bringing over some water. CJ drank eagerly. She'd had a couple of mouthfuls of snow, but she was still thirsty. Tommy accepted a drink but then burrowed back into CJ, one hand clutching her shirt tightly, the other firmly corked into his mouth as he sucked on his thumb. He hadn't done that before. "Damn lucky. That barn burned down around your ears, and you made it through without a single scorch."_**

 ** _"_** ** _All my scorches are on the inside. Just can't see 'em." She coughed again._**

 ** _"_** ** _We'll head home tomorrow." Dalish said as Cole sat next to CJ. "There are a lot of people pretty eager to see you all."_**

 **** ** _CJ looked in to the fire. "How upset was Bull? When he found out I was gone?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Ripped the door off the cell. And then destroyed one of the tables in the dining hall when no one was able to say when you were last seen."_**

 ** _"_** ** _He was worried." Cole commented._**

 ** _"_** ** _I thought he was going to snap Solas in two when he finally admitted to seeing you leave." Rocky said._**

 **** ** _CJ sighed, and looked down at Tommy. The boy had fallen asleep. She could handle Bull's anger. She'd face anything for her son. It was worth it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Is Krem ok?" She asked. "I didn't hurt him, did I?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Hurt his pride pretty deeply," Dalish snorted. "He's not going to be living that down for a long time! Knocked out by an unarmed and bound captive? That's hilarious!"_**

 **** ** _CJ smiled. "I bet he's not taking too kindly to your amusement."_**

 **** ** _Dalish shrugged. "Serves him right for falling for your tricks. You're a crafty one, Fighter. You and Bull make quite a pair."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn right we do!" They all laughed._**

 **** ** _The trip back to Skyhold was slow, the two children were unused to riding for long periods of time. Not to mention that all of the horses were much too large for them anyways. Chet tolerated the children pulling on his mane with grace. He was a good horse. CJ would make sure he was well taken care of once they got home._**

 **** ** _As they traveled, the others filled CJ in on all that she had missed._**

 **** ** _Blackwall's real name was Rainer. Thom Rainer. Who was not a Grey Warden. Who had been a captain in the Orlesian army and accused of treason when he accepted a bribe to take out one of Celene's allies. But they didn't just take out the ally. They took out his whole family._**

 **** ** _CJ frowned as she'd heard that. Blackwall had lied to them all. She was going to have a long talk with the man. If Talon hadn't cast him out of Skyhold or sentenced him to death. She wasn't sure how she would have dealt with it if the decision rested with her. Though, right now, she was not exactly unbiased towards the man. His actions had enabled Tommy to be kidnapped. Yes, she and Blackwall needed to have a very long talk. Maybe involving a dagger or two._**

 **** ** _They were maybe a day out of Skyhold when they crested a hill and came upon an army marching out._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fighter!" Sera called out in delight, waving an arm. "You're back!"_**

 **** ** _Their small group was quickly engulfed by the army, being ushered through towards where Talon and Cullen were waiting._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama! Da!" Lia called, catching sight of her parents. The girl was off the horse and rushing forward even before CJ could stop Chet._**

 ** _"_** ** _Lia!" Aria yelled, dropping to her knees to embrace her daughter. Her husband was right beside her. CJ couldn't help but smile as the family was reunited. She was happy this had turned out all right._**

 ** _"_** ** _Da!" Tommy's delighted yell sounded out right before he and CJ were grabbed in a tight embrace. She was hauled off Chet by Iron Bull._**

 ** _"_** ** _Bull," She began, trying to turn her head to look at him. But he was holding her at the wrong angle. Tommy was talking excitedly._**

 ** _"_** ** _You two are coming with me." He said sternly, and marched off, still carrying them._**

 _ **Yup. He was upset. Great.**_


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 38

 ** _"_** ** _Bull, let me go." CJ was struggling as Bull kept walking. He hadn't said anything for a few minutes. Just kept walking. They'd left the main body of the army by now. "I can walk. Let me go."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No."_**

 ** _Well that was progress, CJ supposed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Bull, I know you're mad, but really, I can walk."_**

 ** _"_** ** _No." He said again, and CJ sighed. Just bear with it, she thought. He was upset, understandably so. If their positions had been reversed, she honestly would have attacked him by now for scaring her._**

 ** _They reached a clearing surrounded by a small cluster of trees, and Iron Bull set her down. It was clear he'd set this up before they'd arrived. There were a couple blankets rolled up near a ring of stones._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sit." He ordered, pointing to a stump. CJ bristled a little at that, but sat down without protesting. She and Tommy watched as Bull moved around the clearing, gathering sticks to build a fire._**

 ** _Once the flames were dancing brightly and the blankets unrolled, Iron Bull approached them again. He knelt in front of CJ and held his hands out to Tommy after placing his sword beside him._**

 ** _The boy went into Bull's arms eagerly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Tell me what happened." He said, looking the small boy over. "I want to hear everything."_**

 ** _As Tommy talked, Bull carefully inspected him for any signs of injuries. He made Tommy wiggle his fingers and toes, bend joints, made him follow his finger with his eyes. Most of the cuts had been small, and were mostly healed. Tommy obeyed each task without protest._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm sorry, Da," Tommy's voice dropped as he hugged Bull tightly. His voice became muffled._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sorry? For what?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Getting taken." Tommy answered. "'m s'pposed to be a fighter, 'n I failed."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You didn't fail, little man." Bull's voice was gentle as he hugged the boy. CJ swallowed hard at the sight of them. Tommy looked so small in Bull's arms. So tiny, this little five year old child being held in this big qunari's arms. Her family. CJ's heart twisted. Her family, whom she'd almost lost. But Blatt would never threaten them again. Once this damn war was over, she wouldn't be leaving Tommy's side until the boy was twenty. At least. "You're just a kid. You did the best you could. I am very proud of you." They sat that way in silence, Bull holding Tommy, and CJ watching them, until Tommy fell asleep._**

 ** _"_** ** _So, uh, I hear that you owe the inquisition another table." CJ grimaced. That was lame. A very lame attempt at humor._**

 ** _Bull turned his gaze on CJ. "And you." He began, still holding Tommy. "What in the hell were you thinking?" His voice didn't grow any louder, but CJ could hear the anger in it._**

 ** _"_** ** _I was thinking I needed to save my son." She answered, meeting his gaze evenly. "I'm sorry for worrying you,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Worry-," Bull spluttered. "You're sorry for_** ** _worrying_** ** _me?! Is that all you have to say to me? This was by far the most idiotic and selfish thing you have ever done! How could you do that to me? To the inquisition? How could you be so selfish?"_**

 ** _CJ had been intending to take whatever rant Iron Bull threw at her in silence. But that plan was quickly derailed when he called her selfish._**

 ** _"_** ** _Selfish?" She retorted. "So it's selfish of me to save my son when it was my fault he was in danger in the first place?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes!" He exclaimed. "It was selfish! The most selfish act I've ever seen!"_**

 ** _Now she was getting mad._**

 ** _"_** ** _How was that selfish?!" She demanded. "I had to save Tommy, and you as sure as hell weren't going to help!"_**

 ** _Bull's face darkened and he very carefully set the sleeping boy on one of the blankets beside the fire._**

 ** _"_** ** _If you would have given me the chance," He began, standing up. CJ stood up as well, glaring at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _Given you the chance?" She scoffed. "You mean like you gave me? By not telling me that Tommy was even missing?! I had to find out from Sera, a day later than you! If anyone is selfish, it was you!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I did that to protect you,"_**

 ** _CJ cut him off with a disgusted laugh. "To protect me? Really? Protect me from what? It is not your job to protect me!" His face turned stony._**

 ** _"_** ** _Fight me." That caught CJ off guard for a moment._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?" She shook her head. "I'm not going to fight you, Bull."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fight me." He picked up his sword. "Fight me, CJ."_**

 ** _It was the use of her name that did it, really. He hadn't called her by her name in a very long time. Fine. If he wanted a fight, then the thick-headed stubborn qunari was going to get one!_**

 ** _"_** ** _Fine." She unsheathed her weapons and shot him a cocky look. "Fight me, The Iron Bull."_**

 ** _The fight was fierce. Both of them were going all out. At the first clash of weapons, Tommy had moaned, and they'd froze. CJ looked at Tommy and then back at Bull. His face was still like stone. Wordlessly, she dropped her daggers and held up her fists. Bull nodded shortly, and dropped his sword. They'd fight silently now. As to not wake the child._**

 ** _They fought, throwing punches and kicks, dodging and twisting and turning. Trying to trip the other up. CJ stumbled and Bull landed a punch that sent her skidding back six feet, almost going head over heels. She gasped both in pain and trying to catch her breath as Bull pinned her to the ground._**

 ** _"_** ** _You locked me in a cell." She exclaimed. She could taste blood and turned her head to the side and spit. "You tied me up and locked me in a cell."_**

 ** _"_** ** _To protect you." He looked relatively unharmed from their fistfight, though he did have a streak of blood trailing from a split lip. "You couldn't have won,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _But I did!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You should have waited for me! To come back after the meeting! Said that you were awake when I checked on you. If I'd known you had your sight back,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What would you have done," CJ twisted, trying to break free, but his grip was firm. "If I'd said I could see? Would you have let me out of the cell? Let me go with?"_**

 ** _He didn't say anything. He was silent. No, of course he wouldn't have. He would have made absolute damn sure that she would stay in that cell until he got back. CJ growled._**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't get to decide what battles I do and do not fight, Bull!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _The hell I don't!" He retorted. "You are my Kadan,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _And you are mine!" CJ glared at him. "You are my Kadan, but I would never keep you from your fight!"_**

 ** _Bull stiffened._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?" His voice was even._**

 ** _CJ blinked at the sudden change. "What do you mean, what?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What did you just say?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'd never keep you from your fight," She repeated, but he growled._**

 ** _"_** ** _Not that," He let her sit up, only to take her by her shoulders. "Before."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You're mine." She said. "You are my Kadan."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Say that again." His voice softened._**

 ** _"_** ** _You are my Kadan."_**

 ** _He pulled her to him in a tight hug. "I thought I'd lost you." He exclaimed. "Thought I'd lost you and the last thing I said to you was that you were useless. I would have lost you and Tommy both, and our last conversation was a fight. The last thing you would have heard from me was 'useless'. Not 'Be safe.' Or 'Good luck'. Or 'I love you'. But useless." His grip tightened, and CJ hugged him back. Wrapping her arms around him as far as she could._**

 ** _Her anger was fading quickly. How could she stay angry when she could feel him shaking?_**

 ** _"_** ** _You could have died." He said. "And I wasn't there to help you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _We could die at any time in this damn war." She answered. "Hell, just tripping and landing the wrong way can kill a person. If I'd died, at least,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Katoh."_**

 ** _CJ stopped abruptly at that. The watchword. She'd said it twice in the time they'd spent together. He never had._**

 ** _"_** ** _Katoh," He said again. "I can't. I won't lose you. We can leave. Just walk away. Take Tommy and walk away. Right now."_**

 ** _CJ laughed softly._**

 ** _"_** ** _What?" He demanded._**

 ** _"_** ** _The inquisition would fall apart without us." She tilted her head back and kissed his jaw. "Talon wouldn't know what to do."_**

 ** _"_** ** _He'd manage." He bent his head down to kiss her gently._**

 ** _"_** ** _You'd never leave your men behind."_**

 ** _"_** ** _They could come with."_**

 ** _"_** ** _So we'd be depriving Talon of us and the Chargers? Wouldn't that be too cruel?"_**

 ** _Bull sighed. "Responsibilities are annoying." He kissed her again._**

 ** _"_** ** _The war won't last forever."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And we both will be there to see the end of it, won't we, Kadan?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _I certainly plan on it."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You'd better do a whole hell of a lot better than 'plan' on it." He exclaimed. "You_** ** _will_** ** _survive this war."_**

 ** _CJ hugged him a final time, and then moved to stand up. Bull allowed her to do so, but then took her arm, preventing her from walking away. He tilted her chin, having caught sight of the fading bruises around her throat._**

 ** _At once, a dark anger covered his face, his eye narrowing._**

 ** _CJ remained still as Bull took a deep breath, obviously trying to keep control of his temper._**

 ** _"_** ** _He's dead?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Very." CJ confirmed, and Bull placed his hand over the marks. His hand was different than Blatt's. It was familiar, and warm. She did not fear his touch. His touch was gentle as he ran a thumb along her jaw._**

 ** _He inspected her face closely, and slowly, the anger faded. CJ suspected he was just burying it. To be released the next time he had an enemy in front of him._**

 ** _"_** ** _I should chain you to my side." He finally said, releasing her and standing up._**

 ** _"_** ** _Might be a bit difficult to fight that way." CJ smiled up at him. They walked back towards the fire._**

 ** _"_** ** _We'd manage." He answered. "You're pretty short. I can just swing my sword over you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Of course then I'd be the first target for those who want to attack you. And I can't dodge so well when I'm chained to a four hundred pound weight."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Are you taking a shot at my weight, Kadan? Saying I'm fat?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Well, Varric did describe you pretty well in his book," She began, grinning at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _If Tommy weren't sleeping just a couple feet away, I'd make you pay for that, Kadan." He growled, and CJ laughed as she sat down. Bull settled next to her, and she leaned in to him._**

 ** _"_** ** _I love your body, Bull. All of it." He put his arm around her, pulling her closer. "I wouldn't change a thing."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Where else did you get injured?" He asked after a minute._**

 ** _CJ stared into the flames, considering how to answer that. "All of my physical injuries have pretty much healed." She finally answered. "Mainly just bruises to heal now."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And what about non-physical?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It was hard, going back there." She began to speak slowly. "To see that farm again. Especially knowing that it was my fault they all died. Before the Winter Palace, I'd thought it was just a terrible coincidence that that mercenary band had decided to attack that farmstead. But no, it wasn't. They were there because of_** ** _me_** ** _. If I hadn't decided to stay there, they would be alive. Twenty people. Nine children. Most of them, barely older than Tommy."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You can't take that, Kadan." Bull said. "You can't take that all on yourself. You'll go insane."_**

 ** _"_** ** _But I'm not wrong, Bull." She answered stubbornly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Say you hadn't been at the farm. You'd just passed through, not staying. Do you think those mercenaries would have been above torturing children for information on you? Which way you went? Anything? Because I don't. Yeah, it sucks that they're dead. Kids are always innocent victims in any fight, and it'll break your heart every time you lose one. But at least this way, their deaths were swift." His arm tightened around her. "It is not your fault they died. That responsibility rests solely with the bastards who killed them. And your terrible father. And they've all gotten their just rewards. It is_** ** _not_** ** _your fault."_**

 ** _CJ didn't answer._**

 ** _"_** ** _I know you don't believe me right now. But give yourself time, and you'll accept it. Until then, I will be there, reminding you when your misplaced guilt is trying to win."_**

 ** _CJ turned her face into Bull's side, knowing he was going to be able to feel the tears, but unable to stop them. For the first time in a very long time, she let herself cry. Cry for men who had died with no weapons in their hands, but fighting all the same. For the women who fought back after they'd been broken. For the children, whose lives were ended much too suddenly. And for herself. She'd been eighteen when the farm was attacked. Her birthday had been a week before. Sophie had made a cake. The first birthday cake CJ had ever had._**

 ** _Bull just held her, not saying a word, as she cried. CJ had never loved him more for that. As the tears began to slow, she began to talk. She told him about Sophie and her disastrous bread-making lessons. About how Max had taught her how to spilt a log with one chop. How she'd been teaching Billy and Roan how to read._**

 ** _The memories hurt. Oh, how they hurt, but as she continued to talk, her voice muffled by Iron Bull's skin (as she had yet to turn away from his side), the happiness she had felt during those memories began to come back. It didn't take any of the pain away, but it did dull the sharpness a bit._**

 ** _CJ talked well into the night, and Bull let her. He made encouraging noises, and rubbed a hand across her back in small circles, and let her talk._**

 ** _Finally, she fell silent. She sat there, breathing in Bull's scent. The smell of dirt and grass and_** ** _him_** ** _. She felt the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed slowly and evenly. Could feel the warmth of his skin, seeping in to hers._**

 ** _"_** ** _I love you, The Iron Bull."_**

 _ **"**_ _ **I love you too, Kadan."**_


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I simply am borrowing them to satisfy my muse.

Chapter 39

 ** _CJ didn't remember falling asleep, but as she opened her eyes and saw the early morning light, she knew she must have slept. She was lying beside Iron Bull, her head resting on his chest. Every breath caused her to move, and she could hear the beat of his heart. Strong and steady, just like he was. A movement on her stomach caught her attention. Glancing down, she saw Tommy sleeping soundly, his head pillowed on her stomach, one hand clutching her shirt. His lower half was flopped across Iron Bull, his other hand holding on to a strap of his armor._**

 ** _CJ smiled. That couldn't be comfortable, with his head resting lower than his legs, but he was apparently sleeping deeply._**

 ** _"_** ** _Took him almost fifteen minutes to get situated so he could lay on both of us." Bull's voice rumbled in her ear. "Told him that it'd probably be more comfortable flipped the other way, but he refused. Said he wanted to use his mama as a pillow. And then when I moved, he grabbed hold of my armor. Said I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. Bossy little squirt. Just like his Mama."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I am not bossy." CJ murmured. "Just stubborn when I know I'm right."_**

 ** _Bull snorted. "You are bossy, Kadan. But that's all right. I like bossy."_**

 ** _It was CJ's turn to snort. "You like a lot of things, Bull. To date, I've found there's very little you don't like."_**

 ** _"_** ** _There's lots of things I don't like." He retorted. "I just like a lot of things about you." CJ raised an eyebrow at him._**

 ** _"_** ** _That's a cop-out, The Iron Bull."_**

 ** _He grinned at her. "But it's the truth."_**

 ** _Tommy murmured and shifted his hold on Bull's armor._**

 ** _"_** ** _That can't be comfortable." CJ mused, looking at the boy. "He's practically upside down."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Using you as a pillow, I'd sleep like the dead."_**

 ** _CJ smiled. "You are a flirt."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Indeed."_**

 ** _Tommy shifted again, and his face crinkled as he began to wake up. "Mama," He whimpered, and CJ ran a gentle hand over his hair, smoothing it._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm here, Tommy." She said softly._**

 ** _"_** ** _How's he doing?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _He's been having nightmares." CJ answered. "And sucking his thumb."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Did the bastard hurt him? Or the girl?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Scared the hell out of them, some bumps and bruises, but nothing like he could have done."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Small favors."_**

 ** _Tommy groaned, a small hand coming up to rub at his eyes as he released his hold on CJ's shirt. Slowly, he blinked in the early morning light, squinting. His face scrunched up, and then he yawned._**

 ** _"_** ** _Good morning, Tommy." CJ greeted the small boy, who gave her a sleepy grin. He pushed himself into a sitting position, Bull raising a large hand to steady the boy as Tommy sat on his stomach._**

 _ **"**_ _ **Morning Mama. And Da." He grinned again, his hair tousled from sleep. He was adorable. As CJ looked between them, she decided that she could easily get used to this. Waking up in Bull's arms, Tommy cuddled with them. Her family. And that thought was followed by a surge of resolution. She wasn't going to lose them.**_

 _ **CJ sighed and stretched, groaning as her back cracked. "So where's the army headed?" She asked as she ran a hand through her spiky hair.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Arbor Wilds." He answered.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **What's there?"**_

 _ **He shrugged, and CJ scoffed.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Like you really don't know, Bull?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "Are your Ben-Hassrath skills failing you in your old age?"**_

 _ **Bull grinned and caught her chin in his hand. He pulled her down to him and kissed her soundly. CJ grinned against his lips.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **That's what I wanted to do, the last time you told me that." He said, and kissed her again. "Wanted to kiss you right then and there even if the entire army was watching."**_

 _ **Tommy made a gagging noise, and they looked at him. He was still sitting on Bull's stomach, and currently had his small face scrunched up into a disgusted look.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **What, little man?"**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Kissing is gross!" He exclaimed.**_

 _ **CJ laughed and grabbed the boy, pulling him to her. "Kissing is gross, is it?" She demanded, and proceeded to kiss him wetly on the cheek. Tommy squealed and wiggled in her arms, giggling, trying to escape. She kissed his other cheek and then his forehead, Tommy giggling all the while. She didn't release him until they were both breathless from laughter.**_

 _ **"**_ _ **Kissing still gross, Mama!"**_

 ** _CJ didn't want to leave Tommy. But as the army was packing up camp, preparing to march out, she knew that she had to make a decision. She could escort Tommy back to Skyhold, but that would put her at least three days behind the Inquisition. Or, she could leave the boy in one of the scouts' care and they could bring Tommy home. She was torn. She knew what Bull wanted her to do. To take Tommy to Skyhold and stay there. As CJ looked over the soldiers who were tearing down the tents and packing them tightly into bags, how could she? How could she stand aside while these men and women marched into danger? How many children had been left behind by fathers or mothers, older sisters and brothers, who were leaving to fight an ancient evil. These brave people who might never come back._**

 ** _How could CJ give less than what the soldiers were asked to give? She would never be able to look another soldier in the eye. No, she'd have to go._**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama?" CJ turned at the sound of Tommy's voice. Cole was carrying him towards her, with Tommy wearing his hat. CJ smiled at the picture they presented. The tall awkward young man with shaggy blonde hair and solemn eyes carrying the grinning child who had the large droopy hat slipping over his eyes. Her boys. That thought made CJ pause. Her boys. And then her grin widened as she recalled Bull's words. Mother duck indeed. There was no doubt. Her heart had adopted Tommy and Cole. And Talon and Krem. They were hers. And she would protect them with all her strength._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hey baby," She greeted, accepting the boy from Cole. "Are you having fun with Cole?"_**

 ** _Tommy nodded eagerly. "Brother's showin' me how to fight!"_**

 ** _Cole blinked at his new title. He mouthed the word behind Tommy's back, looking stunned._**

 ** _"_** ** _He is, huh?" CJ smiled at Cole. "Well he's a pretty good fighter, so I'm sure he'll be able to teach you well."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And Da!" Tommy exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _And Da." CJ agreed. "Together, I'm sure they'll turn you into one of Cullen's best soldiers."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama teach too?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Mama can teach you too."_**

 ** _Tommy cheered and wrapped his arms around her neck in a tight hug. CJ returned the embrace, hugging him close._**

 ** _"_** ** _We're heading out soon." Cole said, and CJ nodded. After returning Cole's hat, she turned, carrying Tommy to find Iron Bull. He'd want to say good bye to the boy._**

 ** _She found him standing with the Chargers, giving them orders. CJ stood to the side patiently, waiting for him to be done. Tommy played with the collar of her shirt, seeming to find it fascinating._**

 ** _"_** ** _So what's the plan?" Bull asked as the Chargers dispersed. He ruffled Tommy's hair, causing the boy to giggle._**

 ** _"_** ** _I'll be sending Tommy back to Skyhold with one of Leliana's scouts. And once he's there, he'll stay inside the hold's walls, correct?" This was directed at Tommy, who nodded._**

 ** _"_** ** _Will, Mama." He said. "Promise."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You won't be going with him?" Bull asked, and CJ shook her head._**

 ** _"_** ** _My place is with you." She replied. "And Talon."_**

 ** _He frowned, but didn't say anything further._**

 ** _"_** ** _You be good, little man."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes sir!" Tommy chirped, saluting him just as the Chargers had done. CJ laughed as Bull huffed._**

 ** _"_** ** _He's got your attitude."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Nonsense." CJ exclaimed. "He's got all his own attitude."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You are a definite impact on it." CJ grinned._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's part of my charm."_**

 ** _"_** ** _An annoying part." Bull retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _Whatever you say, Bull."_**

 ** _"_** ** _If that were true, Kadan, Tommy wouldn't be going to Skyhold without a parent."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I can't do anything less than what these soldiers are doing, Bull." She answered simply and Bull sighed._**

 ** _"_** ** _I know Kadan." His hand settled on her shoulder, heavy and warm. "I don't like it, but I know."_**

 ** _CJ stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I've got to go talk to Leliana."_**

 ** _"_** ** _See you later, Kadan." He ruffled Tommy's hair again, and CJ turned away._**

 ** _It took ten minutes of searching before CJ finally caught sight of Leliana's red hair._**

 ** _"_** ** _Leliana!" She called, and the older woman turned towards her. "I have a request for you."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I already know." Leliana said as CJ drew even. "I've sent for Scout Jenma. She's one of my best. She will keep your little one safe."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And we will help." Aria's voice sounded from behind CJ. She turned to look at the elven woman. She was holding Lia, with her husband behind them. "We owe you and your son a great debt. One we will spend our lives repaying."_**

 ** _CJ flushed slightly at the admiration on their faces._**

 ** _"_** ** _You owe me nothing," She tried, but CJ could tell it was pointless._**

 ** _"_** ** _We will protect Tommy like he is our own." Aria's husband said firmly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Thank you."_**

 ** _It was another twenty minutes before the small group was prepared for Skyhold. It consisted of Jenma, Aria, Aria's husband Mikal, Lia, Tommy, and Danes, a young soldier that Cullen assigned. It shouldn't take them more than two days to reach Skyhold, and then another two for the return journey._**

 ** _CJ gave Tommy a final hug and then situated him on the horse in front of Mikal. "I'll see you soon, Tommy." She said, and stepped back._**

 ** _Her gaze followed the small group until they'd crested a hill and left her sight. She sighed heavily._**

 _ **"**_ _ **Come on, Kadan." Bull's hand on her shoulder drew her away, leading her towards Talon. "Boss has got some orders for us."**_


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 40

 ** _It took a couple days for CJ to realize it, but she'd begun to notice a pattern. No matter where she was, someone had an eye on her. Either Bull, Talon, Krem, or Cole were near her. At least within sight. More often within yelling distance. They seemed to rotate in shifts. When CJ was assigned to a forward scouting group in the morning, one of the four were in the same group. If she went hunting, Cole would be shadowing her. Her watch rotations always seemed to pair with Bull's. And her rotations never crossed with Blackwall's. That was unusual. On every previous mission, she and Blackwall had shared at least one watch, because they fought well together._**

 ** _CJ was bent over a tunic, attempting to repair a hole she'd gotten earlier in the day by firelight when the sound of arguing caught her attention._**

 ** _"_** ** _I have to talk to her." Blackwall._**

 ** _"_** ** _No, you don't." And Bull. She looked up, and saw Blackwall trying to force his way around the larger warrior._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes, I do." Blackwall protested. Krem and Cole had joined Bull now, the three of them forcing the man to step back. Even with the three of them, they were having a tough time of it. Blackwall was putting up one hell of a fight._**

 ** _"_** ** _So you have been keeping him away." She mused, standing up._**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan, I'll handle,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It wasn't necessary to do that, Bull." CJ said, walking towards the group. "We are adults. Surely we can have a civil discussion."_**

 ** _"_** ** _But," Krem began, but Bull shook his head._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right, Kadan."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Have you eaten?" CJ directed the question at Blackwall. He shook his head, and CJ tipped her head towards the fire. "I think Bull left some rabbit, if you want it." She turned back towards the fire, not stopping to see if he was following._**

 ** _CJ sat back down, and resumed her stitching. Blackwall could speak first. She'd seen how the others had been treating the man. Drawing away from him as if he were a stranger. They'd all felt betrayed by the man, which CJ could understand. He had betrayed them, by pretending to be a Grey Warden, but surely he hadn't faked his entire personality. In the week since CJ had returned with Tommy, she'd noticed that Blackwall was steadfastly ignored by much of their group of companions. Or when they weren't ignoring them, they were verbally lashing him, like Cassandra was prone to do. He'd drawn back into himself, becoming as reserved as he had been back when he'd first joined the Inquistition._**

 ** _"_** ** _CJ," Blackwall began hesitantly. "I'm sorry."_**

 ** _She glanced up at him. "For what?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _For leaving Tommy and Lia. I should have brought them inside Skyhold before leaving. I didn't think,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No, you didn't think." She said simply. "And Tommy and Lia were put in danger." There was no accusation in her tone. No anger. She just stated simply. Evenly. No emotion._**

 ** _He reacted to her words as if she'd slapped him. "I'm sorry." He said again._**

 ** _CJ inspected his face. There was remorse and regret. He'd spent ten years living as a different man. A better man that Thom Rainier had been. He'd become that man, in the end. But he didn't see that, CJ realized. Couldn't see that he was no longer that same man who'd followed orders and slaughtered that entire family. He'd carried that burden for so long, it weighed heavily on his mind. Forced his shoulders lower._**

 ** _CJ couldn't remove the burden for him. But she could extend a hand to help him._**

 ** _She stood up and moved towards him. He met her eye evenly. For all he knew, she was attacking him, but he made no move to stop her. She crouched down in front of him, staring into his eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _Was it all a lie?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _What?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Was it all a lie? The stories you told about your past? Your childhood? Was all of you a lie?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No, it wasn't."_**

 ** _Then CJ made a decision. She stuck out her hand. "My name's CJ. And you are?"_**

 ** _Blackwall stared at her blankly for a minute, not understanding. "My name's Thom. Thom Rainier. Previously, I was known as Blackwall. Someday, I hope to earn that title."_**

 ** _"_** ** _In my opinion, you already have." CJ said, as he shook her hand. "But know this," She tightened her grip and hauled the man forward so their faces were close. "If you ever abandon my son when you are supposed to be watching him, I will kill you. Slowly and painfully. Do you understand me?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yes." She released his hand and then moved back to her original spot._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right then." She picked up her mending again. "Oh, and Tommy needs a new leg. When we return to Skyhold, I'm sure he'll want to visit you. Can we measure out and make a new one for him? Our previous measurements are too short now. The boy's growing like a weed."_**

 ** _Blackwall blinked in a stunned silence. "You . . . . . You'd still allow your boy to be by me?"_**

 ** _CJ didn't look up. "Of course I would. You're his Uncle, don't you remember?"_**

 ** _Blackwall took a sharp breath in. "Thank you." He said softly._**

 ** _CJ merely nodded her head, continuing to stitch. She heard Blackwall get up and walk away, but she didn't look up. Nor did she look up when she heard the heavy tread of Bull's steps. He sighed as he sank down beside her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Whatever you said, he was about in tears, Kadan."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Said he was Tommy's uncle." CJ used her teeth to break the thread, and then held up the shirt. No light filtered through the repaired hole. Deeming it good enough, she packed up her sewing kit, rolled the shirt, and bundled it all into her bag. "So, what's the deal with my four keepers?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Noticed that, did you?" There was no apology in Bull's voice, not that she'd expected it._**

 ** _"_** ** _Why?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You've got a bad habit of wandering away into dangerous situations. At least this way you won't be alone."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You willingly, gleefully, run into way more dangerous situations than I do!" CJ protested._**

 ** _"_** ** _Which of us has fought a dragon?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Which of us would volunteer to fight a dragon?" CJ retorted._**

 ** _"_** ** _Who took on someone at least two times bigger than them, without back up?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Where could we even find someone at least two times bigger than you?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Again with the weight, Kadan?" Abruptly, he pushed her backwards, pinning her to the ground easily. "Tommy's not here to stop me this time."_**

 ** _She grinned up at him. "Who says I want you to stop?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Kadan," He growled, dipping his head down. "You make me crazy." He kissed her deeply._**

 _ **"**_ _ **The feeling's mutual, Kadan." She murmured. He growled again, and scooped her up. CJ was laughing the entire time to their tent.**_


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I own none of the recognized characters. I am merely borrowing them to satisfy my muse

Chapter 41

 ** _The sight in front of CJ was slightly disappointing. She'd been itching for a fight all day, and had come across a seemingly promising trail. But now, the trail had disappeared, with no sign of enemies to fight._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn." She muttered in disgust._**

 ** _"_** ** _Cole, if you knew what I am, what I'd done, why didn't you say anything?" CJ looked back at Blackwall. He was staring at the younger man, frowning._**

 ** _Cole blinked, tilting his head slightly. "Everyone hides dead things. They pretend. You wanted to fix it."_**

 ** _"_** ** _I'm a murderer."_**

 ** _"_** ** _You don't want to be. You're Blackwall. You killed Rainier."_**

 ** _"_** ** _If only that were possible," CJ could see the pain in his eyes._**

 ** _"_** ** _You would stand between Rainier and the carriage. But it doesn't work like that. So you carry the bodies to remember."_**

 ** _Blackwall was silent for a moment. "I suppose I do." He said slowly._**

 ** _"_** ** _If you want to remember, remember this. If you become Rainier again, we will be here. We will kill you." CJ realized Cole was including her in his words. "And if I become a demon again and hurt people, you will kill me."_**

 ** _CJ's heart twisted at the thought of killing either of them, but knew if she had to, she would._**

 ** _"_** ** _I believe I can work with that."_**

 ** _"_** ** _If there's going to be talk of killing, let's make it about enemies, huh? Now my two great trackers, where did the trail go?" CJ exclaimed, and the men looked at her. Cole smiled softly, clearly able to read her thoughts._**

 ** _"_** ** _I will look."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Thank you."_**

 ** _Despite Cole's best efforts, the trail remained lost._**

 ** _"_** ** _Damn it." CJ muttered again and sighed. "Might as well head back now. Maybe we can find a deer or boar, so at least the day wouldn't be a total bust."_**

 ** _Cole and Blackwall nodded in agreement, and they turned back. Heading towards the army which was marching its' way to the Arbor Wilds._**

 ** _They'd managed to catch some rabbits, but the bigger game had been mysteriously absent by the time they reached the army. They'd stopped for the night and were in the process of setting up camp. Cole carried the rabbits off towards where some soldiers had started fires for cooking while CJ and Blackwall wound their way through, looking for Talon and Cullen._**

 ** _"_** ** _Any news?" Jarrod, one of Cullen's sergeants called._**

 ** _"_** ** _None from us," CJ called back. "Where's Cullen?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Up front." He pointed in the direction they were already headed, and CJ waved a hand in thanks._**

 ** _"_** ** _Come along, Blackwall." She grinned at the man and picked up her pace._**

 ** _"_** ** _There's our fearless leader!" Talon shot her an annoyed look, but then focused on Cullen who was giving a report. CJ and Blackwall drew even and listened in._**

 ** _"_** ** _Scouts are reporting in. There are signs of the enemy, but no definite sightings." Cullen was saying._**

 ** _"_** ** _We followed a trail for about ten miles, but then it disappeared." CJ chimed in. "But the weird thing,"_**

 ** _"_** ** _You mean a trail disappearing isn't the weird thing?" Talon asked, and CJ stuck her tongue out._**

 ** _"_** ** _The weird thing," She continued. "Is that all of the big game, deer and the like, are nowhere to be found."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What do you mean?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _There are no deer. No elk. No boars. Hell, there weren't even any bears." Blackwall said._**

 ** _Talon frowned. "And you found no signs of our enemies?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No." They shook their heads._**

 ** _"_** ** _Something's not right." Talon said, and looked at Cullen. "What do you think we should do?"_**

 ** _Cullen rocked back on his heels as he thought._**

 ** _"_** ** _We need to increase our scout rotations. Smaller groups more spread out." He said slowly. "We're about a week and a half away from the Arbor Wilds. If the enemy is out there, we should be meeting them soon."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Unless we're ahead of them." Talon commented. "We did march out pretty quickly."_**

 ** _CJ thought for a moment. "It's possible," She agreed._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right." Cullen nodded, deciding. That's what we'll do then."_**

 ** _CJ listened carefully as Cullen laid out their new scouting rotations._**

 _ **First up, she was with Vivienne and Sera. Well, that's be interesting.**_

 ** _"_** ** _If you don't stop your vulgar language, Sera, I'm going to leave you bound and gagged for the enemy!" Vivienne exclaimed, for what must have been the twentieth time since they'd started their scouting rotation. CJ looked up at the sky, asking for patience._**

 ** _"_** ** _Relax, Madam Prissy." Sera retorted, messing with an arrow._**

 ** _"_** ** _Madame Vivienne." She corrected. Also, not for the first time._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right, Vivvy." Sera said cheerfully. CJ groaned. Cullen was punishing her for something, CJ just knew it. There was no other reason why he would have stuck Vivienne and Sera on the same team._**

 ** _"_** ** _Vivienne, please don't freeze her." CJ cut in, noticing how Vivienne was shifting her hold on her staff. "I don't want to have to haul a frozen elf back to the army."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Who said anything about bringing her back?" Vivienne answered, smiling slightly._**

 ** _Sera gulped and hastily stepped away. "Hey, look at this!" She pointed at something on the ground. CJ walked over and crouched, inspecting the track Sera had found._**

 ** _"_** ** _Looks like an animal print." She said after a moment._**

 ** _"_** ** _No duh," Sera scoffed. "But what does that look like?" Embedded in the animal track was something red._**

 ** _Carefully, CJ dug it out._**

 ** _"_** ** _It's a shard of red lyrium." She exclaimed._**

 ** _"_** ** _Those don't just fall idly," Vivienne commented._**

 ** _"_** ** _Come on." CJ unsheathed her daggers. "We need to find the animal that caused this."_**

 ** _The three women followed the tracks for almost an hour, finally coming to a tunnel that led into a cliff._**

 ** _CJ looked back at Sera and Vivienne. "What should we do?" She questioned, not too keen on continuing without back-up. But they couldn't just leave either. They'd found a few more slivers of red lyrium in the tracks._**

 ** _"_** ** _I say we go in." Sera grinned._**

 ** _"_** ** _As much as it pains me, I agree with Sera." Vivienne said and CJ sighed._**

 ** _"_** ** _All right. Be prepared. Whatever creature made these tracks might not be too welcoming of visitors."_**

 ** _The tunnel opened into a sort of grove hidden among the rocks. At first glance, it looked empty._**

 ** _"_** ** _There's nothing here!" Sera groused, loudly, before either CJ or Vivienne could quiet her._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hush!" CJ hissed, not liking the atmosphere of the clearing. Something was off. Cautiously, the three stepped further into the clearing, weapons held at the ready._**

 ** _But there was no sign of the creature they'd been following._**

 ** _"_** ** _Well this was a waste of time," Sera snapped, and CJ turned to scold her, but the words died on her lips._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh shit. Move!" Was all the warning CJ could give before a large animal was launching itself at them. It was a pure white creature, something CJ didn't recognize._**

 ** _"_** ** _What the hell is that?!" She demanded, scrambling backwards to avoid its' sharp teeth._**

 ** _"_** ** _A wyvern." Vivienne called, while casting a fire ball, forcing the creature to turn away from her. "A white wyvern."_**

 ** _"_** ** _And it has friends!" More of the creatures were crawling down the cliff walls and out of the small group of trees. Seven in all. There was only one white one, the others were darker. But they were all fast. CJ swore again as she dodged away. Sera and Vivienne did best as ranged fighters, not in close quarters. They were trying to fall back to the outer edges of the clearing. But it was difficult._**

 ** _CJ had four of the creatures circling her, snarling. One lunged forward and she swiped at it with a dagger. The dagger drew a line of blood, and the creature fell back._**

 ** _"_** ** _I need the heart of the white wyvern!" She heard Vivienne call. "Aim for the eyes! They are the weak points!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah," CJ muttered under her breath. "Because they are such big targets!"_**

 ** _They fell into a rhythm. CJ and Vivienne would draw the wyverns' attention and keep them in a tight area where Sera would pick them off with her arrows._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do I look like a wyvern?!" CJ shouted as one of Sera's arrows sliced across her arm before burying itself in an attacking wyvern's eye._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sometimes!" Sera retorted. "Have you seen you in the mornings?!"_**

 ** _"_** ** _No worse than you!" There were two wyverns left, and they were circling CJ. They both lunged at the same time, and CJ swore, diving forward to avoid them. She hit the ground and rolled, feeling claws tear at the leather armor she wore._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shit!" She swore, jumping to her feet, feeling new wounds begin to bleed. One of the wyverns had been taken down, an arrow to the eye, but the second one was still pursuing CJ. "Not good!" It jumped at her, bowling her over even as she tried to fend it off with her daggers. "Really not good!" Its' claws were ripping at her armor, trying to gain purchase in something more substantial and damaging. Like her skin. "A little help would be nice!" She managed to lodge a dagger in its' jaw, which caused the creature to howl._**

 ** _"_** ** _Hold still!" Sera called._**

 ** _"_** ** _Yeah, I'll get right on that!" CJ yelled back. "Could you please hold still little beastie so we can kill you? Pretty please?!"_**

 ** _Blood sprayed across CJ's face as an arrow sunk deep into the wyvern's eye. The creature went stiffened before collapsing on top of CJ. It stunk like rotting meat, and it was heavy. She gagged and shoved at the dead creature._**

 ** _"_** ** _Thanks, Sera." CJ exclaimed, as she managed to shove the wyvern off her. "Next time, we're waiting for-," She cut herself off as she turned to face Sera. "Behind you!" The white wyvern had apparently faked its' death. Despite the arrows that were sticking out of its neck and head, it had been able to maneuver up the rock wall behind Sera unnoticed. CJ was too far away to do anything but yell as it lunged and Sera whipped around. She was bringing up her bow, but was too slow. She wouldn't make it in time. An instant before the creature would have slammed into the elf, who would not have survived the encounter, vines shot off the wall and wrapped around the wyvern._**

 ** _It snarled, furious to be denied its prey. But that fury didn't last long as Sera quickly shot an arrow point blank into its skull._**

 ** _There was a moment of silence as Sera stared at the creature who almost killed her. She then turned wide eyes to Vivienne. The mage was panting heavily, her arms still outstretched in the spell that caught the wyvern._**

 _ **"**_ _ **If anything is going to kill you, my dear," Vivienne began. "It is going to be me."**_

 _ **Sera didn't look particularly relieved with that knowledge. CJ just grinned.**_


End file.
